Chapter 85
“Nick???” I cried out. “Nick!!!”
There was no sound, no motion. Everything was dark. I felt pain, pain in my body that I had never experienced before. Where was I? What was happening to me?
I continued to scream out Nick’s name. Suddenly in the empty darkness ahead of me, I saw a pin-point of light. I reached out for it, hoping it would give me a clue. “NICK!! HELP ME!!” was all I could yell. A light started to emanate from the darkness. And far in the distance, I could see a shadow walked away.
“NICKOLAS!!!!” I screamed as I sat up suddenly.
“Baby! Wake up! It’s okay…it was only a nightmare. You are okay…I am right here.” Nick said as he tried to comfort me.
My breathing was irrational, my mind running in a thousand different directions. “Oh Nick, it was terrible. I was looking for you…and you weren’t there.” I said as tears streamed down my face. “I kept calling for you, but you weren’t there. And then, I saw you walking away from me.” I said as I laid back against the pillow.
“Heather, honey, I would never leave you. I have been here all the time.” Nick said, confused.
“It was dark, and there was a little light far away, and then a bright light, then you walking away.” I continued.
“Heather, just put it behind you, it was just a bad dream. Today you get to go home and see Katie Lynne.” he finished and then handed me a little cup of water.
I was happy that I was going home, but depressed that others would see me like this. In the hospital, I had refuge, and I didn’t worry about what others thought of my appearance. But outside, it was totally different. What would others think?
Dee suddenly knocked on the door. “Hiya Nick, I was thinking maybe you could use a little break. Why don’t you go and get some coffee, and let me and Heather talk for a few.” she said softly.
Nick welcomed the short break, he hadn’t eaten well in days, and his stomach was starting to argue. “Heather, I will be back in ten minutes, will you be okay?” he asked thoughtfully.
“Yes hon, I will be fine. Go and get yourself something to eat.” I whispered gently.
Nick walked away and down to the elevators. Finally, a moment to himself.
*** *** ***
“Heather, we need to talk. You need to be straight with me.” Dee insisted.
I was taken back by her comments. Straight with her? What ever did that mean?
“Dee, I don’t know what you mean.” I said curiously.
“Oh, yes, you do. You know more than Nick and the doctors are leading the rest of us to believe. Why can’t you just tell me? I am your best friend.” she said, obviously hurt.
“Dee, it’s because I don’t want you all to sit here and mope. It isn’t good for you, and it certainly doesn’t do me any good. Yes, it is true, the doctors said that my cancer has spread…and aren’t sure if they can cure it.” I answered her.
“My God…why not? Isn’t there SOME treatment they can give you? Chemo? Radiation? Something?” Dee asked, now very frightened.
“I start chemo treatments as soon as the sutures heal. Then, we will just have to see. But Dee, if the cancer can’t be stopped, it’s over.” I said as I looked away.
Dee refused to listen to this nonsense. “Heather, why are you giving up? You are NOT going to die. Do you understand that? You have a wonderful husband that needs you. You have a beautiful daughter that needs a daddy AND a mommy. Why did you have to be so damn stubborn and refuse treatments?? WHY!!!??? Why can’t you just get off your ass and get outta here. Take the treatments like you need to, and beat this monster?!” Dee shouted, unnerved.
“Denise, listen to me. I did everything to save the baby, and look, Kathryn is a beautiful baby. I did it for her and Nick. I didn’t mean for me to get so sick. No one knew it would come to this. Now, I have accepted it, why can’t you?” I said, trying to keep calm.
“Because Heather, you are trying to change what has been given to you. You are giving up on a life that has many more years. Since when have you quit? You cheated death when Nick saved you. You cheated it again, after I found you in your home, almost dead. And now, you can do it again. Tell your God that it is NOT your time!! If he loves you, then he will save you.” Dee said as tears poured down her cheeks.
“Dammit Denise. You need to learn that I can’t cheat death. I am living my life as it was destined to be. Just accept it!” I yelled back, suddenly feeling very weak.
