Liners V

These are continued from the fourth Liners page. Liners are quotes of funny/strange bits of conversation. This means there's some sort of interaction between at least two speakers. Anyway, as I have said about my other quotes, some of these are funny only if you were there. Also, the liners may not seem outwardly amusing. Sometimes, you just have to try and imagine what the speakers could have been discussing.

• "I'm going to get a new one!" --Helen's mom
• "We already have a fully functional Chow Chow over there, looking very sad." --Susan L., 1-9-05
• "Why don't I just bring a pickle?" --Cyre K.
• "How are all those women going to eat one pickle?" --Helen L.
• "There are ways..." --Cyre K., 1-28-05
• "Is 'pulchritude' actually the root of 'pulchritudinous?' (Which YOU ARE with your short hair!)" --Tikku S.
• "Awww, thanks. I just learned the word! I haven't met its family yet." --Helen L.
• "What a line, right? Man, I'm so mackin'." --Tikku S., 2-2-05
• "I learned something last night. I hate lamb...but I loooove escargots." --Helen L.
• "So does Mari! I just learned that today, too!" --Susan L.
• "Eh?? We're feeding the dog escargots? Something's wrong with that picture..." --Helen L., 2-12-05
• "But yeah, I'm up for a Santos-visit this Wednesday if you are..." --Helen L.
• "That's before 12? Or after...whenever." --Cyre K.
• "He usually works from around 8 AM to 1 or 2 PM. So it's a matter of catching him." --Helen L.
• "Let's bring a net!" --Cyre K., 2-14-05
• "What did you just say about the sample median?" --guy in class
• "Ah ha ha ha...let me see if I can TiVo my head." --Dr. Stuebing, 2-14-05
• "How's your van?" --Helen L.
• "Vanny." --Jeremiah H., 2-17-05
• "You all have the homework?" --Alejandro T.
• "No." --the class
• "Well, do it anyway, dammit." --Alejandro T.
• "Done." --guy in class, 2-18-05
• "Oooooh Smallville prom eppy!!! <3" --Helen L.
• "When? Where? Has this happened yet?" --Susan L.
• "That was my 12-year-old girl impression." --Helen L.
• "That was my senile old man impression." --Susan L., 2-28-05
• "I wish I had meat-flavored toothpaste. Could get me some ribeye..." --Melissa R.
• "I'm gonna have some steak tonight and then again in the morning!" --Robert S., 3-22-05 (while making motions of applying toothpaste to a toothbrush)
• "The trick is to always fix your hair in their presence. It does Something." --Cyre K.
• "Fix hair, like smooth it to look picture-perfect, or adjust it in some way, like making your ponytail neater?" --Helen L.
• "For at least 2 seconds, let it just fall. It's hard to explain. And it must be done only when you have some 30% chance that he's paying attention." --Cyre K.
• "Doesn't that mean, if he already likes you, and he's paying attention 100%, it won't work?" --Helen L.
• "It works all the more." --Cyre K.
• "Great!" --Helen L.
• "For example, if he asks repeatedly about your relationship with your boyfriend, or why you don't have one...BAM! Hooked. Hair trick works for them. If he touches your hair, you're in for it." --Cyre K.
• "Oooh, share more of your boy-getting tricks!" --Helen L., 3-23-05
• "Ashley and I will be here to help, but we're not going to field 300 questions and 300 e-mails." --Alejandro T.
• "200?" --Dan M.
• "Yes, Kayo?" --Alejandro T.
• "Never mind, Dan asked my question." --Kayo S.
• "Yeah, you don't want to use up your questions." --Alejandro T.
• "What, is there a clock now? Are we pulling leaves off the question tree?" --Kayo S.
• "Stop asking questions!!!" --Sam T., 4-8-05
• "How short is too short?" --Helen L.
• "Well, how short you had it last time you cut it, no shorter than that." --Jeff H.
• "Uh-huh. You want to braid it, don't you?" --Helen L.
• "Yes, that's exactly it!" --Jeff H.
