Guess what? I came up with this one while I was driving. What a shock! Anyway, it was the last day of finals. It was only 1 p.m., and I'd been through an entire range of emotions. Slight anxiety about my Psychology of Adolescence exam, due to the fact that I've been to a total of 8 lectures this entire semester. Annoyance because all the questions I had trouble with on the exam were the same ones I had trouble with on the regular exams. Yeah, she used the same questions. Happiness at the weight that was lifted off my shoulders when I turned it in and headed out the door. Relaxed while I did a quick check on my e-mail at one of UH's internet kiosks. Surprise when I found out I could only get $5 for selling my Psych textbook back to the bookstore. Oh well. Kitty kitty furry monkey munch. Discomfort when I climbed into my car because it was sooo hot inside. Blech.

So, on the way home, everything was going great once the A/C did its work. Then, I saw a dog lying dead in the middle of the road, and my eyes instantly welled up with tears. It's funny, I never used to have a problem with roadkill until this year. One day, I suddenly started empathizing with roadkill, especially dogs and cats, and well, that was the undoing of me. It's not a great idea to cry while you're driving in the rain, let me tell you that. Everything's doubly blurry. Everyone watch out when you're on the same road as me; I can't guarantee that I won't be crying.

What I keep imagining is, what were the animal's last thoughts? What was that dog feeling as the roar of the oncoming car grew louder and louder? Did he feel a chill, a strange heightened sense of foreboding, and look to see what was coming? Was he flash-blinded by the cold glare of the headlights, disoriented, uncertain of whether to make a dash for safety or to freeze in position? Did the moment of impact cause any pain, or was he killed instantly? If he wasn't immediately killed, what thoughts ran through his head as car after car tore past, not caring about the him or the tenuous tightrope he was balancing on between life and the finality of death?

Like Franz Kafka tends to write about in his stories, I think one of the things that humans fear most often is dying alone. I would hate to die all alone on a deserted night road. My body would be growing cold in the dewy night air; my death an inconvenience to the few passing motorists. My passing would be inconsequential, barely a blip in the world order, and no one would have been touched by my prior existence. I was trying to picture myself as this dog (strange as it may sound), and I think, if it had been be me...right before impact, I would cry one tear--one tear only, a last symbol of life and the power of emotion--sort of a tribute to the futility of becoming someone in the increasing heartlessness that defines peoplehood. Um. I mean humanity.

Well, now that I've sufficiently freaked out everyone, it's time to end LOAF. Don't despair; I may return to guest-star every once in a while. But I will mainly be busy with LOSS (Life of Semester-long Sophomore). Kidding. Just kidding. Well, maybe not really. We'll see.

Helen