Chapter 89
“Mom, I don’t know. She is awake, but the doctor’s haven’t come to talk to me yet.” Nick said to his mom when she arrived.
Suddenly, Dr. Sigapeli showed up. “Nick, I heard Heather was here. What seems to be the problem?” he asked.
“She was coughing really bad last night, and well, this morning, she was really hard to wake up. Then she said she couldn’t breathe very well. I brought her in, but no one is telling me anything.” he said nervously. “Could you please take me to her?”
Dr. Sigapeli nodded his head, fully aware in his mind what was happening. “Come with me Nick. We will go and find out what is going on.”
After about 20 minutes, they allowed Nick to come in and see me. They had a ventilator hooked up. They were administering Albuterol Nebs to help with the wheezing and tightness in my chest.
“Mr. Carter, your wife has the early stages of pneumonia. However, we are very concerned. The tumor has gotten larger, and well, it is cutting off the oxygen supply to her brain. There is nothing we can do to help her. I am so sorry.” the trauma doctor said.
“I understand.” Nick said as he walked off. He had to step out for a moment, so that he wouldn’t break down in front of anyone.
His mother and father saw him, and approached. “Nickolas, what is happening?”
“Heather is dying. The tumor has spread…and it is cutting off the oxygen to her brain. And to top it off, she has pneumonia. The doctors say it won’t be much longer.” he said as tears streamed down his face. “And, I am so afraid to look at her. I can’t go back in there.” he said ashamed.
“Nickolas, you need to be at your wife’s side.” Bob said.
“Where is Katie Lynne? Who has her!!” Nick panicked.
“It’s okay, Angel and Aaron have her. We called Brian and Leighanne; they are on the way.” Jane answered.
Nick could do nothing but slump down to the floor. He had been strong up until this very moment. He just wasn’t ready for this. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye or to take care of Katie Lynne all by himself. It wasn’t fair.
*** *** ***
Everyone arrived as usual. It was becoming routine. Dee came to my side as quickly as possible. Everyone was so familiar with the hospital scene. Unfortunately.
“Heather, how are you?” she asked softly.
I couldn’t really talk at the moment, and all I could do was nod my head. I was scared. I didn’t want to die, especially in here.
“Don’t try and talk honey, they have you on the ventilator. “You are going to get out of here. None of us will let you stay in here. They are giving you some medicine for the pneumonia. As soon as that calms down enough, they are going to let you outta here. Don’t worry.” she said.
I couldn’t talk, but she knew what was wrong. I wanted to know where Nick was…and I needed him.
“I will go and get Nick for you. He was talking to his parents. I tell him that you need him.” she said sincerely and then left.
I was in a room by myself, and I felt so alone. I didn’t want to die here in this room where it was so silent and distant from those I loved so much. It couldn’t be this way.
Nick soon arrived at my room, standing at the door. “Honey, I am here. I am sorry I haven’t been in here.” he said.
I looked at him, and noticed that dried tears stained his cheeks. He approached my bed, and pulled up a chair next to me. He looked at me wearily. I reached my hand up to his cheek, wiping the salty tears off. He held my hand gently to his face, and then kissed it gently.
“Heather, I am going to get you outta here. I don’t want you to die here.” Nick said sincerely, holding back the tears.
I nodded, and understood. He knew that I didn’t want to be here. He knew that my place was at home near him. It would be so much more peaceful. He soon stood up, and told me, “I am going to talk to the doctors, and tell them your wishes. I will have them take you off the ventilator. And then we will go home.” Nick said as he left silently.
*** *** ***
“But she doesn’t want to die here in the hospital! Can’t you understand that?!” Nick shouted at the doctors.
“Mr. Carter, unless she signs the paperwork, we will not take her off the ventilator. Unless she slips into a coma…and you become her guardian.” the doctor said.
“Fine, take her the paperwork. She is very much alert and coherent. Take them to her and she will sign them. But whatever you do, let her out soon. She refuses to stay.” Nick huffed.
The doctor stood his ground, but soon realized that this was something that he had to do. He didn’t want to see me die in the hospital alone either.
Dr. Sigapeli came to pick up the paperwork, and then came to the room to talk with Nick and I.
“Heather, I understand that you want to leave. Is that correct?” he asked thoughtfully.
I nodded my head ‘yes’.
“If we could sit you up, I need you to sign some paperwork. It is your release forms. It allows us to remove you from the ventilator and to let you leave. It also keeps the hospital from being held liable. You are withholding further treatment, under your own control, and we will not have any part left in your treatments.” he said.
I nodded my head again. I looked over all the legal stuff, and I signed them. Dr. Sigapeli started to remove the ventilator. He knew that I would be okay to breathe on my own, at least for some time. But it may only be for a few days. The ventilator was mainly to help me breathe good oxygen, instead of having to struggle.
Once the ventilator was taken offline, I sat up slowly. In a very weak voice, “Nick, please take me home. Please.”
Nick helped me up, and carried me down the hallway. All of our friends stood there, shocked to see me leaving. Only Jane, Bob, and Dee understood what was happening.
