Chapter 84
May 26, 2000; 5:30 am.
“Nickolas, I can’t do this.” I said frightened.
“Heather, you are so strong and brave. You can do this. Just think of Katie Lynne. She and I will be waiting for you when wake up. We will be right by your side. I hope you don’t mind, but my mom and dad are coming to help me with Katie while you are in surgery.” Nick said, trying to stay calm.
“That is wonderful. I just want this to be all over soon. I am so tired, and worn out from all this. I just want my life to move on and be able to live my life like a normal person, to be with you, and to raise our baby.” I said with tears.
“Baby, that will happen, but first you have to get in there and do what the doctors want you to. They will help you. I will be here for you…don’t ever forget that. And Heather, I love you. Just like our vows said, I will love you and cherish you in sickness and in health. I take those very seriously.” Nick said, trying to be optimistic.
“And I love you Nickolas.” I said as I kissed him goodbye. I then turned to Katie Lynne and kissed her sweetly on the forehead as the nurses came to take me to inpatient surgery. I turned quickly to blow a kiss at Nick and he very sweetly caught it in mid air and placed his hand to his heart.
As I walked away, Nick stood there, terrified. Would he ever see me again? Would I make it through the surgery? Tears started to stream down his face as he watched me disappear down the hallway. Suddenly he felt several hands on his shoulders. Nick turned slowly to see all his friends and family standing there to support him.
“Nick, we are here for you and Heather. Whatever we can help with, just tell us.” Howie said.
“How long do they expect it to take?” Kevin asked softly.
“About two hours or more, depending on what they find. I am just so…scared.” Nick admitted to everyone.
They all stood around and couldn’t help but look at him with sad eyes. They knew that the surgery was risky and with the cancer spreading, the doctors didn’t know if they could eliminate it all.
Brian walked up and just hugged his best friend. That was the best thing that Nick could get now. Support, hugs, and lots of prayers.
*** *** ***
“It is so cold. May I please have a blanket?” I asked.
The nurses brought some warming blankets and placed them over me. “Is that more comfortable Mrs. Carter?” a nurse named Celeste asked.
“Yes, it is. And, thank you…umm, Celeste.” I said as I looked at her name tag. “You are familiar.”
“Yes, I am. I was there when your baby was born. I was filling in at the desk when you and your husband came to pick your daughter up that day. I normally work down here in the inpatient surgery department, so, you will be seeing lots of me over the next few hours.” she replied with a friendly and motherly tone.
“Thank you. I sure could use a friendly face right now. I am so scared.” I admitted.
“Well, let’s see. You are scheduled for a…” she grabbed the chart to read the procedure, “You have breast cancer, I am so sorry.” she said.
I couldn’t help but feel sad with the predicament. “Don’t worry, I am sure it will all be fine.” I said trying to be strong.
“Yes, you will be fine. You have been told about the procedure?” she asked thoughtfully.
“Yes, and it doesn’t sound pretty. But, Nick says that I can have cosmetic surgery to umm, put me back together again, and to also fix this scare across my face. Nick says he doesn’t care about me missing…umm…” I tried to say as I started to cry.
“A breast?” she finished.
“Yes…he says that it doesn’t matter. But, I know it will. I am so afraid that he won’t want to look at me after this.” I said sadly.
“Look, Mrs. Carter. You will be fine, and Mr. Carter will love you no matter what. The love I could see in his eyes for you and your daughter was unconditional. He will love you and cherish you always. Would you like to see him before you go in?” she asked.
“I thought he couldn’t come in here.” I asked, surprised.
“Well, we normally don’t like to let family in here, but since you have a little while before surgery, I will get him in here for a minute.” she said as she got up and phoned the family waiting room. “May I speak to Mr. Nick Carter?” she said into the receiver. “Oh, okay, could you transfer me please? Thank you.”
After a few rings to the private room he and the guys were provided with, there was a voice on the end of line. “Hello?”
“Is this Mr. Carter?” Celeste asked.
“No, let me get him.” Brian said.
After a brief moment of nervousness, Nick spoke into the receiver. “Hello? This is Nick.”
“Nick, this is Celeste. I am a nurse in the surgery holding room, Heather…” Celeste tried to say.
“Oh God…tell me she is okay…Please!” he said as tears streamed down his face.
“Mr. Carter…Mr. Carter. Heather is fine, but I thought maybe you would like to come and see her before she goes into surgery?” she calmed him down.
“Oh yes ma’am. I would like that very much.” Nick said and then hung up the phone.
“Is she okay Nick?” AJ asked.
“Yeah, they said I could go and see her before the surgery. I will be back in a few minutes.” he said as he ran down the hallway.
*** *** ***
“Baby, I am so glad to see you. I have missed you so much.” he said sweetly and then kissed my forehead.
“Mr. Carter, you only have about two minutes. Dr. Sigapeli is ready.” Celeste said.
“Nick, please don’t leave me. Please.” I begged.
“Heather, if I could be in there to hold your hand, I would. But baby, just know I am just down the hall praying for you. AJ, Howie, Kevin and Brian are all here. Dee will be here when you wake up. Leighanne and Kat are on the way too. Mom has Katie, so don’t you worry. You just go in there and be strong. We will all be here when you come out.” Nick said as he kissed me and held my hand.
