| Ah, quotes... you know you love them. Whether it's just a simple catch phrase, or a presidential address, everyone has heard at least one string of words that somehow manages to stick in their mind.
To honor those many phrases and quotes, I have made my very own section dedicated to them! Enjoy. :-) |
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"Hi everybody!" -That uh... doctor from The Simpsons... what's his name? Dr. Nick, I believe. (thanx, Cyno)
"Got milk?" -commercial
"Flying papayas don't exist!" -Moonbay, Zoids: Chaotic Century
"Saying that fur is people pretending to be animals is like saying Star Wars is people pretending to be aliens." -some guy named Gunfox
"Sorry, but our princess is in another castle." -...argg!! *goes about smashing NES's*
Jessie: To protect the world from devastation!
James: To unite all peoples within our nation!
Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
James: To extend our reach to the stars above!
Jessie: Jessie!
James: James!
Jessie: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!
James: Surrender now or prepare to fight!
Meowth: Meowth! That's right!
(Pokémon, animated series)
"Yeah, bay-bee, yeah..." -Austin Powers (there's a classic for ya.)
Agent J: You do know Elvis is dead, right?
Agent K: No, Elvis is not dead; he just went home.
(movie, Men in Black)
"Whoa! Whoa! Wait... You know her, she knows you, but she wants to eat him. And... everybody's okay with this? Did I miss something!?" -Timon, The Lion King
"Doughnut, go!" -Brock, from the Pokémon t.v series, deciding that a pastry with enough momentum will stop a rampaging Primeape dead in its tracks. ...Sure.
"What're you waitin' for? Christmas?" -Duke Nukem, Duke Nukem 3D (that guy kicks total arse, man...)
"You can cut me now, but it will only be your soul that bleeds." -Lisa, from Whiteyoshi200's story "Average"
"I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist." -my dad, master of the rhetorical answer
"Ekum Mokum." -strange sound in Banjo-Kazooie when you get a Mumbo Token (yeah, I know what it's supposed to say... I think. ...Okay, so I don't. Shoot me.)
"Okies." -I swear, I first heard that from LunaYoshi :-P
"Yoshi!" -Yoshi
"Pikachu!" -Pikachu
"Pineapples!" -me ...don't ask
"Meow." -our kitten (Aww.) >^..^<
"Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. (etc, etc.)" -try sleeping to that
"MEEOOOWWW!!!" -same cat as above, only in "bath-mode"
"Ow! He scratched me! That son of a $%&#!!!" -my sister, bathing the aforementioned cat
"...Dad... next time, YOU'RE bathing the cat." -one hour later
"HAHAHAHA!!!" -my dad, two seconds later
"You still think that a whooper comes with mustard!?! Fine. I'll just hi-jack this bus, drive to the nearest Burger King, buy a whooper, open the wrapping, split open the buns, shove them in your face, and YOU can tell me if there's any mustard on it!" -obstinate school bus passenger, talking to some girls
"Life is like a box of chocolates..." -I don't really have to finish this one, do I?
"Look, look I was faking it, okay? I-I feel fine. Just don't let him stick that thing up my HE-LLO!" -dog at the vet, from the new Dr. Dolittle movie
"No! Not the deamons!!" -Katy M.
"Come meet the musical creatures who hide among the flowers!" -movie, Disturbing Behavior
"Children are God's spies." -Elizabeth Bowen
"Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil." -Robert A. Heinlein
"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." -Epictetus
"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." -James Baldwin
"It is a bad plan that admits of no modification." -Publilius Syrus
The deadliest enemies of nations are not their foreign foes; they always dwell within their borders. And from these internal enemies civilization is always in need of being saved. The nation blessed above all nations is she in whom the civis genius of the people does the saving day by day, by acts without external picturesquess; by speaking, writing, voting reasonably; by smiting corruption swiftly, by good temper between parties; by the people knowing true men when they see them, and preferring them as leaders to rabid partisan or empty quacks." -William James (...heavy, man.)
"The future belongs to those who belive in the beauty of their dreams." -Eleanor Roosevelt
"A sense of duty pursues us ever... If we take to ourselves the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, duty performed or duty violated is still with us, for our happiness or our misery. If we say the darkness shall cover us, in the darkness as in the light our obligations are yet with us." -Daniel Webster
"Kites rise high against the wind, not with it." -Winston Churchill
"It is always good when a man has two irons in the fire." -John Fletcher
"If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it?" -Herodotus
"True love is best found with experience. First-time lovers often fall for the traps of their own emotions, and fail to see the true contents of their hearts." -anonymous
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be constantly fearing that you will make one." -Ellen Hubbard
"This is pathetic! You all sound like chapters from a self-help booklet! Prepare yourselves!" -Kefka's response to the heroes' "reasons we’re saving the world" speech, Final Fantasy VI
"Some people are just... out there..." -I dunno who said it first, but it used to be my motto
. o 0 (Dude!) -Dogman45 (it's a classic.)
"No! I'm never ready! But since you've asked, I might as well go." -anonymous
"I am not piercing my belly button. It never did anything to me." -MTV's Daria
"Save CONSTANTLY." -kid at my school (Best. Advice. Ever.)
"Who asked you?!" -a rather rude quote
television: Here's a quarter. Call someone who cares.
me: But a call costs 35 cents!
"If I'm not back in fifteen minutes... call the police." -I dunno who said it first, but it's still a pretty cool thing to say, don'tchya think?
"If I'm not back in five minutes, wait longer." -Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
"Gotta catch 'em all!" -Pokčmon! (I just... had to. I'm sorry.)
"That's right kids. It's time for bed. Now go kiss the toilet and pee on your mother." -my dad. He was just kidding... I hope.
"You want a story? You want a story!? I've got your big headline for ya: HOWARD BRACKET is a big, queer, sissy, homo, gay man! He just came out, at his big church wedding! Martha Steward is furious!" -Howard, screaming at a reporter in the movie In & Out
"Courage is hanging on for just one more minute..." -NightwingChanlin saw it on a poster
"Beautiful furs belong on beautiful animals, not beautiful people." -a quote
Yes! Exactly! See?
...
*whimper* Please don't hurt my fur...
Don't worry. You'd have to be beautiful before that happened.
Phew, that's a load off.
...Hey!
"Second place is first loser." -a wise t-shirt (aren't they all?)
