"Are you leaving? I was just about to poison the tea."
"I see you wish to leave. Here is a window, let me help you."
"He's dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome."
"I'm Blonde. What's your excuse?"
"He really impressed me with his opinion of himself."
"Sometimes when you look in his eyes, you get the feeling somebody else is driving." ~David Letterman~
"She has the I.Q. of a dead flashlight battery." ~Rosalind Russell~ "Auntie Mame"
"What's on your mind? If you will forgive the overstatement." ~Fred Allen~
"Poor woman! How can she honestly be breeding again?" ~Jane Austen~
"I'm not going deaf. I'm ignoring you."
"The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand." ~Fred Allen~
"If you had listened hard enough the first time, you might have heard what I meant to say." ~Unknown~
"I don't mind that you're talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening."
"I hear what you're saying, but I just don't care."
"I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice."
"Has it ever occured to you that there might be a difference between having an open mind, and having holes in one's head." ~Richard Schultz~
"I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode."
"A guy with your I.Q should have a low voice too."
"Are you always this stupid, or is today a special occasion?"
"Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head."
"I'm not as dumb as you look."
"He's the kind of guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch."
"The reason you don't understand me, is because I'm talkin' to you in English, and you're listening in dingbat." ~Archie Bunker~
"Teflon head -- Nothing sticks." ~Lily Tomlin~
"I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. And tomorrow isn't looking good either."
"Everyone has a right to be stupid. You're just abusing the privilege."
"Am I getting smart with you?... How would you know?"
"You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."
"Every time I look at you... I get a fierce desire to be lonesome." ~Oscar Levant~
"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."
"When you go to a mind reader, do you get half price?"
"Why do those who speak the loudest always have the least to say?" ~A Fortune Cookie~
"He has not so much brains as ear wax." ~Shakespeare~
"Your horrid image doth unfix my hair." ~Shakespeare~
"You're a fusty nut with no kernel." ~Shakespeare~
"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so."
