130 WAYS TO BE ANNOYING
1. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist that you "like it that way".
2. Drum on every available surface.
3. Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
4. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
5. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
6. Ask 800 operators for dates.
7. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
8. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
9. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
10. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
11. Specify that your drive through order is "to go".
12. Set alarms for random times.
13. Learn morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Bip Beeeep Bip..."
14. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
16. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
17. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
18. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
19. Honk and wave to strangers.
20. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
21. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
22. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
23. Wear your pants backwards.
24. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
25. Begin all your sentences with"ooh la la!"
26. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
27. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-Cyrillic-landscape mode.
28. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
29. only type in lowercase.
30. dont use any punctuation either.
31. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
32. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
33. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
34. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
35. Write "X-BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
36. Inform everyone your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
37. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
38. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
39. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
40. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
41. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
42. Push all the flat Lego Pieces together tightly
43. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
44. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells" until physically restrained.
45. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
46. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
47. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
48. Sing the "This is the song that never ends...." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops Play-along?)
49. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles .
50. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
51. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no , wait, I messed up", and repeat
52. Drive half a block.
53. Name your dog "dog".
54. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
55. Ask people what gender they are.
56. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
57. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
58. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
59. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."(THIS IS MY FAVORITE)
60. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curios that you don't want to fall of "in case the big one comes".
61. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with lysol.
62. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies'"Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
63.While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
64. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
65. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
66. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
67. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each
A.
68. Sit down in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
69. Chew on pens you've borrowed.
70. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
71. Wear a LOT of cologne.
72. Ask to "interface" with someone.
73. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing"
74. Sing along at the opera.
75. Mow your lawn with scissors.
76. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
77. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy".
78. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
79. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket".
80. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
81. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
82. Scuff your feet on a dry shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
83. Dot not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
84. Never make eye contact.
85. Never break eye contact.
86. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
87. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
88. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announce results.
89. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
90. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
91. Make appointments for the 31st of september
92. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
93. Don't bathe or wear deodorant EVER.
94. Don't blow your nose...just sniff and drive everyone around you CRAZY.
95. Get ride of stones in your yard by vacuuming it.
96. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
97. When reaching for something, exclaim "Go Go Gadget Arm!"
98. Put everything you say "in theory".
99. Answer every sentence with "Why?"
100. Go to a fast-food restaurant, and before they ask what you want, say "Welcome to (restaurant). May I take your order please?"
101. Walk into a gift shop and yell "Where's my gift?"
102. On a long trip constantly ask "Are we there yet?"
103. Find a way to mention penguins in all of your sentences.
104. Walk into a store on Sunday and scream "Are you open Thursdays?"
105. After a person finishes saying a lot, ask "What?"
106. Bring your own food with you into a restaurant, sit down and start eating.
107. Always Always speak speak and and type type in in doubles doubles..
108. Bring your own matress to a hotel.
109. Constantly scream that Apocalypse is coming.
110. Pretend you're Kefka or some other megalomaniac.
111. At every chance you get, scream "Oh, my God! You killed Kenny!
112. Keep the car behind you from making the light.
113. Get drunk before PTA meetings.
114. At concerts or recitals, applaud at every pause.
115. Talk in rhyme all the time.
116. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper.
117. In the memo field of all your checks write "for sensual massage."
118. If you have a glass eye, tap on it. occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
119. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
120. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
121. Practice making fax and modem noises.
122. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
123. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
124. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
125. Sing along at the opera.
126. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
127. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles."
128. When in a store or mall, take every phone you see off the hook.
129. Tell your friends 5 days prior that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
130. Put a cordless phone behind the T.V. When someone's watching, press the page button. Keep letting the phone beep until the person figures out what's going on.