"ROOAAARRR!!" -that could be anything, but it'll be dead if it doesn't get off my lawn in the next ten seconds...
"So be it." -a quote
"Why not?" -a quote
"Brevity is the soul of wit." -William Shakespeare
"Cheetahs never prosper!" -Zazu, The Lion King, dishing out the movie's worst pun
Ekans: Ekans Ekans Ekans Ekans! (Pokémon not bad guys!)
Koffing: Koffing! (That's right!)
Meowth: There's no such thing as a bad pokémon?!
Ekans: Ekans Ekans Ekans... (Pokémon do bad things...)
...Ekans Ekans! (...because Master bad!)
Meowth: It can't be! My Master's not around and I always seem to act like a rat!
(Pokémon, animated series)
"...If you ask a kid at school what he hates about school, and he says 'everything', then goes off to gym class and hangs out with his buddies, then you've found a liar. If you ask a kid what he hates about school, and he says 'everything', and means it, then you've found a real dangerous kid." -a comedian
"It's always the quiet ones... you've got to watch them the most. You never know what they might be thinking..." -paranoid bus driver
"Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice." -anonymous
"You son of a (beep) (beep)er! You (beep)! Eat my (beep)! Hurry up! Hurry up and lick my (beep), you (beep)ing (beep) (beep)! (beep)ing booger! (beep) (beep)! (beep)hole! [...] You (beep)ing (beep)! Move your sour (beep)-caked (beep), you hear me? Butt-(beep)er! (beep)!" -this is why you can't censor a Steven King novel
"Ew, don't touch me! I just washed my face with your greasy, dirty hands!" -speaking typo?
"England and America are two nations separated by a common language." -G.B. Shaw, Irish bard
"Here in America, when we say we're going to kick someone's ass, we mean it." -my dad's patriotism
"Dale, we live in Texas. It's already a'hundred-and-ten degrees in the shade, and if it gets one degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your ass!" -Hank Hill, Fox television series King of the Hill
"I am not here to be the valet, I'm here to kick your..." -Fox McCloud in Yoster's "The Super Smash Tournament"
You must be an administrator to kill users. -ichat browser plugin
thug: Want me to teach this kid a lesson?
General White: Yes, education is very important.
(Dragonball)
"Men aren't born stupid, they're born ignorant. Education makes them stupid." -Bertrand Russel
"The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin." -Heinrich Heine
"They're bigger losers than the guy who invented homework!" -Team Rocket's James, Pokémon
"Sanity is highly overrated." -Shadow009
"...For what I have in mind, the less people I have with me, the better. I need you to stay here and explain to the General why I do crazy things like this." -VanBrain's old StarFox/Super Metroid fanfic, "Executive Orders"
"It's craptacular." -Bart Simpson
"DreamCrap: it's stinking." -FatalTalon
"I'm not afraid of heights-- I'm afraid of falling from them!" -um... well, I'm sure SOMEONE said this before I did
"Ack! Dad left the macaroni on and it's exploding!!" -Yoshira (It was only water.) :-P
"My jukebox isn't gonna be replaced with some guy standing in the corner going 'Feed, feed, feed...'" -The Animal, radio personality on The Blaze
"...It absolutely sux, and takes no talent to sing like a drunk hillbilly fat a** motherfu**ing redneck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -Kyotee, speaking against country western music
"Da-amn!" -Will Smith (nobody can use that word better, IMHO)
"Freeze in Hell!" -Mr. Freeze
kid: This game sucks!
teacher: Now there's a word I don't like to hear in here.
kid: Uh... this game inhales violently.
(my computer science class)
"Why do we have to resort to non-violence? Can't we just kick their asses?" -Leela, Futurama
"Oh my God, they killed Kenny! Those bastards!" -South Park, on nearly every episode, and t-shirt, and spoof of the t-shirt...
"You dastards!!" -Whiteyoshi200
"Oh shut the **** up." -Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld
"dang how much do i have to ****ing cuss to get my ass kicked out of here" -Cosmoses, during Nsider chat
"This is what happens when we let toilet language run rampant!" -Kyle's mom in the South Park movie
"If I were human, I believe my response would be... go to hell."
*everyone stares*
"...If I were human." -Spock, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (Anyone else like the old Star Trek movies?)
"Judging by pictures, Hell looks more interesting than that other place." -Japanese proverb
"This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before." -Butthead, Beavis and Butthead do America
"I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows." -Bart Simpson
"When in doubt, duck. When certain, don't bother, because you're already screwed." -Meredith Rose
Lisa: I think it's ironic that dad saved the day, whereas a slimmer man would have fell to his death.
Bart: I think it's ironic that for once dad's butt PREVENTED the release of toxic gas--
Marge: --Bart!
(The Simpsons)
"Bouncy ball is the source of all goodness and light" -Taipei fortune
"It's 1 AM, do you know where your ducks are?" -Adam
elderly man: Well, there are three ways to pay.
Kermit: Which are?
elderly man: A) Cash B) Check C) Slip out in the middle of the night, a VERY popular choice.
Fozzie: We'll take C.
(movie, The Great Muppet Caper)
"I'm about to batter Dinky's door down wid dis here log." -Huckleberry Hound
"Ah wuz sow gay. And ah couldn't tell enyone!" -Huckleberry Hound, during his cameo on The Simpsons
"It's times like these that make me want to go straight." -James of Team Rocket, Pokémon (It's from the second or third episode in the animé series. A real lark.)
"Point!" -Pinky, from the cartoon Pinky and the Brain
"Zort!" -another inane Pinky quote
"Bingo!" -Botan, Yu Yu Hakusho
Magus: Please tell me I didn't just see frogs.
Kain: Well, unless we're all seeing things, you did.
Magus: I hope they're not carrying swords.
(fanfic, "One of those Nights" by Shadow009)
"Swords are cool, but almost totally useless for any encounter in science fiction. The other guy probably has a gun, and the guy with the gun always wins in such a contest." -cybRpunk
"MEN at WOIK" -a sign (off one of them old Popeye cartoons)
Lirline: Oh, Homer! You're as smart as you are handsome!
Homer: Hey!! ...Oh, you meant that as a compliment.
(The Simpsons)
"I'd compliment you, but none come to mind. So can I just diss you till you whine like a sissy?" -Multex707
"It's better to burp and taste it than fart and waste it." -my dad, being gross/himself (I understand it's a common saying... Personally, hearing it once is enough for me.)