• "Heh." --Helen L.
• "We'll sit up all night, and I'll braid your hair." --Jeff H., 4-27-05
• "Rip CD? Burn? Why do these terms have to be so violent? Why can't they use gentler words like...nudge? Or, um...tap?" --Helen L.
• "Uh, yes, I'm going to nudge these songs onto my computer and then tap them onto another CD." --Susan L., 9-12-05 (Or, "Helen gets her start as a concerned parent")
• "Mitzi? Is she still alive?" --Susan L.
• "No, she's bald." --Helen L., 9-25-05 (nothing against the bald people out there...it was what came out of my mouth)
• "I try...and sometimes I don't try at all." --Helen L.
• "When things are natural, they are best." --Jeremiah H.
• "I guess there is no hope for Anna Nicole Smith." --Helen L.
• "I think that goes without saying." --Jeremiah H., 12-2-05
• "You can bring the ingredients home to make them here." --Helen's mom
• "But you just said you didn't like enchiladas! 'I don't like this! I don't like that! I don't like monkeys!!'" --Helen L.
• "I--I like monkeys." --Helen's mom, 1-8-06
• "James T. Kirk. Is that the one you said you didn't know?" --Jeff H.
• "Yes." --Helen L.
• "Ohh...I have failed. I have failed! You don't know who James T. Kirk is?" --Jeff H.
• "Um...nope." --Helen L.
• "He's from Star Trek. He's Captain Kirk." --Jeff. H.
• "You mean his first name isn't Captain?" --Helen L., 2-2-06 (I actually meant, 'You mean his first name isn't Kirk?')
• "You are the only thing in my life that is going right." --Jeff H.
• "What if I want to go left sometimes?" --Helen L.
• (Jeff frowns.)
• "Don't left me." --Jeff H.
• "Won't I end up going in circles?" --Helen L., 3-20-06
• "Booooobies...boobies boobies boobies booooooobies." --Helen L. (singing)
• "Ooh the booby song." --Jeff H.
• "Want to sing along?" --Helen L.
• "Boobies boobies boobies booooooobies." --Jeff H.
• "Boob boob boob." --Helen L.
• "Boooobies." --Jeff H.
• "Boobie boob boobie boob, boobie boobie-boobie boob! Yay!" --Helen L.
• "Okay, I need to go to bed now." --Jeff H., 3-20-06
• "On our personal pages, should we talk about ourselves in first or third person?" --Helen L.
• "First person sounds best to me. But you guys can vote on it." --Dr. Knee
• "I say we mix it up and even switch mid-sentence when the mood strikes..." --Amy C.
• "I totally agree with Amy C.; we should keep our readers on their toes. They need to know they should expect the unexpected from our lab! I also think we should all begin referring to ourselves in third person from now on. It is a great way to help people to remember your name. Try it! Helen thinks it's a good idea. Helen also thinks she needs to get some sleep for once." --Helen L.
• "Cynthia agrees wholeheartedly with Helen and Amy C.... let's be unpredictable!" --Cynthia L.
• "Chip agrees with me. And all of you." --Dr. Knee
• "Ahmet thinks we can also change the name of the lab to Multiple Personalities and Relationships Lab; I don't agree of course." --Ahmet U.
• "Amy doesn't like this!" --Amy B., 3-22-06
• "I like how the rotating banner ads seem to be : Sex hookup service, Sex hookup service, Citibank Visa, Sex hookup service. Hmm." --Jeremiah H.
• "Gotta pay for those hoochies somehow, HooveR! Don't forget: 'Visa -- it's everywhere you want to be.' Ahem." --Helen L., 3-22-06
• "Did you notice the corn kernels on this cob are really disorganized? Does that mean this is inferior corn? I would think that superior corn would have highly regimented rows of kernels." --Helen L.
• "Don't talk to me about corn." --Susan L., 5-21-06
• "Why are you separating the trash into all the little bags? What about the big bag?" --Susan L.
• "I thought we'd keep that bag to finish out the week." --Helen L.
