Chapter 79
“Heather?” a voice asked softly.
Nick woke up and saw Howie and Kat standing there looking at us. “Oh my Lord...look, how beautiful. Oh Nick, she is so gorgeous.” Kat said.
“Heather, how are you feeling hon?” Howie asked.
“I am so tired. But, the doctor says it will be a few days before I feel up to par.” I said.
“Well, you just get better soon. Rest, relax, and if you need anything, anything at all, don’t hesitate to ask.” Howie replied.
“Oh, Howie, I am so sorry that your trip was cut so short. I will make it up to you somehow.” I said softly.
“Don’t you worry about that Heather. We are just glad that things are fine...and we wanted to come and see you all. Congratulations you two!” Kat said as she turned to hug us both.
After a few minutes, Kathryn started to cry, and Howie and Kat stood there in amazement. “My goodness, she is so beautiful. Honest.”
“Thanks...but I think she is hungry. Would you all excuse me? Nick, would you get the nurse for me?” I asked gently.
“Of course, Heather.” Nick answered and left to get the attending nurse.
“You can’t breast feed her?” Kat asked curiously.
“No, they don’t want me to start on breast feeding because they will be doing surgery and treatments for the cancer...and I won’t be able to breast feed her at that time. So, we are putting her on a special formula.” I said as the nurse walked in with the formula, Nick closely behind.
“Here we are Mrs. Carter.” She said as she assisted me in picking Kathryn up. “Just hold her gently and hold the bottle up.” She showed me.
Nick, Howie and Kat stood there watching as Kathryn immediately started to drink from the bottle. She was so little that she could only suckle for a few seconds at a time. Once she was fed, the nurse took her back to the nursery while my breakfast was brought in.
“Heather, I am going down to the cafeteria with Howie and Kat to grab a bite to eat. Will you be okay, hon?” Nick asked thoughtfully.
“Umm, yeah...I will be fine. See you in a little bit. I love you.” I said as Nick blew me a kiss and left.
I leaned over to reach for the phone and dialed Dee’s number. “Please Dee, pick up.”
“Hello?” a groggy voice answered.
“Dee? It’s Heather. Can I ask a favor? Could you go to my house and pick up something for me and then bring it here?”
“Of course. What would you like?” she answered.
“Well, one, I would like a new pair of undies and a set of pajamas. These hospital gowns just don’t cut it. And, if you look in the top drawer of my nightstand, there is a journal. It has a picture of me and Nick on the front. Could you bring that to me?”
“Of course, I will be there shortly. Do you mind if Kevin comes along or do you want me to come by myself?” she asked.
“Umm, just for a bit, could you come alone. I needed to talk. Please.”
“Sure, I will be there in about 30 minutes.” She said and then hung up.
*** *** ***
“Nick, what are you thinking about?” Howie asked.
“Just thinking about Kathryn Lynne.” He answered.
“First of all, does she have a nick name or will you call her Kathryn all the time?” he asked.
“Well, I guess Katie Lynne is cool. I want everyone to use her middle name...it is very important to me.” He answered.
“Why?” Kat asked.
“Because, it is Heather’s middle name...and well, I want her to have something to remember her mommy by.” Nick said sadly.
“Come on Nick...will you quit dwelling on Heather? You have a child to think about now. Heather is NOT going to die. You need to keep your strength up to help her.” Kat said.
“Kat. That was rude.” Howie said. “We don’t know what is going to happen. Personally, I think it is a beautiful name and if Nick wants us to call her Katie Lynne, then so be it. It is his daughter.” Howie snapped.
“Sorry Nick...I didn’t mean to be insensitive.” Kat said as she got up and walked away.
“Yeah...” he said.
*** *** ***
There was a knock on the door. I looked up and saw Dee standing there with a teddy bear, a bag of stuff, and my journal.
“Come on in Dee. Thanks for coming so quickly. I need to talk.” I said.
“Sure thing, what about? Is Kathryn alright?” she asked.