Nick carried me out of the hospital, and to the car. He placed me gently in the truck, and we left for home. Aaron and Angel took Katie with them in Jane and Bob’s car. Everyone followed us to the house. On the way home, I explained as best as I could to Nick what I wanted.
“Nick, I want to finish my life, where you saved me. I want to see the sunset on the beach with you. Right were you gave me my life, I want you to be there with me. Please.” I said with tears.
Nick couldn’t help but cry. He wasn’t ready to let go. And to have to say goodbye were we first met, on the beach, was killing him.
“Heather, why? Why do you have to go?” Nick asked, knowing that it truly was out of my control.
“Nick, I don’t want to suffer anymore. Please. You will be fine. You have Katie, and she has you. You will take care of each other.” I said.
“But, I need you too! You can’t leave me!” Nick cried.
“God has other things for me to do Nick. He is watching over you…and I will be there watching over you and Katie Lynne always. I promise.” I said, having a hard time breathing.
“Heather, please know that you will always be in my heart.” Nick said as we pulled up into the driveway.
“And you will always be in my heart as well.” I said as he helped me from the car.
We spent the evening in our home, preparing for the worst. Kevin, Brian, Howie, and AJ sat with Nick in the kitchen, not knowing how to help. Dee, Leighanne, and Kat sat with me. Brianna had come to be with AJ. I didn’t really get a chance to know her very well, but felt honored that she was here. Jane and Bob would bring water, while the Carter children played with Katie.
I laid on the couch, trying to make peace with everyone and everything. One thing finally came to mind. “Jane, I need some paper…and a pen.” I said.
Jane nodded and got me the supplied off our writing desk. “Here you go sweetie.”
I sat up slowly.
“Dear Scott,
Your wishes have come true. These are the last days of my life. I hope you are happy. Although you never got your wish the way you wanted it, you can thank your God or higher being. I will no longer be part of this world. But I guarantee, that once you leave this world, you will be judged by God. I hope that your life is full of peace and happiness. My life has had everything I ever wanted; a wonderful husband who loves and cares for me and a beautiful daughter. They will always be in my heart. I am forgiving you for all the things you did to me and my family. But, I know that it is God’s forgiveness that will be your last. Good luck, and may you someday find the happiness you wish for.
Best regards,
Heather Lynne Carter”
“Jane, could you please put this in the mail for me? It needs to go to the Florida State Prison in Tallahassee. It is for Scott.” I said softly.
“Does Nick know about this?” she asked.
“NO, but you can let him read it if you want to. It doesn’t matter.” I said. “and one more thing…I need the journal you will find in the nightstand next to our bed. Could you get it for me?”
“Yes, of course.” she answered and went to get it.
“Dee, I need you to hold this. Once I am gone…I want you to give it to Nick.” I said as I held the cd in my hand that was created at the studio.
She nodded. “What is it?”
“It is a recording I did for Nick and Katie and all of you. Only after I am gone, will you all listen to it? It is very important to me.” I said.
“Yes, of course.”
“And, the journal, give it to Nick later. I have one more entry to put into it. And then I want you to hold it until after the funeral.” I begged.
“I will do whatever you want me to.” she answered.
Leighanne and Kat couldn’t understand what was happening. They hated to see me like this. “Heather, now I understand why you couldn’t be at the wedding. How did you know?” Leighanne asked.
“I knew in my heart that I couldn’t promise you. It would break your heart if I did, and then didn’t make it. But I will be watching over you as you walk down that aisle in a week and half.” I said.
“And you will be there in our hearts.” she replied, letting the tears flow.
Jane returned with the journal, and I wrote my final entry in it.
“Dearest Nickolas and Katie Lynne,
I know the time has come for me to say goodbye. Please be strong and don’t be afraid. I love you both will all my heart. Don’t forget about me, and Nick, tell all the wonderful stories you can about us to Katie. You are a wonderful father. And she should be proud to have you as her daddy. Be there for her, to guide her. Katie, stay with your daddy, and help him. He needs you just as much as you need him. Grow up together. Help your daddy find someone to help make him happy in his life.
Nickolas, please promise me that you will be fine. Please promise me that you will go on and you will have other children, and you will raise them as you will raise my own. Please promise me that you will find happiness again…and will not dwell on me. Please. I can’t go knowing that you will never be happy again. You have made me the happiest woman in the world. You gave me life when I thought there was no reason to live. You showed me love and happiness that I never thought could exist. God is calling for me. Pray that he takes me to his heavenly country. I will be watching you. I love you both…and never forget…You’ll Be In My Heart.
I love you both always and forever…never let go of that.
Heather Lynne (Mommy)”
And with that, I closed the book, and handed it to Dee. She was in tears, knowing that it must be killing me inside to do this. “Don’t forget, give it to him, after some time has passed. And Dee, watch over Nick for me. Be a good friend…and make sure the guys give him support. He will be alone with Katie. Please promise me you help Katie Lynne and will be there for her.” I whispered.
“I promise.” she said as she leaned down to hug me.
I then closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep. Dee pulled the
covers over me and went to tell Nick that I was asleep. Nick came
and sat at my side, never leaving me.