Of all the creatures that like to dismember and mangle humanoids and aliens alike there is undoubtedly one that rises above the pack A creature that can not only stop victims in their tracks by it's intimidation alone but can also send them into a fit of nausea by it's putrid stench. Yes, that's correct, straight from the planet Dathomir, king of bipeds, bearer of dripping fangs and long, sharp claws, encased in incredibly thick hide that renders him invulnerable to blasters, most common hand held energy weapons as well as melee weapons. The one, the only, the creature who puts the "ouch" in carnivore, the Rancor.

Today we are honored to have one of those notoriously temperamental predators on or show. Daisy, a female mother Rancor of two, has agreed to tell us her story and give us some insight on the real Rancor.

Talon Hivey (Talk show host): Welcome Daisy, How are you doing.

Daisy (The Rancor): R-R-R-Roar snort roar roar narf [Oh, I'm doing fine. I just got over a terrible cold. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find 200 kilotons of cold medicine.]

Talon Hivey: I can imagine. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Like what's your favorite color, what do you like to eat, things like that.

Daisy: R-R-R-Roar snort roar roar arf [Well, my favorite color is crimson red and my favorite food is a nice juicy Rodian. Most of the time I don't eat Rodians though. I like to stick to a low fat diet. So a Ghest or a Tauntaun are usually what I crave.]

Talon Hivey: Whoa, watch out all you Tauntauns out there. Some day you might find a big, hungry Rancor on your doorstep waiting to devour you and your kids. Do you eat Gammorians? That was a big thing on Tatooine you know. Jabba was always throwing a few Gammorians into his Rancor pit.

Daisy: R-R-R-Roar snort roar roar rarf [Puke, barf, pituy. Rancors never eat such vile scum. Only something so morally twisted as Jabba the slug would come up with something like feeding one of those pigs to a Rancor.]

Talon Hivey: Now it's time for a commercial break. We'll be back right after these messages from our sponsors. Hopefully.


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Talon Hivey: has nothing to do with you being here! I promise, now settle down. We're back from the commercial break with my guest Daisy the Rancor...

Daisy: Snort roar roar R-R-R-Roar arf [Why you lying piece of trash. You said that you wouldn't....

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Michael (The GM): Doubles something bad happens. He He He He. Okay, the Rancor attempts to knock your head off. Nathan, roll your dodge. nmaD (Come on, you think this magazine is going to print smut?), you made the roll, but the Rancor knocked the translator droid against the wall.

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Daisy: Arf snort Roar snort snort [Wee wee pu tutum conch, @!&#, splush ich nit nit]

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Anthony (One of the Roleplayers): I run away.

Nathan (Another Roleplayer): Anthony, you [coward]. Go fight the Rancor and show'em the wrath of a Frevele.

Anthony: I pull out my blaster and...

Michael: The Rancor eats you.

Nathan: While he was screwing around with the Rancor I was running away from the fighting.

Anthony: Wait a minute, I didn't get to roll the dice.

Michael: We don't have any dice! You didn't bring any.

Nathan: Yeah, what are you stupid or something. (Laughs at Anthony)

Anthony: @!#& (Says it very fast). NATHAN! (He lunges at Nathan, who casually blocks Anthony's would be attack)

Joel Tanner enters the room.

Joel: I couldn't find Matt anywhere on the roof. Sometimes I get the feeling that you guys think I'm your personal servant or something.

Michael: That's nice Joel. Why don't you go look in the street.

Nathan: Yeah, while your at it get me a Pepsi. (He replies as he holds Anthony to the wall by the neck)

Anthony: Get me a Pepsi too. (He replies in a choked voice)

Joel: Oh, all right, but I'm not going to do this next time.

Joel Tanner leaves the room.

Michael: You two settle down so we can finish the mission. You're so immature.

Nathan: Wait. Michael be quiet. I think I hear Chuck coming. (Lets go of Anthony's neck)

Anthony: Aaannhh. You can't make me stay in the same room with my dad at Oklahoma City. NATHAN!

Michael: Shut up Anthony.

Nathan: Be quiet dog boy before we tie you up and leave you for him.

Anthony: AAAAAAAAaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Michael: Get the rope.