“Oh yes,...she is just fine. They have her up in the nursery right now. They will bring her back when it is time to feed her again.” I answered. “But, the reason I wanted you to come was so that I could ask you something.”
“Go ahead...I am all ears.” Dee smiled.
“Well, I needed to know. Do you think that I am self-centered or self-righteous? What I mean is, do you think I am a bitch...to Nick, to you, to everyone?” I asked.
“Heather, where is all this coming from? Did someone say something to you?” Dee asked.
“No, no one said anything. It’s just that everyone has been talking to Nick and asking him about the baby, and hardly saying a word to me. I get the feeling that everyone is already writing me off.” I said as a tear trickled down my cheek.
“Well, first off, things have just been a bit tense...that’s all. They are worried because of your cancer. They are nervous because of the baby and how it will affect you and Nick. AND...this is new to us all too.” She answered.
“So, I am right...I have been a bitch.” I said as I turned away.
“Heather.” Dee tried to say.
“It’s okay Denise, honest. Thank you for bringing my stuff. I appreciate it. I think I need some rest, I am so tried, and they will be bringing Kathryn Lynne in a while to be fed. Will you be here a little later?” I asked sadly.
“Of course, I will. I will go and get Kevin and bring him by to see you and Kathryn too. You get out tomorrow, so, I will go to the house with Nick to help him get things set up.” She said as she gave me a hug and then left.
I sat there alone, thinking about how I had acted towards my friends. Yes, I had taken the spotlight off of them, because of all the weird stuff that has happened to me in the last few months. One, I took Nick away from his fans when we got married. Then I found out I was sick, and well, there I was again, in the public eye every waking moment. I had shut out so many people because of my inability to live with my illness. Although Nick was always by my side to support me, I dumped all my burdens on him, never once thinking of the stress I was putting on him. And, I had insisted on being a part of their careers...taking control of some things I never should have.
I picked up my journal, put a title on it, and then started with the first entry.
“Dearest Nickolas,
Today is the beginning of the end of my life. I won’t be here much longer, and I wanted to give you something you could look back at in ten years with our daughter to remind her of me and you. I want you to know, that Kathryn Lynne’s birth was the most amazing gift I have ever been giving, second only to you. Thank you for being by my side the entire time, and never giving up on me. You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I wanted to apologize for all the tragedies I have put you through. I turned your life upside down, and never stopped to thank you for everything you have given me. You gave me my life, you gave me freedom from my past, and you gave me all the happiness in the world. Please know, that you will always be in my heart, even after I am gone.
I love you with all my heart, soul, body and spirit,
Heather Lynne”
I closed the book, held it close to me, and cried. I then heard Nick’s voice as he strolled back down the hallway, and quickly put the book away. As he rounded the corner to my room, I saw him carrying Kathryn Lynne gently. He looked like such a pro, and it touched my heart immensely.
“Heather! Look hon, I am a daddy!” Nick said with a twinkle in his eyes. He was grinning from ear to ear and the look on his face was contentment.
“Yes, yes you are Nick, and you are going to be a great daddy!” I said cheerfully.
“And baby, you are the best mommy there is in the world! Katie Lynne is going to have the best parents a child could ever have, and she won’t lack for anything.” He said proudly as he handed her to me.
“Aww, Nick, you are too sweet. I love you and Kathryn so much.” I said as I took her.
“Umm, Heather, can I talk to you about something really quick?” Nick said as looked towards his friends to ask for some privacy.
“Sure.”
“Well, I was thinking, do you think it is okay if we call Kathryn...umm, Katie Lynne?” he said with a smile. “I want to use her middle name...it is a pretty name and I think that is suits her just fine. Kathryn sounds so grown up, and well, Katie Lynne is cute.”
“That sounds great Nick. I love it. Now, Katie Lynne, do you like your name?” I asked her. At that very moment, Katie gurgled and then fell asleep.
“I suppose that was a yes!” Nick said and then smiled. With that,
he leaned over and kissed me, and then sat in the chair next to me as I
rocked back and forth with Katie.