At that moment, Nick came back to the room. “What the hell is going on in here? Since when do you two fight like this?” he asked nervously.
“Since your wife has decided to give up on life.” Dee said as she stormed out.
Nick stood there, stunned. “What is she talking about Heather?”
“Nick, I told her what the doctors said to us. They don’t know if I will beat this. I am just coming to grips with the situation, and preparing myself for the worst. I need to know that you all will be fine without me. I need to know that no matter what happens, you will move on, and raise Kathryn properly. I need to know this.” I said, straight-faced.
“No…don’t you do this. I am NOT letting go. It is not time to give up now Heather. I want you to be strong, and to get better. Why can’t you do that for me? That is all I ask…for you to be strong, yet, you are throwing everything away…and turning your back on us!” Nick said with salty tears forming in his eyes.
I just looked away. Why couldn’t they understand? Why were they all making it so difficult?
*** *** ***
“Mom, will you bring Katie Lynne to the house later this afternoon? We should be back around 3:00 pm. The doctors are finishing up a final checkup, and then they will release her. We will see you then.” Nick spoke to his mother.
As he turned to face his friends, he looked at them and said, “Well, it will take every ounce of strength I have, but I know we will get through this.” And with that, he walked off towards my room.
“Heather, it’s time to go. Dr. Sigapeli has scheduled your chemo treatments for ten days from now. I will be bringing you three times a week for treatment.” Nick said as he gathered my belongings.
After about fifteen minutes, an orderly came to escort me to our car, via a lovely wheelchair. I had always hated those things, you feel so helpless. I clutched a teddy bear, a little white one with angel wings and a halo, close to me. I wanted so bad to hug Nick, but my incisions wouldn’t allow me. It was far too painful to even have the slightest touch against my now distorted and mangled chest.
I was put in the car, and we finally made our way home.
*** *** ***
“Kat, we are leaving tomorrow for our trip to Spain that was cancelled. How does that sound?” Howie asked, excitedly.
“I guess so.” she said, less enthusiastically.
“Why are you so glum? We are going to spend time together, Heather is getting better, and well, this is the last chance I have to take a trip alone with you for the next millennium.” he said.
“Howie, is it right to leave right now?” Kat asked.
“Of course it is. Heather wouldn’t want us to be moping around like grouches all day long, so, I think this is a great idea.” he responded.
“Fine, I will get my bags packed and ready to go. What time does our flight leave? I want to drop in on Nick and Heather before we go.” Kat asked, trying to figure things out.
“We leave at 11:30 am tomorrow, so, we can go by before we go to the airport.” Howie said as he started pulling clothes outta the closet.
*** *** ***
“Leighanne, I know that we were thinking of September 9, but that is the same day that Kevin and Dee picked. I don’t want to share our special day.” Brian said honestly.
“Well, then, what day do you want? Do you want it sooner?” Leighanne asked.
“How about Saturday, July 8? In the evening, in the Botanical Gardens, down in Miami. I am sure we could arrange it.” Brian said thoughtfully.
“That sounds beautiful. Who is going to be your Best Man? Kevin or Nick?” she asked.
“Well, of course, Nick will be. He is my best friend. As much as I love Kevin, me and Nick are far closer, and I think Nick would be more touched by the honor of being the Best Man.” Brian said proudly. “So, who do you want as your Maid of Honor?”
“I want Heather. But I have to ask her.” Leighanne stated.
“I am sure she will say yes. By then, she should be better.” he replied.
“I think we should call them and ask them, right now.” Leighanne smiled.
*** *** ***
“Kevin, she is just giving up. That is ridiculous!!” Dee spilled to Kevin.
“Honey, listen to me. Sometimes people can’t take anymore pain in their lives. Sometimes God takes things away for mysterious reasons. But, I am sure that Heather isn’t giving up. She has never given up before, so why now?” Kevin asked.
“I don’t know…I just don’t know.” she responded.
