College Quotes V

Obviously, this is a continuation of my College Quotes IV page. That page was getting sort of long, so the new college quotes are here. Again, this page is never meant to be disparaging.

The "you just had to be there" concept may apply to these. (The fun part is trying to imagine under what circumstances some of the weirder ones might have been said!) Sorry about the quotes that aren't credited. I don't know the names of some people.

16th grade & grad school:

• "My dad doesn't seem to have any set method of approaching corn." --Helen L., 5-16-03
• "You're making me laugh at my computer!" --Stephanie L., 5-16-03
• "I'm totally overflowing with endorphins or something..." --Helen L., 5-16-03
• "Somebody's conducting an orchestra in my computer." --Helen L., 5-24-03
• "Your daughter is crazy. And I'm not talking about me." --Susan L., 5-31-03
• "It was a constant scream in my head." --Susan L., 6-8-03
• "I keep thinking I have 6 toes...until I count them." --Aditi K., 6-9-03
• "Don't drop lights on people. They don't like that." --Prof. Nagy, 6-17-03
• "Symmetrical hair is overrated." --Susan L., 6-20-03
• "To a Christian, everything is bad." --Helen's dad, 6-21-03 (on Harry Potter)
• "No, I still ain't done made that first billion dollars yet." --maintenance worker outside my office, 6-26-03
• "Can you tell me how to remember what I can't remember?" --overheard on campus, 6-30-03
• "She's holding a round circle!" --Susan L., 7-4-03
• "I heard Bill Gates is notorious for roaming unexpectedly to different departments, so I will be sure to examine him on all these occasions." --Judy C., 7-4-03
• "I'd definitely use the octopus on a first date." --Tikku S., 7-5-03
• "I'm like the ultimate loser. I went to work one day this past week and did nothing for class. Hell, I haven't even made progress on any of my videogames." --Brad S., 7-7-03
• "I won't be telling you tonight, so you can stop showing me your throat." --Helen L., 7-8-03
• "Dude, there's something called 'Mall of Orange'? I wonder if they call it 'MOO' for short." --Helen L., 8-8-03
• "Eating is for sissies and hungry people." --Tikku S., 8-19-03
• "I can feel the electrons!! I can feeeel the electricity!" --Prof. Crowe, 8-28-03
• "Goodbye, family! I'm off to sell Loyalty and Obedience!" --Helen L., 8-29-03
• "It's like being married. Being alive, being dead is a condition." --Prof. McGaha, 9-5-03
• "I wish Thales was my dad." --Sophia C., 9-6-03
• "When you're carrying a bat, you feel like the world's your oyster." --Sam S., 9-6-03
• "Do you know why there's a half-frozen banana in the hall?" --Jay A., 9-8-03
• "Why is everything on here yummy?!!" --Layla A., 9-10-03
• "People didn't immediately jump on the heliocentric bandwagon." --Prof. McKirahan, 9-10-03
• "I noticed this morning...that I was starving." --Layla A., 9-15-03
• "You underestimate my mad Asian jumping ability." --Jon L., 9-19-03
• "I'm meeting people, but what happens after that varies." --Tom P., 9-21-03
• "Wouldn't you rather be embarrassed here than downstairs?" --Clarence D., 9-23-03
• "'I'm from everywhere' would be a sixties hippie kind of answer." --Prof. McKirahan, 9-29-03
• "How long will 2 + 2 hang on being 4?" --Prof. McKirahan, 9-29-03
• "I'M NOT DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SOOOOOO COOL." --Ishan K., 9-30-03
• "Here's a tip: if you want to get change from old people, don't call them old-timers." --Stephanie's tai chi teacher, 9-30-03
• "I had an 8:00 meeting, so I'm operating on my emergency brain." --Prof. Davis, 9-30-03
• "Glue stick, por favor...!" --Rachel R., 10-1-03
• "I already ate the ill-gotten soup. Now I am going to have some perfectly legal cough drops." --Helen L., 10-6-03
• "I hear homework calling my name, and I don't believe it's all in my head. Goodbye, dear sister. I will wish you well as I graph sine and cosine functions with little enthusiasm and draw a bad picture of a Ouija board for English." --Susan L., 10-9-03
• "I go for evil. Not that I'm evil." --Mark J., 10-9-03
• "I don't want to be tied up by anything living." --Jim P., 10-11-03