"There old saying in my tribe... Leftovers good!" -Quina, Final Fantasy IX
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian." -Dennis Wholey
"When you take a bull by the horns, what happens is a toss up." -William Pett Ridge
"The reason the world isn't a better place is because the occupants are in charge of maintenance." -anonymous
"When my mum opened up a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." -unknown
"Fall is my favorite season in L.A., watching the birds change color and fall from the trees." -David Letterman
"Let's go somewhere where the leaves don't scream before they fall off." -Dilbert
"Well if the monkeys need humans to save them they're ****ed." -an optimistic conservationist
"Every time I hear the words 'Animal' and 'Rights' in the same sentence, I'm shooting twenty of something." -Ted Nugent
"Heh. Humans. The only thing you can depend on is that they're always undependable." -Meowth, Pokémon
"Their type is only good for moving furniture or fixing cars." -Mai, speaking of boys (Yu-Gi-Oh! animated series)
A clever man builds a city,
A clever woman lays one low;
With all her qualifications, that clever woman
Is but an ill-omened bird.
A woman with a long tongue
Is a flight of steps leading to calamity;
For disorder does not come from heaven,
But is brought about by women.
- Chinese poem
Mr. Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate some of my money to the local orphange... when pigs fly! Hahaha!
*pig flies by the window*
Smithers: ...You going to be donating that money now, sir?
Mr. Burns: No, I think I'd rather not.
(The Simpsons)
"...Not every situation calls for your patented approach of shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more, and then when everybody's dead try to ask a question or two." -President Grant, from the Wild Wild West movie
"I refuse to join another elitist group of people who came to a chat because they liked it and then leave it to form their own 'unofficial' community, as if they have the power to take the LH whereever they go." -Diedrupo
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right... I hope you had the time of your life." -Green Day, "Time of Your Life"
"Ya know, the Bare Naked Ladies are hypocrites. They're really fully clothed men!" -Alexa
guard: Who are you?
Heffer: We're a big unruly mob!
mob: (singing) A big unruly mob!
Rocko: Actually, we're the concerned citizens of O-Town.
guard: And you were sent by?
Heffer: A great big pile of rotting vegetable matter!
mob: (singing) A great big rotting pile!
Rocko: Well, actually, a compost heap, but the description is accurate.
guard: Do you have an appointment?
Rocko: Well, no, actually, this was sort of a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing.
guard: So how do you all know the words?
Rocko: I don't know the words!
mob: (singing) He doesn't know the words!
Rocko: (to mob) SHUT UP!
(Rocko's Modern Life, Nickelodeon animated series)
"I'll try being nicer, if you try being smarter." -a T-shirt Some1else found
"Keep honking- I'm reloading!" -bumper sticker
"Horn broken; watch for finger!" -another bumper sticker
"So many stupid people, so few comments." -yet another bumper sticker... sense a theme?
"No, KidsWb is going to show 'We're stupid morons and we hate you all so we're going to show you the episodes we cut up and censored the most because we care' week." -NightVision of the UPNetwork BBS, in reply to a topic about Kids'WB's theme weeks
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
"Stupidity has a habit of getting its way." -John Lithgow
"History doesn't repeat itself, stupid people repeat history." -unknown
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." -unknown
"Love makes the world go round; Stupid people make the world go...SLOW!" -Me'EiSha Barnett
"Do you have an ID10T? Or should I rephrase, are you an ID10T?" -BrianStarr16's cousin
"I'm surrounded by idiots..." -Scar, The Lion King (know the feeling, BrianStarr?)
"Well, at least I shall die as I have lived. COMPLETELY surrounded by morons." -Black Mage, 8-Bit Theater
"In the beginning, God created idiots. This was for practice. Then He created school boards." -Mark Twain
"I dunno, God was pretty cool in the old days. He'd smite you just for the hell of it. Mean old bastard, but pretty cool at times." -WizardSlayer
"Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy." -Ambrose Bierce
"Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish." -Albert Einstein
"I think the only thing God and the Devil will ever have in common is that they both have a sense of humor." -anonymous
"God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant, and the cat. He has no real style. He just keeps on trying other things." -Pablo Picasso
"Hey, great! That looks like an actual artist drew it!" -my sister, commenting on one of my drawings (Gee, thanks...)
"Do you want to know what the best thing about childhood is? At some point it stops." -Malcom, Malcom in the Middle
"Youth! It's wasted on the young." -Grandpa Wolf, Rocko's Modern Life
The rising sun will eventually set,
A newborn's life will fade;
From sun to moon and moon to sun,
Give peaceful rest to the living dead.
(engraving on the royal family's tombstone, The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time)
"Kids are learning to fly earlier and earlier these days." -Freiza, DragonBall Z (I'm not going to be crucified for the spelling on this one. That dude's name is spelled about five different ways. Talk about inconsistency.)
"Listen up! Teamwork means staying out of my way." -Seifer, Final Fantasy VIII
Armarant: "He who hesitates is lost." You'd best remember that.
Zidane: Well, I prefer "My way or the highway."
(Final Fantasy IX)
"If you are lost, speeding up does not help." -Arno Penzias, 1959 Nobel Prize winner
"Computers are like cars; The faster they go, the more often they crash." -Yoster64
"We've crashed over ten-thousand cars and trucks..." -Ford Motor Company, during one of their commercials
"Friends don't let friends drive Fords." -a hat WhiteYoster64 found at a truck stop in New Mexico or Arizona... he forgot which.
"Oh that's real subtle, drive a tank down the road and try to shoot up the VHQ." -RingShadow's StarFox fanfic, "Operation: Bloodwork"
"Naaro, I've got reports coming in that you're killing all the cute and fuzzy bunnies in the Nsider Petting Zoo. You are hereby ordered to cease and desist or face the wraith of DOOM83!" -one of NoaTravis's famous shouts
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
-Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -Mariah Carey
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are." -Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 22
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." -David Dinkins, New York City Mayor (answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes)
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." -Winston Bennett, Univ. of KY basketball forward
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
"Oh, you know I can't count." -Miss Parish (my math teacher)
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks (that'll make ya dizzy.)