*** *** ***
“Heather, I was wondering, we have planned the wedding for July 8, and I was hoping you would do me the honor of being my Maid of Honor?” Leighanne asked nervously.
“Leighanne, I would love to…” I answered, being interrupted.
“That is wonderful!!! I can’t wait to tell Brian!!” she shouted.
“But…I can’t.” I said softly.
“Wait? Did I hear you right? You can’t be the Maid of Honor? Why not?” Leighanne asked, noticeably irritated.
“I can’t explain it, but I don’t want you to plan on me being there.” I answered calmly.
“Heather, I just don’t understand. You had the surgery, and you are going to be fine now. The doctors told us that.” she replied.
“Well, they didn’t tell you everything…but I don’t want to talk about it.” I said.
“Well, then, could you please put Nick on the phone? Brian wants to speak with him.” she said roughly.
I could hear whispering in the background, and knew it was because Leighanne was upset. Brian quickly took the phone and asked he could speak to Nick.
“Nick, it’s B-Rok. I was wonderfin, could I ask a huge favor?” he questioned.
Nick replied with a simple, “yes.”
“Well, I was hoping, you see, me and Leighanne are getting married on July 9, and I wanted you to be the Best Man. Leighanne wanted Heather as her Maid of Honor, but apparently she said no. What gives?”
“I would love to be your Best Man. Thank you so much Brian, that means a lot to me. As for Heather, I don’t know what it up. She is acting funny, acting like today is her last day on earth. The doctors told us that things are going to get better, but apparently she is giving up. I can’t seem to help her, and it is really hurting me.” Nick replied, hoping that I wouldn’t hear him.
“Well, if you need anything, just give us a call. Honest.” Brian said. “Oh, and Nick, management wants us there day after tomorrow to listen to some more music. They said you have to be there. It will only be for a few hours. I am sorry.”
“I should be there…but only for a while.” Nick said.
“Great, I will stop by tomorrow to see you two. See you then.” Brian then said his good-byes and hung up.
*** *** ***
Nick walked into the living room, where I was laying on the couch watching television. He was disturbed by my attitude lately. He knew that the surgery I had was traumatic, and he understood the pain and suffering I had gone through. But he couldn’t understand why I was giving up.
“Heather Lynne, you and I really need to talk.” Nick said.
I knew that it must be serious, because he used my whole name. “Nick, there is nothing to talk about. I just want to watch television.” I said softly.
“No,” he said as he clicked the tv off. “You are going to tell me what is going on. Now.” he said sternly.
“Nick, why don’t you all get it? I heard the doctors arguing, I know what they think, or rather what they know. They know I am going to die, so why don’t you just let me? Let me die peacefully. Please.”
“NO! NO! NO! I am going to let you do that. I WILL NOT!” Nick yelled. “You may be feeling sorry for yourself…but no one else is going to let you do it! None of us are believing it, so you better get up off that couch and quit feeling sorry for yourself. I know you hurt, but Heather…you can’t give up! Now, get up!” Nick demanded.
I had never seen Nick so angry. I just wanted it to all go away, but Nick sure wasn’t ready to let that happen. Suddenly, there was a knock at the front door.
“Dammit…not now!” he said as he stomped off towards the front door. “What?!” he yelled as he flung the door wide-open.
“Nickolas, what is wrong?” Jane asked as she stepped back. She and Bob had brought Katie Lynne back home, and were going to stay and help clean the house for us.
“Oh mom, I am so sorry. It’s just that Heather and I…we…were…” Nick was trying to say.
“Talking.” I finished for him as I walked up behind him. “Hello Jane and Bob. How are you? Thank you so much for taking Katie.” I said cheerfully.
Nick looked at me surprised. “Heather, shouldn’t you be lying down?” he said sweetly, yet sarcastically.
“I am fine honey, it feels good to finally be up and about. I know I can’t be up long, so I plan on taking advantage of when I can.” I said.