• "I'm getting the impression that you like the raccoon more than me." --Jim P., 10-11-03
• "I'm leaving...and I'm taking my olives with me." --Rachel R., 10-15-03
• "I don't want your couch! Actually...can I have your couch? I need it for a ritual." --Layla A., 10-15-03
• "Don't use your heritage as an excuse to be cheap!" --Cory S., 10-27-03
• "It's like...wow! Now I can take Centrum Silver!" --Prof. Crowe, 10-28-03 (while doing a wacky wiggling dance)
• "Confusion...is good. Chaos...is good. If you want to confuse people, you can do it!" --Prof. Crowe, 10-28-03
• "3.5 GPA requirement?! That sounds prestigious...maybe I should join." --Kyle C., 11-4-03
• "I possess freak-like qualities, and I'm not ashamed of it!" --Susan L., 11-8-03
• "Nobody lets me in on anything. How did we break Helen's morals?" --Clint S., 11-19-03
• "Thinking is hard for me, okay?!" --Susan L., 12-7-03
• "It's psychology! Today! Ha ha!" --Helen L., 12-23-03 (Upon seeing a copy of Psychology Today after very little sleep)
• "I think it's giving me a headache, too. I haven't felt like myself for a while. There's a burning in my head. I need scissors!" --Helen L., 1-15-04
• "I have displeased the Internet Gods somehow." --Helen L., 1-21-04
• "But I'm very responsible. I've only been drunk twice." --Jeff H., 1-21-04
• "I just don't want it to look like a trapezoid that had too much to drink." --Susan L., 1-25-04
• "Now what am I doing up there with Clint and breast cancer?" --Clarence D., 1-26-04
• "If I wore sandals that were that loose, my toes would fall off." --Clint S., 1-27-04
• "Do you think there's a Wal-Mart in heaven where customers like her have to work?" --Stephen W., 1-30-04 (after dealing with a REALLY rude customer)
• "I'm sure it will be funny and tragic and thoughtful and lovely all at the same time." --Tom P., 2-1-04 (about my Hokey Home page this year)
• "I'll still be your friend!!! I have no desire to ever drink, do drugs, or have babies. Or any combination of the three. Other people SUCK!" --Jeremiah H., 2-3-04
• "Yo, people of various heights!" --Susan L., 2-6-04 (my sister greeting the rest of the family)
• "Stop commenting on my ear-ness!" --Susan L., 2-8-04
• "I just want to eat and be well-known for eating." --Linda G., 2-9-04 (on her dream job as a food critic)
• "People tell me that I touch them too hard..." --Helen L., 2-9-04
• "I'm lucky to have you as a girlfriend...aaaaaaaaghhhhh!!! My computer's crashing!" --Jim P., 2-14-04
• "I sat here and said it with my own mouth!" --Clint S., 2-26-04
• "Though I would love to be able to claim that I can hold my leg out that high for a period of time, I am just not that flexible." --Matt B., 3-3-04
• "See? Touch it; it's soft. I like my leg hair..." --Clint S., 3-4-04
• "You don't ever get ideas in the bathroom?" --Helen L., 3-4-04
• "I hope it doesn't rot before I get to wear it." --Helen L., 3-4-04
• "Maybe we all need to go swimming so our hair gets thicker and we can see how much thicker it is so much better than we could see it before." --Jeremiah H., 3-6-04
• "I was good today, and didn't commit homicide. Yaaay, no jail!" --Jeremiah H., 3-13-04
• "Stop walking in the direction I'm backing away in!" --Susan L., 3-17-04
• "You're taller than my boob!" --Rachel R., 3-20-04
• "When I get a stomachache, I touch my stomach and stretch." --Cory S., 3-20-04
• "No! I want to be Linda's white boy!" --Rachel R., 3-20-04
• "Don't tell me about your pee! I don't even want to hear about my own pee." --Cory S., 3-20-04
• "Pollution is pretty. Haven't you noticed?" --Susan L., 3-26-04
• "It's like a coffin for your food." --Susan L., 4-3-04 (on the black take-out boxes at Tortuga's)
• "You know, I'm beginning to feel very concerned about the inanimate fowl that keep showing up in the backroom at work." --Helen L., 4-10-04
• "My plant is dying. Maybe I should water it every month." --Dr. Knee, 4-16-04 (The really sad thing is that I was in his office at least once a week for 11 months before I finally noticed that he had a 4-foot high plant.)
