15. Chicks aren't too impressed by a varsity letter in "Chores."
14. Pajamas you ain't been out of all semester are the source of fungi specimens for your biology lesson.
13 "Once again, today's lesson will be given by Regis and Kathie Lee..."
12. You're sick to death of this fall's only course: "History of Your Father's Drinking and Womanizing."
11. "Good, Billy... now if you shoot two *more* abortion doctors, how many are left then?"
10. Takes about nine pumps to get a decent flow going on the Ritalin keg.
9. You can't understand why you get Mrs. Culpepper every year. Your last name? Culpepper.
8. No matter how interesting you make the curriculum, Junior always wants to go down the block to Ms. LeTourneau's home school.
7. Five bucks for a PB&J seems high, but Dad has to make a profit somewhere.
6. Mom calls them "Environmental Studies field trips," but it seems suspiciously like taking out the garbage.
5. Sex education with Mom consists of nothing but gardening metaphors.
4. Sure, you're the valedictorian and the star of the basketball team, but your prom date choices are limited to your mom and the UPS guy.
3. Despite the cheerleader outfit, Mom's pep rallies suck.
2. Prom Committee deadlock among Teletubbies, Barbie Dreamhouse, and WWF Extreme Smack-Down themes now entering third month.
1. Ever since Dad left, Mom always tries to nail you in the groin at dodgeball.