Chapter 8
Nick had tried to run down the block to catch me…but soon gave up. He knew that I needed time, time to think about this all. Maybe he had pushed me too far. Nothing had really happened between us. He felt nothing but pain inside as he flashed back to that moment when I ran out the door from him.
"What was I thinking?! I poured my heart out to her…I told her I loved her…what did I do wrong?" he screamed outloud.
**Ring Ring**
Nick heard the phone. He jumped up, and blurted into the phone…"Heather???" but the voice on the other end was not her.
"Nick, it's me Brian. What is wrong? You sound so upset. Isn't Heather there with you?" he asked, but heard nothing but silence on the other end. He asked again, "Nick, hey man, are you okay??"
"She left…she left this morning. She just ran out of here…running down the street. I don't know what I did. I…I…" he said as warm tears fell from his eyes.
Brian was very concerned for his friend, and blurted out, "Nick, hey man, what did you do to her? You didn't try anything with her did you???"
"You are sick man! How could you think that I could have done something. Yes, it is true that I love her…but I wouldn't have gone THAT far…" he yelled at Brian. "She just left!!! She said she couldn't handle all this now…and started to cry and ran out."
"Hey, I am sorry Nick, I didn't mean it that way. I just thought that maybe something happened between the two of you, that is all. What exactly happened?? Tell me the whole thing." Brian pleaded.
Nick told about the evening together to Brian. He confided in his very best friend that he loved me and that he had told me that he did. He then told Brian the words I had said…and how I seemed so hurt and scared. The two of them tried to find some reason as to my actions. Then Brian finally said,
"Nick, have you ever stopped to think that maybe she had a first love and that she had been hurt by him? It kinda sounds like that to me. She told you she had felt the way you did before…and the first time it was a mistake, so maybe she is just scared about it. That is all. I wouldn't worry to much. Give her a little space…and then go and talk to her."
Nick listened to his friend and then hung up the phone. He sat on the couch thinking of his next move. He had to know why I had just run out on him…and he would find out, no matter what it took.
****
I had run in a panic until I couldn't run anymore. I finally just walked the rest of the way home. I arrived completely exhausted. When I opened my front door…I remembered just how lonely it was to be in this house all by myself. I went to the living room and put on one of my favorite cds. I listened to the words as they played softly through the speakers.
"Once in a lifetime, you find that someone else…who knows you better than you even know yourself. Your that connection, that makes my heart complete, and keeps my soul in balance, you are my harmony."
The song continued to play on as I started to really think about what the words really said. Had I felt that way this morning? Is that the way that Nick made me feel? If that was it…then why did I run away?? These thoughts ran through my head.
I got up, and decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. Going to my room, I found some clean clothes and got dressed…then headed down to the beach. I decided to walk along the shore until I got to that spot where I had first met Nick. I sat in the sand…just breathing in the fresh air and then I felt tears well up in my eyes. Why was this so hard for me?
****
Nick decided to drive to my house to find me. He had to know whether or not I was okay. Even if it was hard, he was going to make me talk. He stepped up to the house and rang the bell. After waiting for several minutes, he figured I wasn't home and then he thought to himself. 'Where is one place she would go?' He looked up and then decided to walk down towards the shore.
He could feel the warm breeze on his face as he walked down the beach, his eyes watching every movement along the shore. "She has to be out here, she just has to be." he thought to himself.
Then, straight in front of him, he saw a figure just sitting in the sand just above the tide line. He called out to the figure…
"Heather! Oh God, Heather!!" and with that…he started to run.
I looked up when I heard the voice…and I saw Nick running towards me. I jumped up and tried to walk away from him. But he soon caught up to me…and grabbed me around the waist. He turned me around to face him and just pressed his lips against mine in a deep and passionate kiss. I couldn't resist him and I wrapped my arms around his neck as are knees gave out, and we fell to the sand.
I looked up at him and tears filled my eyes. He sat up and pulled me close to him. I then heard something I never expected.
"Heather, I love you and there is nothing that will keep me from loving you. I know that you have been hurt, and I know that you need time. I will give you all the time you need. I am here for you and I always will be. Please, just say that you love me. That is all I ask. I just have to know. Please." he looked at me with tears streaming down his face.
I couldn't look at him. I turned my face away from his and then spoke. "Nick, I do love you…but I just can't be with you. I am afraid of hurting you. I am afraid of making the mistakes I made before. I know you don't understand, but I just don't know how to explain it to you. You have made me feel loved and special, but I am afraid I can't give you what you want." I said as I wept.
"All I want is you…and nothing more. I just want to wake up next to you every morning…to feel you next to me. I know in my heart that this is right, and I will try my best to make it work. But you need to talk to me. You need to tell me what I have done. Please. I can't leave you without knowing why you hurt so much. Just talk to me. I am a great listener." he pleaded with me.
I sat there for a what seemed an eternity, and then looked into his beautiful eyes…deep into his soul. I knew that what I was about to tell him would probably hurt him…and maybe even drive him away. Although I knew this, I had to tell him….tell him about my past…