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." -Hillary Clinton (commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents)
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." -Former French President Charles De Gaulle
"1,000 sperm, and you were the fastest?" -movie, Vertical Limit
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." -a Congressional Candidate in Texas (sure makes me proud to be a Texan.)
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -Former U.S. Vice-president Dan Quayle
Yes, I know--I heard it, too. -Lisa Simpson's mind
old man: Took you long enough! How goes the robbing and plundering trade?
Locke: I PREFER the term treasure hunting!
old man: Ha! Semantic nonsense!
Locke: There's a HUGE difference!
(Final Fantasy III)
"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind." -General William Westmoreland
"The mainstream's a stream because it's so shallow." -George Carlin
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -Dan Quayle
"Spare no expense to save money on this one." -Samuel Goldwyn
Rinoa: SeeD members dance quite well, don't they?
Squall: Approach your target inconspicuously at a dance party... There may be missions requiring this sort of subterfuge. It's expected of SeeD to learn various skills.
Rinoa: Ohhh... So it's work related. That's too bad...
Squall: ......
(Final Fantasy VIII)
"Our relationship is pretty good when we're not fighting." -girl on the Jerry Springer Show
"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame." -Dan Quayle ...again
"Ya know what bro? After how you talked out our situation, explained the problem in a caring, sensitive way all I have to say is: You make too much noise, and you should really just shut up." -Psiana (Katy Gianutsos)
Pinky: How will I know Moses when I see him, Brain?
Brain: You can't miss him, Pinky. He's a bearded man with a staff.
Pinky: A large staff or just a publicist and a girl Friday?
(Pinky and the Brain, animated series)
"Stupidity is like nuclear power; it can be used for good or evil. ...and you don't wanna get any on you." -comic, Dilbert
"Why do we even put warning labels on stuff? I say remove them all and let the problem solve itself." - DL (Do I know who DL is? ...No, not really.)
"All LAMERZ please leave your LAMENESS at the DOOR or you will be BOOTED WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE" -Nightshade5012
"I don't have low self-esteem. ...I just have low esteem for everybody else." -Daria
"I'd be polite, but being sarcastic is like Milk- Does a body good. Does THIS body good, and everyBODY hates me for it!" -Multex707
"I'm gonna kill ya till ya die!" -Micah R.
"When things don't work out, blow yourself up."-a "Heero-ish" quote from Ryoka
"Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful it happens in that order." -Solomon Short
"Death is only the beginning." -from The Mummy
"Death is a release, not a punishment." -Dragonheart
"You're not dead yet, deal with it." -Shadow009
ghost of Uncle Vladimir: Come, Bender. You'll like being dead!
Bender: That's what they said about being alive!
(Futurama)
"Ayla fight while alive! Win and live. Lose and die. Rule of life. No change rule." -Ayla, Chrono Trigger
"It's easy to be brave from a safe distance." -Aesop
"You will live a long time, long enough to open many, many fortune cookies." -fortune cookie
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." -James Dean
"I'll sleep when I'm dead." - Warren Zevon (1947-2003)
Watch your thoughts
they become words
Watch your words
they become actions
Watch your actions
they become habits
Watch your habits
they become your character
Watch your character
it becomes your destiny -a poster at school
"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice." -Thomas Edison
"I used to suffer from indecisiveness, now I'm not so sure" -funny shirt
"Why? Because in ten years it won't matter what clothes you wore, how your hair looked, or even the shoes you owned. What will matter is what you learned and how you used it." -another school poster (darn those smart school posters, being all... smart, and... in school, and... yeah.)
"The greatest thing in the world is not as much where we are, but in what direction we are moving." -Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Every new begining comes from some other begining's end." -Semisonic, "Closing Time"
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung." - Voltaire (1694-1778)
"When it is said that it was done to please a woman, there ought perhaps to be enough said to explain anything; for what a man will not do to please a woman is yet to be discovered." -Charles W. Chesnutt, The Passing of Grandison
"Show me a woman who isn't jealous of another woman and I'll show you a man." -Bill McNeal, NewsRadio
"Ask a question you don't want an answer to, and expect an answer you don't want to hear." -unknown
"Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?" -Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars
"Get in my belly!" -(well, you know who), Austin Powers 2
"Know why they called rap rap? Because if they called it crap no one would listen to it." -kid at Naaro's school
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die." -Mel Brooks
Heffer: Which is funnier: bananas, or cheese?
Rocko: Cheese, Hef. Definitely cheese.
(Nickelodeon cartoon series, Rocko's Modern Life)
superintendent: Is that a fire in your kitchen??
Principal Skinner: Uh... no! It's just the... aurora borealis!
superintendent: The aurora borealis.
at this time of day,
at this time of year,
in this part of the country,
completely localized within your kitchen!
Principal Skinner: ...Yes!
Superintendent: Can I see it?
Skinner: ...No.
(The Simpsons)
<SonicBlade> Why is it that Square main chars always have to be guys who are super-powerful and never talk, aren't nice, but yet always pick up the best chicks?
<TechnoProphet> Because Square's execs aren't nice, never talk, and have self-esteem problems.
(discussing RPGs in the FFAF)
<NeoKefka> Why do characters always admit their love for another character right before they die?
<Jerm> Because if they saved their breath, they would live.
(IRC #icybrian)
"You don't try to write a story, the story tries to be written." -WhiteYoster64
"Oh my God he wrote a book... Man, he never even read a book, man." -Ed, Ed T.V
"Aiming high in life is no guarantee you won't shoot yourself in the foot." -anonymous
"Few things in life are certain except for three, life, death, and the middle man." -Nightwing Chanlin
"There is a magic in forgivness, in that which is given, and far greater in that which is received." -The Wizard's Fourth Rule from Terry Goodkind's The Sword of Truth series
"Magic is neither black nor white. Good nor evil. It is both, because nature is both: loving and cruel, all at the same time." -from The Craft
"It seldom takes a hero to save a life, and even more seldom takes a wise man to say a wise thing. It does not take a general to lead an army, and even more so does not take an educator to teach. What one thing in life we must all be open to and will all hate for eternity is that when it comes to technology our children are and always will be all these things and more." -Nightwing Chanlin's "spur-of-the-moment because it sounded cool" speech :-P
"Life is lived for one reason, and that reason is to do the impossible, either suceeding, or dying knowing you did your best." -from Anne McCaffery's The Dragon Riders of Pern
"It's the end of the world as we know it... And I feel fine." -R.E.M, "It's The End Of The World As We Know It"
"...And would you please refrain from shooting my ass?" -from The Rage: Carrie 2
"When you go to your job everyday, and you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, don't do it because it's work, something you have to do. Do it because it's your passion, something you've always wanted to do, because it is, and you shouldn't be doing it if it isn't." -anonymous
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." -Drew Carey
"I am the one that will bring universal peace. And who're you?" -Mújaki No Haiwa Geishi
Brock: I didn't think Vikings existed anymore.