• "My mom doesn't clean random bathrooms." --Oneika A., 5-20-04
• "I wish I could remember more of my childhood, but so much of it was in English." --Helen L., 5-26-04
• "Sorry to hear about your breakup with the dinosaur. You can never trust them. You want a commitment from them, but they're always going extinct." --Jeremiah H., 6-5-04
• "Wow! I feel shorter now." --Aditi K., 6-8-04 (after sitting down)
• "This book smells good. It smells like book." --Stephanie L., 6-8-04
• "How come you never kiss me like that?!" --Helen L., 6-13-04 (after seeing her mom plant multiple kisses on the pet dog)
• "This tastes like sweaty boys!" --Helen L., 6-25-04
• "We're like Johnny Appleseed, but not." --Helen L., 6-25-04
• "I wish I were a trucker's son." --Susan L., 7-5-04
• "I'm not scared of snakes...I just have a phobia." --Susan L., 7-11-04
• "I've never stuck any objects in your belly button but my finger!" --Rachel R., 7-22-04
• "When I took this job, I didn't think I'd have to keep putting stuffed animals' clothes back on their bodies." --Helen L., 8-7-04
• "There's something funny about this egg. Its clothes are on too loose." --Helen L., 8-10-04
• "Thanks for keeping the flame of hope alive, sis! Now I must be off to bed. Sorry for the married men." --Jeremiah H., 8-16-04
• "My pickle!!! Put it back!!" --Cindy S., 8-28-04
• "It's like you have to start your own cult of research assistants to get them motivated!" --Dr. Knee, 8-30-04
• "They seem like white sock boys." --Jeremiah H., 9-9-04 (on Jeff #1 and Jeff #2)
• "Now, we just have to name the loop. What's a good name for a loop? Hula! This is our hula loop." --Tom's CS prof, 9-10-04
• "This money either smells like ham...or cigarette smoke. I can't decide." --Helen L., 9-11-04
• "If you are an idiot and you can read someone's mind, you're still an idiot." --Eric B., 9-12-04
• "Dr. Elbow, cut it out! Stop dying! Argh!" --Helen L., 10-6-04
• "It's not a sexual thing. Everyone just needs to touch my leg hair." --Clint S., 10-30-04
• "If someone's behavior warrants it, I am the go-to person for stepping on that person's toes." --Helen L, 11-21-04
• "Okay dude, 12 hours till Calc III final. Can she do it? Can the amazing Littlefoot brave the chasm of fire that is known as double differentiation? The poisonous gas-hissing traps of triple integration? The gauntlet of phi, psi, rho, and above all, theta?" --Cyre K., 12-9-04
• "Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die...have seven sons and one daughter. 'Then the seventh one will be magic!' Okay, that one's a bit hard to accomplish. Pelvis permitting." --Cyre K., 1-20-05
• "I got asked to rush Sigma Phi Omega...which tranlates into my brain as "Hmm...Riemann sum-angular change-angular velocity"...so I guess I won't be rushing anytime soon." --Cyre K., 1-27-05
• "Blindness is not a toy." --Helen L., 1-28-05
• "Don't cry in the plate aisle; it's too sad!" --Helen L., 1-28-05
• "It doesn't count unless they love you till the day they die!!" --Cyre K., 2-7-05 (on the many boys in her life)
• "Ugh, I don't mean to complain, but Lee put too much faith in the wrong people, which is why he's a waste of mustache and pants, to me." --Cyre K., 2-17-05 (on all the unscrupulous dealings at the store)
• "I have people skills; I just don't use them." --Natalie T., 3-1-05
• "I roll around a lot, so I don't like to have a lot of clothes on." --Jeff H., 3-31-05
• "You're worth $7 a month!!!" --Jeff H., 4-10-05
• "I'm sorry to say I haven't spent that much time staring at your chest." --Jeff H., 4-21-05
• "Isn't 'antagonistic' like this and 'agonistic' like this? I like to define my words by dance!" --Dr. Tobin, 4-25-05
• "You and Mommy are so related." --Susan L., 5-1-05
• "ELEPHANT POOP FOR EVERYONE!!!" --Dr. Knee, 2-8-06 (after hearing one of his students wanted to host her graduation dinner at the zoo)
• "I am against any nude athletics. It just can't end well." --Jeff H., 3-19-06
• "People don't bite the hand that feeds. Well, sometimes they do. I've bitten a lot of hands. I've survived." --Dr. Lachman, 3-23-06
• "Aaagh! Stop messing with my holes!" --Jeff H., 6-10-06
• "I don't like to get in conflicts. I like to run away as fast as possible." --Dr. Knee, 10-17-06
• "I think I got sick from kissing them. But...that was my bad." Cyre K., 2-17-07 (talking about her mice)
• "Now we can view neurogenesis in the living brain with this new technology. We don't have to kill humans to look at their brains anymore." --Dr. Leasure, 3-27-07
• "Would you mind if I take my shirt off?" --Crystal T., 3-28-07 (during a research meeting)
• "I can't tell you how many times I've said, 'I wish I were taller.' in my life." --Dr. Steinberg, 3-29-07
• "I saw a squirrel the other day, burying a piece of cupcake that he had pulled out of the trash can, and I was like, 'Dude, it's not going to last very long in there.'" --Dr. Leasure, 4-10-07