Jane and Bob looked at us weirdly, but figured it was nothing. “Son, Katie Lynne is such a good baby. She hardly cried and well, she sleeps very well. If I had known it was going to be this easy, I would have offered to help more. I am sorry.” Bob said.
“Dad, it’s okay. But, I may need your help over the next few weeks. Taking Heather back and forth for treatments and stuff, plus having to be at the studios, I am going to be pulled back and forth. Would you both mind watching Katie during the days. I know that she is very very young, but I don’t have much choice. Heather can’t lift her right now, so, I need help.” Nick begged.
“We would love to. Just call us when you need us to take her.” Jane answered. “Umm, we are going to help get some dinner made, so, if you don’t mind, we will head to the kitchen.” Jane told us.
“Mom…you don’t have to do that.” Nick said.
“Jane, oh no. We don’t need you to wait hand and foot on us.” I told her.
“Heather hon, you don’t want to eat Nick’s cooking, the last time he cooked dinner for me, it was charbroiled.” she laughed.
“Mom, that was a long time ago. I can cook now!!” Nick protested.
We all just laughed as Nick pouted and Bob and Jane left for the kitchen.
“Nick, can we go talk for a bit?” I asked him softly, so that his parents would not hear.
“Yes.” he said as he looked at me with an angry expression.
*** *** ***
“Dee, I am going to call up Nick and see if they need any help.” Kevin said.
“I was just about to do the same.” she replied.
Kevin picked up the phone and dialed. When the voice on the other end answered, he said, “Hello? Who is this?”
“This is Jane. Kevin, is that you?” she asked.
“Yeah, but what are you doing there?” he asked curiously.
“We are making dinner for Nick and Heather. We just wanted to help. What is the matter?” she answered.
“Oh nothing, we were just checking in on the two of them. Is everything okay?” he questioned.
“Yeah, but I think they had a fight earlier. When we came up to the house, we heard Nick yelling, and then when he answered the door, he seemed irritated. But, they won’t say what it was about.” she said.
“I know what it was about, but, I think time will heal that.” Kevin stated.
Jane stood there trying to figure out what the situation was. But, she only could think that if Nick wanted everyone to know, then he would tell them.
“Well, Kevin, whatever it is, they will work it out. So, would you like me to tell them something for you and Dee?”
“Just tell them we will come by sometime tomorrow to see them. Thanks Jane…and good luck.” Kevin said, then hung up.
*** *** ***
“Nick, I am sorry that I have put you through so much. If you will accept me as I am, and all, then I will try hard to get better. I will do everything I can to make it through. I will, I promise.” I said.
“Now that is what I want to hear. You are going to put all that nonsense behind you, and move on. We can do it together. We can.” Nick said with a smile.
“Yes, we can. Just remind me when things aren’t good. That way I don’t mope anymore. I can’t believe that I was letting things get the best of me. I know I have been really hard on everyone. For that I am sorry. Why do you all put up with me?” I asked.
“Because we love you…that’s why!” Nick cheered.
“Well, then let’s get back there and help you mother.” I said.
We then had a very pleasant dinner, and then I went to lay down for a while. I was exhausted, and the effort it took to sit upright for over an hour put a ton of strain on me. However, Nick would always smile that cute little smile of his, so it made me giggle. I was easily distracted, which helped me.
*** *** ***
Everyone was seeming to get back to normal. Howie and Kat called to say they would be leaving for two weeks for their trip to Spain. Kevin, Brian, and AJ were planning on looking over some more tracks. Nick would be returning to work in a few days to work on the album.
Dee and Leighanne were busy as bees trying to put all the details together for their upcoming weddings, and I was just to rest.
Jane and Bob had promised to come and help with Katie Lynne. Despite
the pain and stuff I felt, I was suddenly happy again. Nick had knocked
some sense into me. He knew that I didn’t want to give up, but sometimes,
a person needs a little help to see that. I was grateful that Nick
and I argued, because if it wasn’t for him, I would have given up a long
time ago. I always knew that Nick was my guardian angel, and for
that, I thanked God.