Ash: They mostly live in Minnesota.
(Pokémon: The First Movie)
"Some people's Cranium Hotels have too many vacancies." -Naaro to a friend
Doggirl: You FORGOT?? How could you possibly forget to eat!?
Whiteyoshi200: Two words: Final Fantasy.
"Why am I still playing Final Fantasy III, you ask? Point 1: I like the game. Point 2: I really like the game. Point 3: Refer to points 1 and 2." -Naaro to his little sister, who was at the time nagging him to play a different game with her
Naaro: Hey sis, think.
Naaro's sister: Ok. *thinks*
Naaro: *thwacks his sister in the head*
sister: Ow!
Naaro: Hurts, doesn't it?
(Naaro's revenge on aforementioned annoying sibling)
"Toilet seats were invented just so women wouldn't fall in." -Tim Allen
"We're giving you a second chance at life, so that you can screw it up in a totally new and original way." -Holly, Red Dwarf
"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently." -Henry Ford
"Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes." -Oscar Wilde
"To error is nature, to redeem error is glory." -George Washington
"Quit making me waste my infinite energy!!" -BrianStarr16's friend X-Z
"Aw nuts." -Zach, FX Fighters, before being blown up (the most profound "I'm going to die" line ever.)
"If all else fails, blow on the cartridge and try again." -NESpunk's technical support
"It burns! It burns!!" -me, taking prescription eyedrops
"Well of course America always enters wars near the end of them. How do you think the wars ENDED? If we didn't get in, they'd have drug on forever." -I think my dad would make a good politician...
"Americans couldn't be more self-absorbed if they were made up of equal parts of water and paper towel." -Dennis Miller
"America is full of steers and queers." -VelvetAntoni's (incidentally American) step-father. He "claims to be the latter, being a lesbian in a man's body." Interpret that for yourselves, folks.
"The closer we get to total pacifisim, the wimpier we become." -Ryoka
"Save Nevada, Test in Lybia." -bumper sticker
"I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I could hope it would be." -Peter, Office Space
"Why do they call it 'rush hour' if nobody moves?!" -Robin Williams
Sir: Two drunks walk into a bar--
Andrew: But sir, wouldn't two drunks be walking out of a bar?
(movie, Bicentennial Man)
*hic* "What? No, I'm not drunk... I'm just... alcholically impaired, that's all." *hic* -Doggirl, after eating some... er... drugged dog food (Darn you, NoaTravis) :-P
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on to it." -Jerry Lewis
"To alcohol! The cause of--and solution to--all of life's problems." -Homer Simpson's toast
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder." -unknown
"You don't need alcohol, you need... Okay, you need alcohol." -Flux
"Change is inevitable, except from vending machines." -unknown
"Life sucks no matter what, so don't be fooled by location changes." -Daria again
"Whatever Arkansas isn't worst in the nation for, Texas is." -Jerm
"He who injured you is either stronger or weaker. If he is weaker, spare him; if he is stronger, spare yourself." -Seneca
"...Really, good and evil dependes TOTALLY on point of veiw (pretty much...). I mean, Sephiroth was just being a good boy, helping his mom. Lavos was trying to live, and help promote his kind. Heck, even Kefka was... never mind, Kefka was crazy..." -Artemi, discussing villains on a message board
"Went into a church yesterday and blessed myself. Came out, I was charred and my hand was missing." -Multex
"The Internet is like a giant jellyfish. You can't step on it. You can't go around it. You've got to get through it." -John Evans
"Discovery consists [of] seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought." -Albert Szent-Gyorgi (good luck pronouncing that)
"Here's to me in my sober mood, when I ramble, sit and think. Here's to me in my drunken mood, when I gamble, sin and drink. When my flying days are over, and from this world I pass, I hope they bury me upside down so the world can kiss my ass." -Oscar Brand, "The Airman's Toast"
"It's a funny thing, being took under the wing of a dragon... it's warmer than you might think." -movie, Gangs of New York
"When love cast me out, it was cruelty that took pity on me." -Jacqueline Carey, from her book Kushiel's Dart
"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." -Henry David Thoreau
"Don't question authority, they don't know either." -t-shirt
"Nobody has ever listened himself out of a job." -President "Silent Cal" Coolidge
"Conversation in the United States is a competitive exercise in which the first person to draw a breath is declared the listener." -Nathan Miller
"If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear." -Mark Twain
"The opposite of talking isn't listening, the opposite of talking is waiting." -Fran Lebowitz
"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand." -Confucius
"If a man says something in the woods, and there are no women there, is he still wrong?" -feminist drink holder
"'Tis better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt." -Samuel Clemins
"Please do not compare my intellegence to yours. Mine is greater than yours. I hav ever mae a tyo.
What do you mean to scroll up? AAH! Arf." -Robo, Tech Yoshi's canine companion, after realizing that ego brings error
"If you think you're perfect, run a spell-check." -advice
"It's bad luck to be superstitious." -unknown
Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?
Pinky: I think so Brain, but if Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
(Pinky and the Brain, animated series)
Gary: I've never seen anything so pathetic!
Misty: Have you tried a mirror?
(Pokémon, animated series)
"I smile because I don't know what's going on!" -T-shirt
"Fighting hurts." -Golem, from the Monster Rancher animé series
Kuwabara: What happened to the fight we were just in?
Hiei: They're all dead.
Kuwabara: Oh.
(Yuu Yuu Hakusho)
*EmperorDread adds Moltov Cocktail into a list he calls "Strong and Spicey Drinks"* -Dread, fooling around at Sly's bar
"The past is a ghost that haunts you from the moment it exists until the moment you don't." -Magic: The Gathering trading card game
"Marriage always demands the finest arts of insincerity possible between two human beings." -Vick Baum, Austrian-born author (1888 - 1960)
theEtherealTiger: I decided that if I marry a woman with multiple personalities, I can cheat on my wife without cheating on her, thus making her the other woman in her own relationship and making the first two-persosn love triangle.
