"The Saga Begins"
As sung by "Weird Al" Yankovic
(To the tune of "American Pie")

A long, long time ago,
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the Federation into
Maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us;
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from their gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy.

Oh, my, my this here Anakin guy,
Maybe Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry;
And he left his home, and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin', "soon I'm gonna be a Jedi."

Did you know this junkyard slave isn't even old enough to shave,
But he can use the Force, they say...
Ah, do you see him hitting on the Queen,
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen,
Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday!
Well, I know he built C-3P0,v And I've heard how fast his pod can go;
We were broke it's true,
So we made a wager or two!
He's a prepubescent flying ace,
And the minute Jabba started up that racev I knew who would win first place,
Oh yes, it was our boy.
We were singin',

"My, my, this here Anakin guy,
Maybe Vader someday later, now he's jst a small fry;
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin', 'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi.'"

We finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be;
So we took him there and we told the tale,
How his mitichlorines were off the scale,
And he might just fulfill that prophecy;
The Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interviewed the kid,
Oh, but training they forbid!
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear,
And Qui-Gon said, "Now, listen here,
Just stick it in your pointy ear,
I still will teach this boy."
He was singin',

"My, my, this here Anakin guy,
Maybe Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry;
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin,' 'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi.'"

We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would have liked to stay;
We all fought in that epic war,
And it wasn't long at all before
Little hotshot flew his plane and saved the day.
And in the end, some Gungans died,
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried;
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken;
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul, and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here, but he's a ghost
I guess I'll teach this boy.

Oh, my, my, this here Anakin guy,
Maybe Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry;
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin,' "soon I'm gonna be a Jedi."

We were singin',

"My, my, this here Anakin guy,
Maybe Vader someday later, now he's just a small fry;
And he left his home, and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin,' 'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi.'"



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Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group.

An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of, and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn.

Duties include: Performing competitive intelligence, hands-on intervention in support of the Sith Master's planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and operating a variety of laser-powered hand weapons and high-powered space/air vehicles. Some slaying of enemies of the Dark Side is also required, which may be performed using the Force or hand weapons.

Qualified applicants would possess good communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be action-oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in study of the Force (light side or dark) is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or significant course work in Jedi Arts from the University of Coruscant.

Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot's license (for all classes of ships), and must show a willingness to give in to their hate. A Proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tricks to control others is also desirable, as is the ability to speak several galactic languages. Ideal candidates for this position would also have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire would be given several weeks to meet this requirement.)

Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for this field. Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored clothing allowance.

The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master, and experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to the success of the master's plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens.

Applications will be accepted until the end of August. Transmit them To jobs@darkside.com.

*****************************************************

Dark Side CG (TM) is a small and highly-focused organization, founded a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Our core values reflect the short-term advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and the long-term desirability of controlling the galaxy. We provide direction to our partner organizations through knowledge management, incident control and our rapid on-site intervention expertise. Our partnered organizations include the Imperial Senate, the Hutt Gambling Collective of Tattooine, and many large software companies.

Dark Side CG (TM) is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft.


"The Saga Begins" is legally the property of Al Yankovic and is not used with permission.