Chapter 66
“Do you think that the doctor has called Heather yet?” Leighanne asked Brian.
“I don’t know hon, but I do know that Nick sounded very upset last night. I can’t believe she didn’t tell him. And to make matters worse, why did you ALL go along with it?” Brian asked, very hurt.
“Look, Brian, we didn’t like keeping it a secret, it’s just that Heather wanted to tell you all...not let you hear it from us. I am so sorry.” She said softly, trying to apologize.
“Well, it doesn’t matter now...we know and Nick knows. All we can do is wait and fine out. I just pray that she is okay. I don’t think Nick could take anything bad happening to Heather. She is the love of his life...and he will be devastated if she is ill.” He said, feeling sad.
Leighanne and Brian sat eating lunch during a break from work. They were to go back and wait anxiously with the others while Nick sat at home with me.
*** *** ***
“This can’t be happening to me...” I said as I sunk to the floor in despair.
Nick immediately ran to my side knowing the results. “Oh God Heather, I am here for you. What exactly did she say?” Nick asked, tears streaming down his face.
“She said that the results were positive and that I have breast cancer. No! NO! This is NOT happening to me! Why does my life have to be this way??!!” I screamed in panic. I ran to our room and threw myself on the bed crying uncontrollably.
Nick stood there, unsure how to help me. He knew that I needed some space and needed to let it out. He didn’t want me to bottle it up inside...
He came to my side, and gently stroked my back as he sat down next to me. “Oh honey..” he cried. He knew that he needed to tell the others, as soon as possible. He promised.
Nick got up, and let me be alone for a while. He went to call Brian and give him the news.
He picked up the phone, and dialed, now in a state of shock. After about three rings, he heard Brian’s voice.
“Hello?”
“Brian, it’s me. We know the results.”
“Okay Nick, we are all here, go ahead.” Brian said, trying to be positive.
“Brian, she...she...” he tried to say but was choking up, “It’s cancer...” he finished, sobbing.
Brian stood there in shock and then turned to everyone in the room, nodded his head yes, and then spoke again. “Nick, are you and Heather okay? We will be right over if you need us.”
“I don’t know Bri. She is really taking this hard...and to be honest, I am too. I don’t know what to do.” He said, tears continuing to pour from his eyes. “We are about to go to Dr. Christine’s to talk about it.”
“We will meet you there. See you soon. We are on the way now.” Brian finished and hung up.
Nick stood there, staring at the phone. He then walked quietly to our room and picked out something for me to wear. The next thing I knew was Nick standing there, helping me up. It was all like a nightmare, and I just stood there crying. I couldn’t control it.
“Heather, honey, you need to get dressed, we need to leave in a minute. Everyone is going to meet us at the doctor’s. Come on hon.” He said solemnly.
Within minutes, Nick and I were on our way. As Nick drove, I sat in complete silence. All I could do was look out the window and stare. I just didn’t know what to do.
*** *** ***
While we waited for the appointment, we sat in the waiting room. Within a few minutes of our arrival, the whole gang showed up.
“Heather, I am so sorry.” Howie whispered to me. “I wish I could take it all away. You deserve better.”
Everyone gathered around and waited until the nurse called my name. “Mrs. Carter, Dr. Christine will see you.”
Nick and I stood up, and he had to hold me steady. As we walked into the office, everyone watched in silence.
“Heather, thank you for coming down here. I wanted to explain to you your options. Now, first of all, whatever we decide will be strictly you and Nick’s decision. I will only suggest to you what is best. But, we will do what you want.”
“I understand.” I said, holding Nick’s hand and trying to keep the tears from flowing.
“Well, first off, the fact that we found the cancer is good. Luckily, at this time, the cancer is localized. In other words, it seems that it is only in the left breast. That is good, so to say. But, the fact that breast cancer is very serious...due to the fact that it can spread to vital organs easily, we must decide now what kind of treatment you want to pursue.”
“Treatment?” I said, knowing full well that whatever I do may have adverse effects on the baby.
“Yes, we can do surgery to remove the mass, however, surgery is not a good thing with you carrying the baby. We can also put you on chemotherapy treatment. However, with the baby, that too is dangerous. Now, if you choose, we can abort...” she said, suddenly being cut off.
“No, we will not abort the baby. I will not do that. If I have to die in order for this baby to live...then so be it!” I yelled, in panic.
“Baby, no...you don’t mean that.” Nick spoke up. “We will do whatever we have to, but try to save the baby and yourself.” He said, trying not to cry. His whole body was shaking as he thought about the possibility of losing one of us.
“Heather, I don’t advise that we abort the baby. You only have about three and half months left in the pregnancy. Now, there is one more option. You can totally withhold treatment of any sorts, allowing the cancer to possibly spread, wait til the baby is born, and then have surgery and receive treatment. But I don’t suggest this. The cancer could spread fast, putting your life at risk.” Dr. Christine explained.
“May Heather and I talk for a minute Doctor?” Nick spoke up again.
“Of course, take all the time you need.”
Nick and I argued for about 15 minutes, trying to make the best decision possible. Nick knew that I could easily die if I didn’t get treatment, however, he knew that I would never do anything to hurt the baby.
“Nick, I am not taking of chance of killing our baby. I did that once in the past, and I will not do it again. If I have to wait for treatment, so be it. I am not...do you understand Nickolas, I will NOT out the baby at risk!” I cried.
“Heather, I don’t want anything to happen to you either. I know that you are worried about the baby, but I am also worried about you. I can’t lose you Heather...I just can’t.” Nick stated.
“You aren’t going to lose me Nick...I have to get my breast chopped off, so be it. If I lose my hair, so be it, if I have to be in the hospital for a while, then so be it. But, I will be fine Nick. I do not want to have any treatments until the baby is born. I just can’t take that risk.” I said matter-of-factly, yet feeling nothing but fear inside.
“Then, if that is what you want, I will stand by you. But, it doesn’t mean that I have to like it. Heather, I love you with all my heart, and I just don’t want you to be sick. I wish you could see it my way, but, I am here for you and I always will be. I will be by your side the whole way.” Nick said gently and then kissed me softly.
Dr. Christine soon walked in. We explained to her that we were going to withhold treatment until the baby was born. After the three of us chatted, Nick and I made our way out to the waiting area. We found all of our friends waiting anxiously for us. No one wanted to speak, they were so nervous. Finally, Howie spoke up.
“Heather, Nick, what happened. What is going on?” he said as he sat there and held Kat’s hand. He was just as nervous as Nick and I were.
“Well,...” I started, trying hold back the tears, “I have breast cancer, and because treatment may risk the baby, I have...I mean, Nick and I have decided to withhold treatment until the baby is born.”
“Oh dear God. But won’t that hurt you Heather?” Brian said.
“What will happen to the baby?” Kevin blurted out.
“Look, I am still in shock over this all, but I had to what was right for the baby. I just can’t put him or her at risk. I just can’t.” I said as the tears started to flow. “but, Nick and I have talked about this, and we feel it is the right thing. Dr. Christine said that once the baby is born, I will go through radical treatment, to hopefully get rid of the cancer. But the outcome is uncertain.”
Everyone just looked at Nick and I. We could see the despair and fear in their eyes. No one knew what to say, how to act, or what to do. We all left in silence and went back to our house. Everyone decided that the guys would take the next few days off, to make heads or tails of the whole thing.
Nick and I drove in silence. As he drove, all I could do was sit
there and rub my stomach, and saying over and over again, “Your mommy and
daddy love you very much. We will do everything to protect you.”