• "Why?" --Susan L.
• "There's room in there now that I took a bunch of stuff out." --Helen L.
• "Is there anything else in there we should throw out?" --Susan L.
• "I dunno. I'm not digging all the way down there. I don't feel like re-living this week in garbage form." --Helen L., 6-1-06
• "Noooooo! What are you doing?!" --Jeff H.
• "What?" --Helen L.
• "I don't want cheese in my pants!" --Jeff H., 6-2-06
• "Boobies!" -- Jeff H.
• "What're you doing?" --Helen L.
• "Boobie?" --Jeff H.
• "Are you trying to mold them into a shape?" --Helen L.
• "Mm-hm. Yesterday I made a giraffe!" --Jeff H., 6-2-06
• "Is there a lightbulb in your head telling you to do that?" --Helen L.
• "Mm-hm." --Jeff H.
• "The lightbulb talks to you?" --Helen L.
• "Yes...his name is Albert..." --Jeff H., 6-3-06 (Conversations in the hypnagogic state...)
• "You're having way too much fun with this." --Susan L.
• "But it's been so long since I've had crabs!" --Helen L.
• (Pause)
• "Oh, wait, that sounded wrong." --Helen L.
• "Um...is there something I should know?" --Jeff H., 6-14-06 (the best day in my life in a long time...live crabs for dinner!)
• "If you run the cheese over the grater with longer strokes, you can get shredded cheese that is longer." --Helen L.
• "I am perfectly happy with the size of my cheese." --Jeff H., 7-12-06
• "Someday I'm going to write a book about a girl who is an umbrella kleptomaniac! She constantly steals umbrellas, and it turns out that she's a control freak who needs to control everything and always wants to be prepared for everything. She wants to be prepared for rain so much that she feels like she needs a ton of umbrellas, everywhere. So that's why she keeps stealing umbrellas." --Helen L.
• "...so, an autobiography?" --Jeff H., 7-14-06
• (Charles and Amanda are having a lengthy but cryptic discussion about a meeting they have to attend that night.)
• "Do you guys belong to some kind of secret club or something?" --Helen L.
• "What?" --Charles D.
• "It's just that you guys are being very vague." --Helen L.
• "Oh, no, we're just members of this group. It's how we met actually." --Charles D.
• "Oh okay, I see." --Helen L.
• (Very prolonged silence.)
• "The secret club Amanda and I belong to is the YMCA." --Charles D., 2-2-07
• "Blood is more brown, isn't it?" --Susan L.
• "I don't know; it can be red. It just depends on the concentration of it." --Helen L.
• "Really?" --Susan L.
• "I don't know! Why are you asking me about blood? I don't know anything about it." --Helen L.
• "Oh...why don't you know anything about it?" --Susan L.
• "I only have it; I don't work with it or anything." --Helen L., 3-17-07 (while in the leasing office on our apartment hunt)
• Helen screams.
• "Did you fall off the toilet?!" --Susan L.
• "No, the toilet fell off of me..." -- Helen L.
• "What was the toilet doing on you?!" --Susan L.
• "It was one of those role-reversal exercises...to help us understand our differences." --Helen L., 3-21-07
• "I can't eat pork or any pork products." --Ahmet U.
• "What happens if you accidentally eat pork?" --Helen L.
• (Ahmet gives Helen a weird look.)
• "Nothing happens. What do you think happens? Do you think I turn into a mutant?" --Ahmet U.
• "Well...no, I mean...do you have to pray? Or apologize?" --Helen L.
• "No, I turn into Bebop." --Ahmet U., 4-6-07 (Bebop is a warthog-looking bad guy lackey from the 80s Ninja Turtles TV cartoon)
• "Catch!" --Helen L.
• "Agh! I just said I was dead! Why would you throw candy at a dead person?" --Susan L.
• (Helen laughs an extremely DERANGED maniacal laugh.), 5-9-07 (Basically, Helen is exactly the type of person who would throw candy at a dead person...)