The Sacrificial Chicken

By: Robyn

"Okay, Billy, did you bring it?"

"Yes, sir."

"You can call me Buck, Billy. And that there is JD."

JD looked up from where he was attempting to light a fire and waved.

"Okay, si- Buck."

JD gave up trying to light the fire the old-fashioned way, and picked up a can of lighter fluid he'd brought along. Pausing in his dousing of the wood, he looked at Buck. "Are you sure Chris is occupied enough to stay put?"

Buck nodded. "Hell, yeah. I told him that if he could solve that puzzle box I'd turn in my reports on time for a year."

JD raised an eyebrow. "And you're not worried?"

Buck laughed. "Are you kidding? I've had that thing for four years, and I haven't solved it yet."

"And Mary is in the same room?"

"Yep. And the others are gonna keep her there as long as possible."

JD nodded. "Buck?"

"Yup?"

"Are you sure it's all right for Billy to be here? I don't think he should be seeing stuff like this."

"Aw, hell, JD, he's seven now. That's old enough!" Buck thought about this for a second, then sighed. "Billy, stand back a safe distance, hear?"

Billy nodded and took two steps back.

JD shrugged, lit a match, and threw it onto the dismal-looking pile of wood that stood in front of him. It caught fire with a whooomph!

"Okay. You bring everything?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Gimme the book."

JD pulled a book out of the sack he was carrying, and handed it to Buck.

"Right," said Buck. "Let's hope this works."

He turned to page 47, and squinted. "Okay… first… did you bring the blood of a freshly slaughtered cow?"

JD hesitated. "Uhhhh… not exactly."

Buck looked up sharply. "What do you mean, not exactly?"

JD flushed. "Well, I got kind of caught up with Casey, and by the time I got away, all the butchers had closed up for the night."

"So what did you get?"

"Well, an ex-roommate of mine works on a film set, and, um, well…" JD held up a small jar. "Stage blood."

Buck stiffened, counted to ten. "All right. Throw it on the fire."

The flames fizzled for a second, then returned to their former - for want of a better word, glory.

"Right." Buck looked at the book again, then glanced up at JD. "Did you bring the sacrificial chicken?"

JD nodded firmly, pulled something out of his sack, handed it to Buck.

There was a pause. Then:

"JD?"

"Yes, Buck?"

"This is your sacrificial chicken?"

"Yes, Buck."

"Didn't I mention that it had to be alive?"

"Yes, Buck."

Buck took a deep breath.

"JD."

"Yes, Buck."

"JD, son, this is my rubber chicken."

JD flushed. "Um. Yes, Buck. See, all the stores were shut. And I thought I'd just swing by the office…"

"JD, the book calls for a live chicken. You know, as opposed to a rubber one?"

"Yes, Buck, but, see, I don't see how the spell will know the difference. 'Sides, maybe it'll work better if it's something you care about?"

"JD, you can't make me throw my rubber chicken on the fire."

"I can. Go on, Buck, I'll buy you a new one."

"No, JD. I love my chicken. I need my chicken. I'll die of stress without my chicken!"

"Don't you want Chris to be happy, Buck?"

Buck hung his head in defeat. "Okay. Just let me give it one last go…"

JD nodded. Buck mournfully shook the chicken at his roommate, then threw it on the fire.

The two men hurriedly stepped back to where Billy was standing as the smell of burning rubber assaulted their nostrils.

"What's next, Buck?"

All the other bits and pieces had been exactly what they were supposed to be, except that the lizard lips were one size too small, and made of chocolate.

Buck turned to Billy. "Hey, kid, hand over the hair."

Billy obediently handed Buck a lock of his mother's hair.

"How'd you get this?" Buck asked curiously.

"I just told her that I saw in a movie that knights used to keep a lock of hair with them that belonged to the woman they loved the most, and that I wanted to be a knight."

"Is that true?"

Billy shrugged. "I don't know. But she smiled and bought me an ice cream."

Buck grinned broadly as he tossed the hair onto the fire.

"JD?"

JD threw a lock of Chris's hair onto the fire. Responding to Buck's raised eyebrow, he said: "I told him we needed it for a prank. He humoured me."

Buck shrugged. "Right, now we say what we want them to say. JD, you be Mary. I'll be Chris. Hear that?!" he added, talking to the fire. "I'm Chris, he's Mary!"

The fire flared slightly.

"Mary, darlin'," Buck began. "I've been thinking about this a long time, and I want you to marry me."

JD swallowed, and said, in a high-pitched voice, "I thought you'd never ask!"

Buck looked at the fire again. "And then they kiss," he finished.

They waited a few seconds. Suddenly the fire fizzled and went out.

Buck frowned. "Was that supposed to happen?"

"I don't know… We'd better go back and see if it worked."

"What with all them wrong ingredients," grumbled Buck, as he, JD and Billy began the long walk back to Chris's house.

"Yes!" Chris punched the air in delight.

Mary stopped attempting to get past a slightly desperate Ezra, who was blocking the doorway and completely refusing to move, and turned to Chris. "What?"

Chris grinned. "I solved that puzzle box Buck gave me. A whole year without having to badger him to turn in his reports!"

Nathan smiled. "I told him you could do it."

Chris shrugged modestly. "What can I say, I'm a genius. A thirsty genius. Who wants coffee?"

"I'll make it!" Josiah jumped up hurriedly and rushed to the kitchen.

Chris watched him go with a frown, then shook his head slightly. Then blinked. "I'm feeling a bit... odd," he said.

"Really?" Mary looked at him with some concern. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine..." Chris got up and stalked over to where Mary was standing.

"We're home, folks!" Buck announced.

"Hi, Ma!" Billy yelled, giving his mother a hug.

"Hi, honey. Are you sure you're okay, Chris?"

JD froze, watching his leader breathlessly.

"Mary," said Chris eventually, then paused.

Vin and Buck exchanged glances, as did Nathan and Ezra.

"Yes?" said Mary eventually, when nothing more was forthcoming.

Chris hesitated. "Wanna go to a movie sometime?"

Mary smiled. "I thought you'd never ask!"

Chris nodded, smiled, leaned against the door.

Buck gaped. "That's it?"

The others looked at him.

"That's it?! I sacrificed my rubber chicken for that?!"

"Buck, calm down," said JD.

Buck turned on him. "You! You! You made me sacrifice my rubber chicken! For that!! Come here so I can kill you!"

JD took a step back, looking slightly fearful, then turned and ran. Buck took off after him, yelling oaths and threats.

Mary looked at Chris. "What was that all about?"

Chris inclined his head. "I have absolutely no idea. Just Buck being Buck, I suppose."

Mary nodded thoughtfully, then smiled as Chris surreptitiously put his arm around her.

The five other agents - and one small boy - that remained in the room noticed, and smiled to themselves. With no small degree of smugness. So there.

The End

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