Hi! You might know me. I'm Autolycus, the plastic action figure. As Margui's constant plastic companion, I get the opportunity to go to all her fancy shindigs.
Today, she asked me if I wanted to come to a book signing. When I heard it was about some guy that did an Autobiography, well needless to say, my interest was piqued.
Sliding me into her side pant's pocket, we had to travel about 90 miles away to Austin, TX. We arrived at Book People around 2:15 p.m.
This building seemed almost as big as the Parthenon. Of course, to a six inch action figure, what building wouldn't? It stood 3 stories tall.
A marquee on the outside wall read: Book People Presents Bruce Campbell, 7pm, If Chins Could Kill.
As Margui walked in, she uttered the magic words for the day, "If Chins Could Kill". Heck, it was a lot better than that nominally successful Ali Baba's "open seseme". She was immediately shown to a display of books immediately behind her. I mean, how could my Marguimarz miss it. The chin on the cover was enormous, and there were hundreds of them on display.
Anyway, after babbling in her usual manner, the staff informed her that tickets for the book signing would be handed out at 6 p.m. and it was suggested she arrive early. Margui bought her book and then had plenty of time to kill.
After visiting some local color, including a shameless bottle sucker in the park, she decided that the bookstore might actually be the best place to hang out. Forecast to reach a scorching 95 degrees, I can tell you, this plastic action figure was almost melting in the heat.
Inside the air conditioned store, Margui listened to the hustle and bustle of Bruce Campbell's arrival.
"Are you coming to the reading tonight?" one employee asked a book patron. The patron shook his head unaware of all the hullabaloo.
"Have you ever seen Evil Dead?" the employee asked then he gripped his left hand with his right. He held it up in the air in some contorted and arthritic pose. I wasn't sure if he was doing an impression of John Carradine or if it was some kind of secret hand shake, but the patron had no idea how to respond. Then the book store employee tried to impress the patron with his knowledge of Bruce Campbell movies.
"I don't know what else he did..." the book person babbled on.
My Marguimarz, being a self proclaimed BC connoisseur just had to step in. Literally! Stepping in between the patron and the salesman, she added, "he's been in more movies that you'd think." She would have started naming them, but didn't want to appear too boastful.
The salesman went on to explain that they expected up to 1000 people at the book signing and since the premiere of Fanalysis was sold out, the folks at the Alamo Draft House were sending them there.
With still more time to kill, Margui decided to sit down and wait it out. She chose the perfect spot, settling in a wing back chair in the "True Crime" section of the book store. While she waited, she absorbed the scenes around her.
One old geezer came by. Clearly he was an "Evil Dead" fan. His tee-shirt was a "dead" giveaway. What was worse was he ritualistically made his pre teen daughter dress in similar attire.
Bored with the color downstairs, she heard that more colorful fans were gathering on the second floor. So up we went.
Gathering with other fans, she began to strike up a conversation with two already in line. I taught my Margui well, she butted into the line like a pro and even conned the second man out of his spot.
Now, second in line, she spent the next 3 hours with two fans; Erin and Chris. Erin, a tall, blonde beauty noticed me almost immediately. She cooed and pointed and said she had one just like me at home. Humm...twin Autolycaii, who woulda thunk.
Soon, we all spotted an Enigma. Really! That was his name. It was rather puzzling too, seeing that he had his whole body covered with tattoos shaped suspiciously like a jigsaw puzzle. Rumor had it that the horms on his forehead were actually sugically implanted bolts. From what I saw, I'd say he had a screw loose instead.
At 7:00 p.m., Bruce came out. He sported his usual black framed glasses and Hawaiian shirt. He was a handsome man, if I do say so myself.
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A ten minute question and answer session followed. The audience asked questions about his current projects like "Bubba Ho-Tep" and "Spiderman". They asked about "Evil Dead" and "Army of Darkness". When asked which ending to AOD Bruce preferred, he said the one the producers didn't mess with. Um...that would have been the post apocalyptic version, if you didn't know.
One man asked what his favorite series was. He answered, "Brisco County Jr." and added that it was exhausting work.
He couldn't help but grumble about the inconsistant play times that "Jack of All Trades" had to suffer through.
There were, of course, the inevitable questions about our favorite Warrior Princess, Xena. One man asked BC if he "enjoyed doing Xena." The audience laughed as Bruce repeated the question, adding his own special double entendre to it.
All too soon, it was time for the book signing. Margui was quick on the draw and drew number 18. The Book People were calling 25 at a time, so she got to go up with the first group.
Margui got out her belated birthday card and placed it in the front of the book for Bruce to see. As her book came up, Bruce took the card and shook it. I don't know what he was expecting to be in it, but satisfied its contents were safe he laid it aside.
"Margui?" he asked tentitively to Margui's squealed delight.
"You got my name right!" she exclaimed as BC backed up in response to her enthusiam. Trust me when I say she gets excited about some of the silliest things.
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Quickly gaining his composure, Bruce commented on the unusual spelling and then said, "Fascinating name for a fascinating person." Boy does this guy know how to suck up? Why Margui was practically gushing as she left the table.
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He shook her hand before she left. I'm sure he would have shaken mine too, seeing that I am the King of Thieves, but Margui insisted that I bring my grappling hook, which I held precariously in my right hand.
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Gathering her camera from a new found friend who promised to snap her picture with the self proclaimed "B" movie actor, we were ready to go home; our trip too quickly over.
I had a blast that evening, and I'm sure Margui would say the same, but now I'll be returning to my special spot on the monitor, soon to be forgotten until that "someone who will remain nameless" needs me to write another one of these infernal convention reports.
THE END
