I Don't Care If I Never Come Back by Art Hill Simon and Schuster, 1980 To put it simply: in this reviewer's humble opinion, I Don't Care If I Never Come Back is the best book about baseball ever written from a fan's perspective. The book is basically a diary of Hill's day-to-day views on the happenings of baseball during the 1979 season. As a longtime Tigers fan, dating back to the days of Hank Greenberg and Mickey Cochrane, much of I Don't Care If I Never Come Back is centered around the happenings of the Detroit ALers but it covers much more ground than that.

What makes the book so special is Hill's ability to put into words the thoughts and feelings that every fan has had about the game that they thought were unique to only them. Baseball is above all else a collective passion, Hill makes us realize this in I Don't Care If I Never Come Back.

Hill is basically the baseball fan's equivilant of literature's Everyman. With his stellar writing ability and insight into the game, he is able to speak for baseball fans everywhere. "I wish I could explain my lifelong obsession with baseball," he writes in the introduction. "But it is a little like trying to explain sex to a precocious six-year-old who then says, 'Okay, I understand the procedure. But why?'"

He is not above a bit of homerism. That's one of the reasons that fans of all teams will identify with Hill. The 1979 Tigers were certainly not one without their glaring weak spots even in spring training, but just like every fan, Hill is optimistic coming out of the gate. With blind enthusiasm, he picks the Tigers to win it all on the day before Opening Day:

And do not dismiss that too lightly. I picked them in '68, when they won it all, and in '72 when they won the division and were barely beaten in the playoffs by Oakland, the eventual Series winner. This fact would doubtless be more impressive if I withheld the fact that I also picked them in '75, the second of Ralph Houk's five rebuilding years. That year they lost 102 games and were fortunate enough to have 3 rained out. I believe there was one year I didn't pick the Tigers to win the flag. That was 1952, when the club lost 104 games (in a shorter schedule) and featured three pretty good pitchers, Ted Gray, Art Houtteman and Virgil Trucks, who lost a total of 56 games. Trucks, who won 5 games and lost 19, pitched two no-hit games that year, but was lucky to win them since the Tigers got him the minimum number of runs with which it is possible to win two games--i.e., two.

But even the most biased of team fans eventually comes to realize that his team is out of the pennant race. We can all identify with Hill's July 10th entry:

Last night, for the first time this season, I lost track of the Tigers completely. They played a game against Minnesota, but I didn't hear one minute of it, or learn the result until I saw this morning's paper (they lost). Even in the worst of seasons, this happens to me only once or twice. But the first time it does happen I realize that I have conceded the pennant. Not consciously. I still think they have a chance to turn it around; but in my heart I have given up. I know that because last night I forgot them.

Many of the best moments in the book come in the form of incidental anecdotes. In fact, that is what I Don't Care If I Never Come Back really is: A collection of interesting anecdotes featuring one thing in common--Hill's passion for the game. One of my favorites comes in the weeks after Sparky Anderson was hired to lead the Tigers in July of the 79 season. Knowing Sparky's disdain for facial hairs a number of Tigers players had shaved off their mustaches, but there were a few holdouts. Hill comments, "Jason Thompson has also declined to shave...when asked why, he replied, "No comment." Fair enough, because Jason's mustache is barely worthy of comment. If he keeps quiet about it, Sparky may never notice it."

Hill is as superstitious as the next baseball fan. I love it when he reveals this tidbit: "I always feel that my relationship to a game somehow has an effect on the outcome. If I turn on a game broadcast in the seventh inning to discover the Tigers leading by four runs, and the other team promptly scores five, I find myself wondering if it was my fault." I know that I've blamed myself for many a Rangers loss. In particular, I remember going to 13 games in 1997 before the Rangers managed to win one. I was seriously contemplating restricting my viewing of my favorite team to the television for the rest of the season before all of their pennant hopes for the season were lost for good.

Hill spends a lot of time reminscing about baseball days gone past. But unlike many older fans who have witnessed the change of baseball from small-time entertainment to big business, he is not bitter about the current state of the game. The closest he gets to bemoaning the loss of the game's innocence is when he takes a trip to Montreal to see an Expos-Phillies series. He is appalled at Expos mascot Youppi, "the loveable little clown who symbolizes Montreal's total alienation from the spirit of baseball past." Hill goes on to say:

The man inside Youppi (a sort of small dog or bear) is actually a rather talented pantomine comedian. On the stage, or especially in a circus, he would probably be a smash. At a ball game, he's a pain in the ass...The Youppi Syndrome, I believe actually began in San Diego with a goddamn chicken. I understand it's spreading. If Southern California does slide into the Pacific one dark night, it will be ample retribution for that. Nothing less would be.

Since this is a review and I'm allowed to give my opinion, let me just say for the record that I totally concur with Hill's view of mascots in major league baseball.

I don't know how else to put it: I Don't Care If I Never Come Back is a must-read for any serious baseball fan. It's filled with humor, insight, and, most of all, passion for the game. I can't recommend it enough and I'm not alone in this feeling. Lawrence Ritter, author of the classic The Glory of Their Times, has said in many interviews that Hill's book is his favorite non-fiction baseball book. Take it from Ritter and me both: You'll want to read this book. Over and over again.

I Don't Care If I Never Come Back may be available for purchase on the net at one of these sites.

--JingleBob, March 13, 1999

© 1999 JC White