[AIM]
"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me." -Dave Barry
"Well, there's a dead body, it's a party, and we have no dog to blame it on." -Multex707
"When it's all said and done... no one ever gives a crap!" -Me'EiSha
"We can't get our minds out of the gutter... they live there." -DK (NOT Donkey Kong)
"I would think that if you understood what Communism was, you would hope, you would pray on your knees, that we would someday become communists." -Jane Fonda
"Communism only works in a perfect world. Guess where we aren't." -Shadow009
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." -J. F. Kennedy
"Yes, things still suck. But in my opinion, that's how revenge works." -Intrasonic
"All the world loves a lover." -Shakespeare
"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." -Alfred, Lord Tennyson
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind--or not to have a mind. How true that is." -Dan Quayle
Doggirlm: I'm not sure what's the opposite of Canadian. ...Mexican?
UkeKitsune: Chinese
Doggirlm: Hehe, sure, why not.
UkeKitsune: Well, if you think about it..
UkeKitsune: The Chinese make some of the world's most popular food. The canadians don't even have their own food
UkeKitsune: Canada has the world's longest undefended border. China put up a big ass wall along its border
Doggirlm: ...Bacon?
UkeKitsune: Canadian Bacon is an american term, lol
Doggirlm: Uh... I knew that! -_-'
[AIM]
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -Joe Weinstien
"I don't mean to sound like the materialistic weasel of the group, but are we getting payment for this?" -movie, Armageddon
"I'm a great beliver in luck and find the harder I work the more I have of it" -Thomas Jefferson
"Formula for success: Rise early, work hard, strike oil." -J. Paul Getty
"Remember the Golden Rule--He who has the gold makes the rules!" -Lyndon Forman
"Success is just a matter of attitude." -Darcy E. Gibbons
"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." -Ralph Waldo Emmerson
"You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor." -unknown
"The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph." -Thomas Paine
"I don't really need your help; I just want to say that I'm going to win the million dollars." -John Carpenter, using his "phone a friend" lifeline on Who Wants to be a Millionaire (he won, btw.)
"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I bet I'd be darling at it." -Dorthy Parker
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." -Fran Lebowitz
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." -Dick Cavett
"I had a boring office job. I cleaned the windows on the envelopes." -Rita Rudner
"A tourist is a person who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car." -Emile Ganest
"Rowe's Rule: odds are 5 to 6 that the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train." -Paul Dickson
"When two trains approach each other at a crossing, they shall both come to a full stop and neither shall start up until the other has gone." -a law in Kansas
"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The one who invented the other 3 was a genius." -Sid Caesar
"Whether you think you can, or you can't, you're usually right." -Henry Ford
"When you think the world's turned its back on you, look again. Chances are, you're right and you now have one less thing on your mind." -Ryoka, trying to confuse her step-sister
"Well, I'm usualy confused, but I say something stupid and hey, it works." -Multex707
"Of course I'm right. Whenever I don't make sense, I know there's got to be some truth in it. ...I mean, whenever I know what I'm saying, I....Well, I something when I know what I'm saying." -Crono, from Jerm's "Chrono Trigger Dimensions"
Peter: Don't worry, I can handle this. I read a book about this sort of thing, once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't... NOTHING?
Peter: Oh yeah.
(Family Guy)
"I'm a bisexual cause 'bi' means 'two' and 'sexual' means 'sexy.' I'm too sexy." -Elzar (DreadMaster's... er, friend)
"That's good...you deserve a cookie....wait, no you don't, I retract that." -Multex707
"... My sex drive is C. That's where I keep my porn." -Human
"Much like life, mazes have a start, a finish, and parts in the middle that suck." -GameSpy.com's weekly newsletter
"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from." -T. S. Eliot, "Four Quartets"
"Now ordinary people are born forwards in Time, if you understand what I mean, and nearly everything in the world goes forward too. This makes it quite easy for the ordinary people to live...
...But I unfortunately was born at the wrong end of time, and I have to live backwards from in front, while surrounded by a lot of people living forwards from behind. Some people call it having second sight." -Merlyn the magician, T. H. White's The Once and Future King
"It makes the kind of sense that, well, doesn't." -Trent Ulrich, fanfiction reviewer
"If history is to change, let it change! If the world is to be destroyed, so be it! If my fate is to be destroyed... I must simply laugh!" -the prophet, Chrono Trigger
"You give the Rock a glass of milk? You know what the Rock's gonna do with this glass of milk? The Rock's gonna turn this glass sideways. And you know what else he's gonna do?" *Drinks milk* -the Rock
"It's like WWF! Only with more legs." -me, watching a spider try to catch a cricket
"Heinz Ketchup was Est'd in 1869... No one really knows what "Est'd" means...but Heinz sure is proud of it... Heinz Ketchup: Est'd in 1869" -commercial
"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri." -Douglas Adams
"Any color, so long as it's black." -Henry Ford, commenting on the choice of color for the Model T
"Ben Kenobi???" -Ryoka, when she went to see Pokémon: the First Movie and read the nametag of the guy behind the food counter.
"But I can't become a missionary! I don't even believe in Jeebus!
*minutes later*
"...Save me Jeebus!!" -Homer, The Simpsons
"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!" -Homer Simpson
"Give to Charity!" -Charity
"He that is good at making excuses is seldom good at anything else." -Benjamin Franklin
"...It's all about survival of the fittest! That's where the best and the brightest--that's me--wipe the floor with the meek and the weak--that's you. So if I blast ya to kingdom come and absorb your data like I'm plannin' on doin', don't take it personal; it's just nature takin' its course." -Impmon, Digimon: season three
"This is the sort of plot Nintendo has been doing for years, following the basic format: [Villain] steals [artifact] to conquer [kingdom]. [Hero] must collect [another artifact], scattered in [number from 3 to 10] pieces throughout [kingdom]. As an afterthought, [Princess] is a captive of [villain]." -Ashgad, reviewing Paper Mario
"This movie is written like a romantic drama, except with someone being hit in the head or face once every five to ten minutes. Where I come from, that's not called comedy. It's called suck. And that's what I've surmised about this movie: It's full of suck." -Noel Wood, reviewing Just Married - Movie Criticism for the Retarded
"The main difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense." -Tom Clancy
Homer: Okay, to find Flanders, we must think like Flanders!
