I sat on a bench at the boardwalk the whole night. The sky was filled with millions of stars…and they twinkled in the water. They were just so beautiful…and perfect. I just sat there thinking, why couldn't life be so perfect and simple? My bus had come and gone, and I knew that I couldn't catch another one. Something had told me to stay, instead of running away. However, what was I going to do? I had no money, all I had was the bags I packed and an unused bus ticket.
Fear started to set in. If Nick really wanted to see me, what would he think of me now? I had let myself down and I had nothing, nothing at all. Hell, I didn't even have enough money for my next meal. Mom was only a collect call away, but was that really the right thing? In my heart I loved Nick, but my head kept telling me that he hated me and that it would never work. But, he DID plead to the whole nation for me to come back. Was I that important???
As the sun started to rise, I got up off the bench at started to walk down towards the water. The beach was my salvation, my strength. I sat in our "spot" thinking about tomorrow. The tide started to come in, but I just sat there as the water washed up to my feet. It was so soothing. I hadn't slept in over 24 hours. I hadn't showered or even changed my clothes. I am sure that I looked terrible, so I pulled my compact out of my bag. I thought I would just fix myself up a bit.
"Oh God…" I said outloud. It was the first time I had actually stopped to look at what I had been doing to myself. My eyes had back circles under them, and the bright gray color had faded. I was so pale, and so thin looking. I hadn't eaten properly in weeks. I hadn't slept worth two cents…but, I just never took the time to notice.
"If I DO wait for Nick tomorrow…he is going to hate me. He will know that I neglected myself. He will be totally turned off by me. He could never love me." I said. I was so selfish…so self-centered. How could I be so worried about my looks? If he really loved me…it was for myself..not my looks. I just sighed, not knowing what I should do.
****
Nick had gone back to his hotel room and secluded himself until show time. Brian came to his room to pick him up, and noticed just how bad his friend was looking.
"Hey Frack, you okay man? Come on, just have faith, you told us last night that you said you did. She will be there tomorrow. We will be home and you can see her. Just trust in your heart. Okay?" Brian tried to cheer his friend up. He knew that Nick was going through a lot of pain, and it couldn't show on stage. The whole world knew about his problem, but it was not right to bring it into the show.
"Yeah…I will be okay. It's just that I am more worried that she has done something bad to herself, rather than worrying about if she will be there or not. Okay, that probably didn't make sense, but I just have a bad feeling. Did I tell you that she didn't want me to pull her out of the water that day?" Nick spoke softly.
Brian was shocked. "What do you mean??"
"She wanted to die that day…and what worries me is that since I walked away from her and haven't heard from her at all, she has done something terrible. It will all be my fault if she did." he said as tears formed in his eyes. "How could I be such a jerk? I told her that I loved her and nothing would keep me from that. But I lied to her and just left her."
****
I actually got up the nerve to go into the beach showers and clean up a bit. "This certainly isn't as nice as that bath at Nick's." I said outloud as I started to think about that day with him. But, it would have to do. I needed to try to think up some sort of plan for tomorrow. After all, it was only 24 hours away. I HAD to be there…to see him, to touch him, to feel his lips on mine. BUT, I had to look good. I thought of every possibility.
First, I had to find a job…and quick. If he knew that I had lost my job because of this, he would get upset. So, I thought, the lady at the Clam Bake knew me…so I made that my first stop on today's agenda. I had only 24 hours to get my act in gear, and by God, it was going to happen.
****
The group had an early performance today. They had a special appearance to make, one that would touch the lives of many. Nick got up on stage, thoughts racing through his mind. Although he could think of nothing more than Heather, he put on a good show. The girls screamed for him, yelled for him to marry them...and as usual, cried for him!
After their normal concert, the five guys made their way to the local hospital. They had a date with a sweet young lady. It was her dying wish to meet them. The Make a Wish Foundation had made all the arrangements. The local television station was there as well as Entertainment Tonight, MTV and VH1. Everyone was trying to catch a glimpse of the guys.
Howie, AJ, and Kevin all posed for pictures with the girl. Nick and Brian had planned to serenade her. Entertainment Tonight caught the performance and aired it as an exclusive report. The guys made that little girl light up and her final wish was granted.
****
Tears formed in my eyes as I watched the screen. Lucy, the front clerk, had the tv on as usual. She was crying her eyes out. Everyone around just stopped to watch the guys as they spent time with the young one.
"You know Heather, if you don't go tomorrow to see him, I will go for you!" Lucy exclaimed. "He is such a sweet guy, you can't turn him down!"
"I know, and I do plan on being there…it's just that I am so nervous. What if I disappoint him again? Will he walk away again?" I told her.
"Well, you will never know if you don't go tomorrow. Now, look, you can crash at my place tonight. Get a good night's rest and you will be fine. Hey, why don't you take off early to get some sleep. You look like you need it hon." Lucy offered.
I just looked at her with tears in my eyes. She was so nice. I just couldn't believe that she would take such an interest in all of this. I jokingly thought to myself, 'When Nick and I get married, she will definitely be invited!!!'
'Nick and I married…' The thought actually stuck there for a moment. I really thought about it…and, what if it could really happen?
I thanked Lucy for letting me leave early and for letting me stay with her until things got straightened out. I left work and head to her house…just a few blocks away. I immediately went to take a bath. (one of my most favorite things.) It was so relaxing. I really started to feel better about myself. Things were looking just a bit better and I had a good feeling about tomorrow.
An hour later, I got up out of the bath and went and laid down on the
couch. Lucy arrived home several hours later and put a blanket over
me. And for the first time in weeks, I slept the whole night through.