Celeste came to help wheel my gurney down to the operating room. Nick held my hand until he could no longer walk with us. “Be strong baby…be strong.” he said as he let go of my hand.
*** *** ***
“I hope they are all okay. Nick looks pretty bad.” Brian said. “He has tried to be strong and brave and not cry in front of anyone. He has taken on so much responsibility in such a little amount of time. He’s a daddy of the most beautiful baby ever, a husband to a wonderful woman, and one of the most recognized and famous singer in the world. I don’t know how he handles all the pressure. And all at the age of 20, it’s amazing.” he finished.
Everyone in the room just stared at Brian as he talked. It never dawned on anyone that Nick had gone through more in the last 10 months than anyone they had ever known. Howie just shook his head, Kevin hung his head, and AJ kept staring.
“And what will happen to him if Heather doesn’t make it?” Leighanne asked.
“It will kill him. His entire world revolves around her. And now with Little Bits, that is all his life is.” Brian concluded.
Nick soon walked into the room, overhearing Brian talking about Katie Lynne. “Brian, did I hear you say something about Kathryn Lynne?” he said seriously.
“Don’t worry, but Little Bits is doing fine. We were just talking about how special she is to you.” Brian said.
“Why do you call her Little Bits? Her name is Katie Lynne.” Nick said irritably.
“Nick, I didn’t mean any disrespect. It’s just that is my little nickname for her. But, I won’t call her that if you don’t want me to.” Brian said feeling hurt.
“No, no…I am sorry. It’s just that I am tired and stressed out. I just want to be alone with my daughter right now. Do you all mind?” he said.
Everyone silently left, understanding the feelings Nick was having. They let him sit alone in the room while they all went down to eat.
“Katie Lynne, Little Bits, as Brian likes to call you, I hope you will someday know just how special your mommy is.” he said as he gently stroked her head.
*** *** ***
“Dr. Christine, this doesn’t look good. We have already taken far more tissue than we had planned. If we take anymore, she won’t have anything left.” Dr. Sigapeli worried.
“Look, can’t we do chemotherapy or radiation? Won’t that get the rest of it?” Dr. Christine asked, hopeful.
“Yes, we can do chemo and stuff, but it doesn’t mean we will rid her of the cancer. Once she wakes up and we explain the situation, we can see what Nick and Heather want.” Dr. Sigapeli answered. “Now, let’s get her closed up, and then move her to recovery.”
*** *** ***
Celeste came to get Nick when the surgery was over. “Nick, Heather is in Recovery right now, and once she is awake enough, we will move her to a private room with supervision. Then you can see her.” she said.
“Thank you so much. Can I take Katie?” Nick asked.
“Umm, no, we don’t allow children in with the patient. Do you need someone to watch her?” Celeste asked thoughtfully.
“No, no, there are plenty of people to keep an eye on her while I visit with my wife. Don’t worry.” Nick said as he looked across the room at his friends.
“Dr. Sigapeli wants to speak with you, will you come with me?” she asked.
Nick nodded his head and walked out the room. The others just watched, not sure if it was going to be good news or bad. They all hoped it would be good.
*** *** ***
“Mr. Carter, your wife’s cancer has spread more than we anticipated. I figure it is due to the hormones during her pregnancy. Something that happens with pregnant women, the hormones and other chemicals released during the pregnancy can promote the spreading of the cancer.” Dr. Sigapeli explained.
“What are you saying? Is Heather going to be okay?” Nick asked nervously.
“Well, what we are going to have to do is chemotherapy and radiation treatments to help eliminate the rest of the cancer. We took a lot of tissue out already, and we didn’t want to remove any more, not at this time. It is too risky. I believe we should give the chemical treatments a fair chance. But otherwise, Heather is doing well. All I ask is that you give her comfort and compassion. She will probably be depressed about what she will see.”
“Doctor, Heather understands that I am here for her, no matter what.” Nick replied.
“Good, because when she wakes up and realizes that she has lost both of her breasts, then she is really going to need you.” Dr. Sigapeli said as he walked out.
Nick sat there stunned and afraid. He had prepared himself for this, but didn’t realize it would come to such extremes.
Once he was allowed to go to my room, he found me laying there asleep. He pulled the stool up next to my bed, and gently took my hand.
“Heather, I know that you are going through so much, but I want you to know, that no matter what happens, I am here for you. I will never give up, and I will love you no matter what. I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world, and I know in my heart that you will get better now.” Nick whispered.
I awoke slowly and looked at Nick. “Nickolas, did you hear what they…did…to me?” I said with tears streaming down my face.
“Honey, it’s okay. Honest. Just as long as you get better.” he said softly.
“Yeah…whatever…where’s our daughter?” I asked angrily.
“She can’t come in here Heather. They won’t let her. But, you will be going home on Sunday, so, you can see her then. You just get some rest and don’t worry about a thing. You are going to be fine.” Nick said as he went to get our friends.
After a brief visit, everyone left and let me rest. Jane and Bob took Katie Lynne home with them, and Nick stayed by my side. It was going to be a long couple of days…and there was nothing that could comfort me.