Wrestling's Top Ten Lists

Here is my top ten section, where I will be posting wrestling-related top ten lists. Feel free to email me with any you might come up with. More lists will be added soon. All of these lists are based on my opinion and that of my friends. It is not my intention to offend anyone; it's all in fun.

Cutest Wrestlers
1. Raven
2. Edge
3. Billy Kidman
4. Juventud Guerrera
5. Christian
6. X-Pac
7. Kronic
8. Tazz
9. The Rock
10. The Hardy Boyz

10 Things Learned from Watching Professional Wrestling(part 1) from hecklers.com
1. No matter how many bones are broken, or how close to unconsciousness one may be, the chanting of your name by a few thousand inbred drunks will always re-energize you to victory.
2. There actually is a job more ridiculous than "Wal-Mart Greeter."
3. Real men don't hit; they slap.
4. There really isn't any part of the Bible entitled Austin.
5. Taking steroids apparently DOES shrink one's penis.
6. 'Tag team action' isn't always sexual.
7. Rednecks are not exclusive to the South.
8. Wives simply don't appreciate a good "figure four leg lock."
9. Good will always conquer evil...if it's on pay-per-view.
10. All life's problems can be simply and quickly resolved in a steel cage.

Most Intelligent People in Wrestling
1. Raven
2. Warrior
3. Undertaker
4. Shane McMahon
5. Linda McMahon
6. Vince McMahon
7. "Mankind" Mick Foley
8. Lita
9. Trish Stratus

Best Athlete
1. Raven
2. Kurt Angle
3. HHH
4. Chris Benoit
5. Chris Jericho
6. Jackie
7. Chyna
8. Lance Storm
9. Undertaker
10. Steve Blackman

"The Reasons I Love Raven" by Skweaky
(Subtitled 'What's Not To Love?')
1.Just look at him. Hes Hot!
2.Hes a born leader.
3.Those lips are to die for!
4.He would rather pass out than submit to a hold.
5.When he smiles he gets even cuter
6.Always looks like he needs a hug
7.He can take a lot of pain.
8.That kitchen sink sure comes in handy!
9.He has the cutest little curls.
10.Got to love the name
11.He created the Flock.
12.Hes Single!
13.There are none smarter.
14.Hes not self concious about his looks.
15.I love the tattoos
16.No one else yields a chair with that kind of talent.
17.He beat the crap out of the ECW
18.Oh did I mention hes hot?

Top Ten Things Learned from Professional Wrestling(part 2)
1. By contrast, Professional Boxing seems downright dignified.
2. A folding steel chair can be great for resolving disputes
3. Seemingly well-padded turnbuckles are actually very dangerous
4. Impress your peers with a memorable trademark quote.
5. Kicking a man in the balls is perfectly acceptable, while poking him in the eye is unsportsmanlike.
6. Never, NEVER watch the sport with a homosexual.
7. Always, ALWAYS stomp your foot when you punch someone in the head.
8. Getting an eighth-grade education is VERY important
9. Yes, legs can be bent past the 180-degree angle
10. Pre-match intimidation speech is acceptable, but doesn't transfer well to chess.

Why Wrestling is Better Than Golf(a work in progress)
1. You don't get to see half-naked guys play golf.
2. Wrestling announcers, however stupid sometimes, don't put you to sleep.
3. There are lots of webpages devoted to wrestlers, but when was the last time you saw a fan page about a golf pro?
4. Wrestling history is more exciting than golf history.
5. You can write fanfiction about wrestling-who in their right mind would write fanfic about golf?
6. Wrestling is more athletic
7. Wrestlers are cuter
8. Real men wrestle
9. Some wrestlers play golf as a hobby; since when did golfers wrestle as a hobby?

Funniest Wrestling Quotes of All Time(1, 2, 4, 5 taken from "The BattleZone" at www.tandq.com/Tango)
1. "Your mouth is bigger than the national debt." --Larry Zbyszko to Eric Bischoff
2. "It's amazing how far a little dab of paint will take you." --Warrior to Sting
3. "Space Mountain is on Viagra." --Sting to Ric Flair
4. "Can you say 'butt' on TBS?" --Scott Hall to Mike Tenay
5. "For two years Hulk Hogan has been trying to prove to the wrestling world that he walks on water, and I have to agree-turds float." --Kevin Nash
6. "Test's nose has been broken more times than the 10 Commandments." --Jerry Lawler
7. "Viscera the Hut, the love child of Fat Albert and Mr. T.." --Chris Jericho
8. "Mae Young is so old that when David killed Goliath, she was the one who called the cops!"--Jerry Lawler
9. "If charisma were rain, Blackman would be a desert." --Jerry Lawler
10. "You couldn't beat half my ass if the other half was helping you." --Test to Shane

Stupidest Features on a Wrestling Webpage
1. Guess the Breasts
2. Daily Babe
3. Kill the Wrestler
4. Enhance Terri

Funniest Quotes of All Time
1. "Screw you guys; I'm going home." --Eric Cartman, South Park
2. "That boy's got more guts than brains." --Jim Ross
3. "Stop the pain." --Michael Cole
4. "Who in the blue HELL are you?" --Rock to Booker T
5. "JR needs a Pepto!" --Jim Ross
6. "The million-dollar princess has turned into the Dairy Queen!" --Jim Ross
7. "The WCW title is like your sister-everyone's had a turn!" --Rock to Shane

Top 10 NWO Moments

1. Hogan and Bischoff taking over "The Tonight Show"
2. Bischoff's "firing" of referee Pee-Wee Anderson
3. NWO dressing up as the quiet Sting
4. NWO rerouting Ric Flair's limo and jumping him out in the middle of nowhere
5. Kevin Nash laying down for Hogan to win the WCW world title
6. Scott Steiner tearing up jack and referees
7. Stevie Ray's slapjack and his feud with his brother, Booker T
8. Warrior kidnapping Disciple and stalking Hogan
9. Scott Hall acting like a drunken fool
10. Lex Luger's 'Torture Rack'

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Email: jadeb@angelfire.com