Homer's Brain: I'm a big, four-eyed lamo-o and I wear the same stupid sweater everyday and...
Homer: The Springfield River!
(The Simpsons)
"You can lead an ass to knowledge but you cannot make him think." -(unknown)
"I'd say there's three kinds of people in this world: people who make things happen, people who watch things happen, and people who wonder what happened." -The X Files
"If it's broke, don't fix it." -Al Bundy, Married with Children
"Spiders like being dead." -my dad... again
"You know, they say guns don't kill people, people do. But I think the gun helps." -Eddie Izzard
Bart: I know! We can burn down the house! That'll get them out!
Marge: No, no fires. We're not burning down our own house.
Lisa: Well, if we did start a fire...
Marge: No fires!
Bart: Well what if we-
Marge: No fires!
Homer: *opens his mouth*
Marge: NO FIRES!
*long pause*
Homer: Hey, I've got it! Fire! *glare from Marge* --Or...
(The Simpsons)
"This is the scene where you swear your undying hatred for me!" -Seifer, Final Fantasy VIII
"Am I already hated by everyone here? No, please, put the torches down; I already have lamps." -Multex707
"Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts." -Charles Dickens
"Life is cheap. Battlemechs are expensive." -Mechwarrior 2: Mercenaries
"It's amazing the things people would rather have than money." -Garfield the cat
"Friends are treasures." -Horace Bruns
"A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body." -unknown
Amanda: Some people are really nice until they become your friends.
Jackie: Hey, you're only really good friends when you start calling each other idiots.
(We don't get it either)
"He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god." -Aristotle, Politics
"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live." -Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours." -Swedish proverb
Gonzo: Stop the presses!!
Boss: What is it?
Gonzo: Nothing, I just always wanted to say that.
(movie, The Great Muppet Caper)
"We are the people our parents warned us about." -Jimmy Buffett
"What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands." -men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY (any more need not be said.)
"I'm your husband! You're supposed to support me no matter what's in my pants!" -Raymond, Everybody Loves Raymond
"The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep." -Alan Patrick Herbert
prisoner #1: What'er you in for?
prisoner #2: Killing my mother. She needed it, though.
(anonymous)
"Gee it doesn't seem right to kill someone I don't know. But does that mean it's right to kill someone I do know? That doesn't seem right either..." -Angel Trainee Flonne, Disgea: Hour of Darkness
Yusuke: Sounds like mankind's in danger... But on the other hand, I won't be able to do anything relaxing on this three-day weekend that's coming up.
Boton: Mankind or vacation?!
Yusuke: Well they've got the same importance to me, okay?
(Yuu Yuu Hakusho)
"I've developed a new philosophy... I only dread one day at a time." -Charlie Brown
"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them." -Joseph Heller
"The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." -Albert Einstein
"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." -Jonathan Kozol
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music." -Groucho Marx
"A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?" -Don Marquis
"An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less, until eventually he knows everything about nothing." -anonymous
"Honesty is the best image." -Tom Wilson
"I'm honest to myself that / the truth is I lied." -Lillix, "It's About Time"
"Far Side Lite: Not funny, but better for you." -Gary Larson
"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive." -Bugs Bunny
"He who laughs last doesn't get the joke." -George Carlin
"Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was 'Oh no, not again.'" -Douglas Adams
"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missles and misguided men." -Martin Luther King Jr.
"The truth is that life is hard and dangerous; that he who seeks his own happiness does not find it; that he who is weak must suffer; that he who demands love, will be disappointed; that he who is greedy, will not be fed; that he who seeks peace, will find strife; that truth is only for the brave; that joy is only for him who does not fear to be alone; that life is only for the one who is not afraid to die." -Joyce Carey
patient: So do I take these [pills] on a full stomach or an empty stomach?
Dr. Becker: It doesn't matter; they're suppositories.
patient: So how do I take 'em?
Dr. Becker: Remember what I told you to do with those magazine subscriptions you tried to sell me?
patient: ...That ain't right.
(television series, Becker)
"Who are you going to believe? Me, your friend, or cold unfeeling technology?" -Penny Arcade
"You can forget the past, but the past sure as hell ain't gonna forget about you." -Paul Thomas Anderson
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -Albert Einstein
Adversity: anything that does not kill you postpones the inevitable
-Despair, Inc.
"All a diamond is, is a lump of a coal that did well under pressure." -Carolinan high school football coach
"Every exit is an entrance somewhere else." -Tom Stoppard
<werefox> everyone spells my name Sean or Shaun >_<
<werefox> ITs SHAWN damnit
<werefox> all other spellings are rip offs
<werefox> in High School they called me Spawn :3
<Chaz-> I always got called things like "Shut up" and "Stop interupting class"
[#furry]
"Only dead fish go with the flow." -unknown
"If it's too loud, you're too old." -T-shirt
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." -W.C. Fields
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'." -George W. Bush (com'on, Bush, you could at least try. I mean, doesn't the White House hire people to prevent the president from sounding like a dumbass?)
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." -Douglas Adams
"A baby is God's opinion that life should go on." -Carl Sandburg
"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you." -Lao-Tzu
"bass akwards" -my English teacher
<Iris Amerqin> The problem [with] being [like her is] that she's fat and ugly, and I'm decent looking and underweight.
<Seifersythe> But I thought you were a gamer.
<Lina Darkstar> She's a girl gamer. We're all attractive.
<Seifersythe> Damnit...That's right. This proves it. God's a smartass.
(IcyBrian's Web Forum)
"...A pity he wouldn't be here to witness your death. Which, reminds me, is about to begin! Any last words?"
"I hate you."
(T H E I N D W E L L I N G - Stage II)
"If you love someone, just say it; otherwise, the moment just passes you by." -unknown
"Jesus saves. Everyone else takes 5d20 points of damage." -Cheese Ninja
"Tetris is the only good thing to come out of the Soviet Union." -anonymous
"Reality continues to ruin your life." -Walking is Still Honest
"I am like the shadow of two suns..." -TPC
"I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls. My skin is black upon me, and my bones are burned with heat. My harp also turned to mourning, and my organ into the voice of them that weep." -Job 30: 29-31 (Thanks, Ryoka!)
