I had given up on trying to find him. He wasn't home, he wasn't at the boardwalk, he was nowhere to be found. I knew that I had lost him forever and I was really starting to feel sorry for myself. I started to lock myself in my house again. I didn't have a reason to come out…so why should I? I didn't care what I looked like, I didn't care if I got up out of bed in the morning. My boss would call me…and I would just say that I had the flu…and that I couldn't come into work. She knew that there was more behind my words, but she couldn't pry it out of me. She finally had to tell me that I no longer had a job. She just couldn't keep passing my work onto others. I just didn't care. All I could think about was walking down the beach…and wishing that God had never allowed Nick to pull me out of the water. I hated everyone and everything.
** a month had gone by **
I was down to my last box of cereal and bottle of mustard. I couldn't get a job, I had basically given up. I was starting to pack up my stuff and call my mother. I knew that I could go home, but I never wanted to. I didn't like to depend on others. I was just too independent for that.
I sat down for the last time in my living room, and turned on the television. I watched the local news, then Entertainment tonight. Something then caught my eye.
"Next up, everything you ever wanted to know about the world's most beloved musical group…The BackStreet Boys. Stay tuned to hear all those secrets you ever wanted to know about Howie, Brian, Kevin, AJ, and everyone's favorite, Nick! We'll be right back!"
I could feel my jaw drop to the floor. "Nick! Did she just say Nick??? What is this all about?" I was completely taken by surprise at what I had just heard and decided to tune in for the rest of the story.
**after commercial break**
"Now, come on Nick, tell all your adoring fans the truth. Is there a special lady in your life?"
Nick just blushed and he thought for a minute. He then said. "Well, there was someone very special. But, I let her go…I was stupid. She was the love of my life…and I just walked away." They went to commercial instantly as Nick started to break down on national tv.
****
I just sat there glued in to my chair. Nick was a famous singer…I knew I had seen him before, it just never clicked in my mind. THAT was what he wanted to tell me…but never got the chance. I started to cry uncontrollably. I knew at that instant, that Nick was gone. I could never be involved with someone who was on the road all the time and he could never be with someone who committed a terrible act. It just wasn't meant to be. I turned off the tv immediately.
****
Nick just wiped the tears away from his eyes as his friends tried to console him. The show had to go on…and they were given their cues.
"We are back, we apologize for the interruption. Nick, I believe you wanted to say something to our viewers??" the interviewer said.
He looked at his four friends and they gave a smile and tried to support him.
"Yes, I wanted to say something. I am sorry for breaking down in front of you all. I just feel like my heart has been ripped out. I love her and I will do anything to get her back. I know she must hate me for what I did, and for lying to her. " he looked around…and seeing that everyone was nodding for him to continue, he finally said,
"I know you are out there baby. I want you to know that I love you. I was wrong for walking away. I was wrong for lying to you. Heather, if you are out there…please, I have to see you. We will be home from the tour in two days. Meet me at our spot on the beach. Please…" his voice then trailed off as the show ended.
****
What I never knew was that he was pleading to see me. I had just packed up my stuff and was ready to head down the boardwalk to the bus station.
I decided that I would grab a bite to eat. I stopped at my usual Clam Bake shop. I unconsciously got the same exact meal I got on the day that Nick and I 'bumped' into each other. I was at the counter ready to pay when the clerk said,
"Heather? Where have you been? We haven't seen you in weeks. Did you see the television tonight? You know that rollerblader that ran into you? Well, I thought I saw him on Entertainment Tonight! Did you hear what he said to you???" she was all excited and kept rambling on.
I didn't hear half of what she was saying…I was in deep thought about finding out that Nick was one of the famous BackStreet Boys. "What? Yeah…he said that he used to love me and that he lost me. He never told me he was one of the most famous young men on the planet. I was so upset at him for never saying anything to me…he lead me on…he…he lied! I turned off the tv in disgust…I never want to hear or see of him again. But, I suppose that will be damn near impossible since his face is plastered all over Teen Magazine and the tv!!" I started to cry again.
The clerk just looked at me, realizing that I never heard the second half of his interview on the show. She told me everything…every little detail. She remarked about how much pain he looked in. He just wanted to see me…just once to make things right. I took my food and then walked down towards the water. I sat in the sand…hoping to find an answer to all my troubles.
****
"Do you think she saw it? Brian, she is all I think about. I just can't concentrate. I can't live without her…and now I don't even know if she is okay. I never gave her my number, just how STUPID is that??? I am so mad that I just spent one night with her…and I will never see her again!" he said as he started to cry. He couldn't hold it in any longer.
Kevin walked up to him. Being the father figure of the group, he said, "Nick, we all know that this is tough. But trust us, you will be okay. Life moves on. You will find someone new and you will love again. Please, just try not to think about her anymore. You are young, and you have a whole life ahead of you. Come on man, things will be okay."
Nick just looked at him in disbelief. 'How could he POSSIBLY know what I was feeling! How can he tell me how to live my life???' he thought to himself. He just looked at them all. AJ always had a way of giving the wrong advice on love at the wrong time. He blurted out,
"Yeah man, look, just do what I do. Go out tonight and find yourself so great looking chic and take her home with ya. It always worked for me." he exclaimed.
Howie just glared at AJ. "How can you be so inconsiderate Bone?? And you Kevin? How can you tell him how to feel. Nick is just going through one of the hardest things in his life…and you are all acting like it is nothing. You never saw in his eyes how much he loved her." he remarked.
Nick was completely stunned by Howie's outburst. He never knew that Howie was watching out for him. He couldn't understand this. Brian just looked at Nick and Howie and nodded.
Nick then said, "It is final. I will go to the beach the day after tomorrow and I will wait until she meets me there. And I will wait as long as I have to. She will come…I know she will. I have faith. Sometimes I think I know her better than she knows herself. That is what love is. And I won't give up. She is my harmony…she is my life." He then got up and walked away.
The others just watched him as he walked out the door of the studio
and took a cab back to the hotel.