"INTERGALACTIC DIARY (THE LOVE JOURNAL OF SAMUS ARAN)"
(C. DeCracken)
[guest vocalist: Enya]
Great men I’ve held by my side
but to none was I a bride
My name invokes terror in the domain of enemies
“Samus Aran, Samus Aran,” galactic hunter of metroids and X virus
but where is my love?
Mario
How I love short, greasy Italians
He was so cute and could always make me laugh
But alas he loved another, a princess even
I wish them well with their love
And then there was Simon, of the Belmont Bloodline
Noble and honorable, so fascinated by my every little electronic thing
I felt like some ancient goddess, enlightening my elect of hidden secrets from my world
He never bathed nor heard of soap, yet I loved him anyway
But alas he was devoted to the blood-vengeance art of justice of killing sinister creatures
and he wanted to be a priest
Such sacred robes rarely match and befall such a man
I enlisted for further missions to continually save the universe and rid abomination
After a thousand kills, I searched again for love
I found love in the land of Hyrule, a woodsman with knowledge of terrain and survival
a jack of trades and gentleman full of manners
and his knowledge of bombs, quite impressive
Many times had we set out and spent time by the swamp
as he enchanted me with his tales of battle
But alas my love loved another, the gold-haired princess of Hyrule
What an angel, pure and clean, beautiful and innocent
She deserved to have that man and nothing less
I searched the skies and manifested the obliteration of evil doers
The guilty beneath rapid fire scorn “Samus Aran, Samus Aran”
Is there one who’ll call my name with love?
There will be one who calls me his consort
I found my man, “Scorpion,” a Contra warrior
He too had battled alien fiends, lending much embrace for our telling of war stories
He was a true warrior, well-shaped in war ethos and as strong in poetry as physical ability
Best of all, he was available
We are bound in wedding vows and search the cosmos to hunt and kill
Our firearms merciless as we infiltrate side by side, back to back, hand in hand
I am his “lock” and he is my “load,”
the galaxies have prophesized our union
Life is like a nintendo game
You have 3 lives, but I know where the 1-up’s are
stage completed/ game start/ high score/ next level/ game over/ end bonus/ warp to 8
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