(A Prayer for the Stressed):
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays
And help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!
Amen.
teacher: Do you know any cursive?
Bart: Well, I know hell, damn, bi--"
teacher: --cursive handwritting.
(The Simpsons)
"Man, bullshit sounds the same in every language." -Penn & Teller: BullShit!
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." -Rich Cook
Falco: Then who are those guys?
Papetoon townsman: Don't you recognize yourselves? Our greatest sculptor is making a monument to your bravery!
Falco: So why do I look like a chicken?
Fox: The sculptor just used artistic licence?
Falco: It's expired!
(Nintendo Power StarFox comic, 1993)
"Forgive me, Vixy. I was young, in love, and had a spare bomb!" -Andross (Nintendo Power StarFox comic, 1993)
"Those stories about my intellectual capacity do get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence briefing.'" -President George W. Bush
The third reason why consumers don't read manuals is that many consumers are men, and we men would no more read a manual than we would ask directions, because this would be an admission that the person who wrote the manual has a bigger... OK, a bigger grasp of technology than we do. We men would rather hook up our new DVD player in such a way that it ignites the DVDs and shoots them across the room--like small flaming UFOs--than admit that the manual-writer possesses a more manly technological manhood than we do.
-Dave Barry, "Owners' manual Step No. 1: Bang head against the wall"
"Most men can remember a time in their lives when they were not so different from girls, and they also remember when that time ended." -Susan Griffin
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." -Britney Spears
"You have to learn to smile at the customer's face while you stab him in the back." -unknown mechanic
"I wonder why men can get serious at all. They have this delicate long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will...If I were a man, I would always be laughing at myself..." -Yoko Ono
"It's not so important what happened. It's what people think happened." -unknown
"I detest what you say; I will defend to the death your right to say it." -Voltaire
"Never doubt that a small group of people can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something." -Robert Heinlein, science fiction writer
"We should start a neighborhood watch."
"Well, that’s what happened. You were robbed and the neighborhood watched."
-Roseanne television sitcom
"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
"When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."
-Sir Winston Churchill
"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker
"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained." -Marie Curie
"Today's youth are like wads of Playdoh engineered to be even more malleable, so it doesn't take much effort to shape them into stunning monuments of stupidity." -somethingawful.com
"Greed sometimes can masquerade as good judgment." -Nicholas Perth, Glimmer by Nightsong
"As long as you don't get your hopes up, you can take anything... You feel less pain." -Squall Leonheart, Final Fantasy VIII
"A tactical genius can win even when heavily outnumbered. A strategic genius will never be outnumbered." -Scott Schwartz (paraphrased)
"Technology without morality is barbarous; morality without technology is impotent." -Freeman J. Dyson
"Nobody likes anybody less than the Irish. As proven when the Scots cut Ireland off from the rest of Britain and shoved it out to sea.
This happened after the Scots and the English collaborated for the only time in history and chopped Britain off from the rest of Europe, in a desperate effort to keep the fucking French as far away as possible." -unknown
"I swear to Drunk I'm not God." -unknown
"You have no idea what it is like to spend ALL day on the internet promoting your site; it is like, well it is like that time you spent ALL day on the internet. It is gross, and afterwards you feel kind of sticky, and want to go outside but don't remember what it is like or what they do there." -Dale Beran
"Free Cell is such a useless game to kick ass at, but so fun." -catiechu
Black Mage: You ever get the feeling that the universe is a vast, impersonal emptiness that exists only to hurt you?
Red Mage: Yes. It's how we know the DM is doing his job.
8-Bit Theater
"The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured.' That kind of thing." -Johnny Depp
"You can follow the action, which gets you good pictures. You can follow your instincts, which'll probably get you in trouble. Or, you can follow the money, which nine times out of ten will get you closer to the truth." -Jack Nicholson as Jake Gittes in the movie The Two Jakes
"Not being able to fortify justice, they justified force." - Blaise Pascal
"Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion--several of them." -Mark Twain
"Did you ever dream you were someone else, but still the same as you are now? There is no reality in dreaming, but, there is no reality without it. There will always be that certain something, stopping us from waking from the deepest sleep. Emotions we cannot get away with, we all can achieve in our most secret dreams. They say that those who dwell in dreams lose reality, but, without dreams, where is the reality to strive for...?" -Yume Senshi Epilogue
<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS
-QDB
"So you think I'm a loser? Just because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean 'loser' to you, but let me tell you something: Every morning when I wake up, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep again. So I get up, have my watered down Tang and still-frozen Pop Tart, get in my car with no upholstery, no gas and six more payments to fight traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes on the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I thought I would, I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman, and I'll never again know the joy of driving without a bag on my head. But I'm not a loser. 'Cause despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what he wanted to be are still out there, being what we don't wanna be, forty hours a week-for life. And the fact that I haven't put a gun to my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner!"
-Al Bundy, Married with Children
"The internet has three purposes: Porn, flash toons, and that information finding thing." ~J. Random Sara
"Ah, end of exams - the feeling that I've always likened to taking a piss after a very, very long time." -evilprodigy
Have you ever seen this show? It's on your "MTV2." I don't really get offended, you should see some of the videos I have on my desktop for ready access, but if I was the sort of person who got offended for show and tried to get famous for it Wonder Showzen would be the tool I'd use to finally dismantle that pesky First Amendment. If Charles Schumer or some other professional scold were to bring this program to wider public attention, it wouldn't be like the Videogame Controversy, where they get up and yell, and then someone reminds them we live in The United States Of America, and everybody sits down with their hands neatly folded until the sequel. No. If the populace at large saw Wonder Showzen, there would be no public hearings, no televised debate, and certainly no warning. You would just wake up one morning and your television would be gone.
-Tycho, Penny Arcade
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." -Confucius
Yoster: There's a hole in my donut
Doggirl: Oh man, has your donut hole been missing for more than twelve hours? You can call the cops to look for it.
Yoster: If anyone can crack a donut case
Yoster: It's a cop
Groundskeeper Willie: Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life!
-The Simpsons
Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
-The Simpsons
"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O, Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it." -Voltaire
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon."
-Chris Rock
Well, that's all I have for now! Many thanks to my family, friends, and online buddies for providing me with many of these quotes. Thanks a lot, guys! :-)
"No more quotes, I say." -Josh