Theories
Ok Walter and i were having a discussion one day and his pure genius inspired me to write this page. I occasionally have a complete thought go through my head and they are usually theories. I will try to share these with you in the most coherent fashon I can, but be forewarned I HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A GNAT and often get sidetracked. So bare with me, and you shall learn the wisdom of the Goddess Isis.
UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS SQUIRRELS (AND THE EVILS THEY CAUSE)
'Squirrels cause evil, how is that?' You may ask. Well if you ask that you have obviously never been to UT or seen the resident squirrels. They are the embodiment of pure evil or the model all anime characters are based on. I can't decide which...
I will explain the anime connection first. As most people know (well the edumakated people) anime charatcers are quite intresting. Especailly the heros, and it is these heros that are based on the squirrels. How so? Well hold on a sec i will tell you but my fingers dont go that fast! ok, here we go.
1.) all anime characters have big cute eyes -> all squirrels have big cute eyes. Except for the extra evil albino squirrel that has beady red eyes.
2.) like all anime characters squirrels can jump 50 ft in the air from a stand still. I once witnessed this while leaving class. A baby squirrel was sitting on the sidewalk and all of tha sudden it LEAPS up, and lands half way up a tree!
3.) squirrels yell their attacks (in squirrel language -> " kame hame acorn attack!") as they leap from the trees to bite your face off.
The Goddess Shanna and I have also discovered that the squirrels and pigeons have gotten together and created love children called Squigeons. These creatures are the sworn enemies of all UT students. They are skeevy creatures that ambush students and use mind control tapes to create Squigeon drones that live only to serve their masters. The only way to stop their evil mind control tapes is to push your third-eye eject button. If you dont know what that is you need to watch more talk shows with psychics.
Squirrel attacks are on the rise at UT also. I was a victim of one of these malicious attacks. One sunny happy day i was innocently sitting on the grass near a pond on the UT campus. As usual i had my bag 'o' peanuts to feed the happy squirrels (cause i love fuzzy things, except guys. Fuzzy guys make me gag), so anyway i was feeding the squirrels and i ran out of nuts! :O oh no! what shall i do?! well luckily i had my Yoda PEZ dispenser in my book bag. i thought to my self...I like PEZ therefore...SQUIRREL LIKE PEZ! so i began to feed the surrounding squirrels my PEZ (i think it was strawberry flavored...) WHEN all of tha sudden the squirrels began to freak out and began to climb up my jeans! (the outside of course, i hear you thinking that you perv) needless to say i sacrificed poor Yoda to the merciless squirrels and barely escaped with my life. (my escape tactics included running with much arm waving and screaming so as to alert my fellow students to the horror i was suffering. i dont think many cared...)
HOW TO FIX ALL YOUR PROBLEMS IN LIFE
at one time or another we have all had problems, some more so than others. i on the other hand have no problems! this is all because i have learned the beauty of SCAPE GOATS, not to be confused with Acid Goat (dont ask why he is called this, he doesnt even know) cause he will kick your ass if you try to blame him. after many years of research, meditation, and many many hours of latenight tv; i have discovered the real problem causers in all of our lives. UNDERWEAR GNOMES! yes underwear gnomes, closely related to the anal-retention faeries, are the cause all the real problems in life. everything from when you cant remember where you left your car keys, or the fact that you cant get a date, to the fact that we cant have world peace. these wee beasties sneak around invisible to the naked eye, in the rancid depths of your underwear. ( :\ nasty i know, but they say its ok if you dont breathe through your nose) So next time you ask "Why am i so depressed?" or "Why does my armpit odor make women not tell me i am sexy? " or "where is that bag of weed i hid in a fit of paranoia?" or "why is the middle east and america always threatening each other?" just remember....Underwear Gnomes.
WHY TEENY BOPPER MOVIES ARE BRINGING THE END OF THE WORLD (by the Goddess's sister)
One day i was talking to my sister goddessisis, and she said she was watching mannequin 2. why i dont know, i think it was either because of the squidgeons or the underwear gnomes or the fact that she is really lazy. MOvies like mannequin 2 makes me wanna line up producers and slap them all, and them scream at them "Why? WHo told you this was a good idea?" You know they make these movies these days full of violence and aliens and stuff (ID4, SCREAM 1,2,& 3, the faculty - where aliens suddenly appear for no real reason and start killing people for no reason. isnt that brilliant?!) with no real plot, and if there is a plot its the basic scenario: there is a girl (usually some teen idol like leonardo decaprio) and a guy (usuallly some teen idol like leonardo decaprio, who by the way can swallow a goat whole) who will survive all these really bad goings on for no real reason, cause you know as you are sitting in the audience it wasnt their intelligence that pulled them through. The reason they survive is the Villian (played by not a teen idol cause that would be bad, its usually leonardo decaprio) stands about and preaches why he is doing all this bad "stuff," (its usually because he never got that pony when he was little) whilst waving his weapon or tenticle (depends on the movie), then some character you thought was dead rises up in some herculean attempt to right all wrongs (usually played by leonardo decaprio) and finds a discarded weapon and blasts the evil villan thus ending his reign of terror. This formula is so mind-numbling evil that i am sure that it and it alone will cause the downfall of humanity and the end of civilzation as we know it. damn now i am all depressed again, i think i will go eat some PEZ.
LIMP BIZKIT IS LIKE HEROINE
limp bizkit is like heroine in these ways. you start with one song...say Break Stuff. and you like the song and think "hey this might be ok" so you listen. then next thing you know you are buying their cds and their t-shirts. next thing you know you are going to their concerts and pawning off your valuables, like your car your tv and even your first born child! you become a junky following the tourbuses, eating out of their dumpsters. doing anything for a fix. it is sad to see these people in their tattered concert shirts waving their fan club membership cards. thus limp is like heroine.
CERTAIN ANIMES THAT STEAL YOUR SOUL
anime is a wonderful thing. but some people abuse it. and create horrilbe creatures like Marmalade Boy, Flint: Time Detective, Digimon, and the most evil of them all POKEMON. these are the pariahs of the anime community. their evilness is unimaginable. Marmalade Boy is the worst of them all in plot area. it is like an animated full house with a bit of mate swapping and incest thrown in for fun. its just horrible. it makes you want to peel your skin off and roll about in salt to make sure you are still alive. Pokemon is not only bad in plot but its animation is nauseating. pikachu is not bad by himself, he reminds me of mokone from Rayearth, but if he talks it makes me want to be violent. these animes if watched to much make you lose your soul. for obvious reasons (they are the epitome of pure evil animation,so obviously they have to take your soul.)
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Email: goddessisis@hotmail.com