As plastic action figures go, I’m not only devilishly good looking, but I’m also a world traveler. Well, maybe not a world traveler, but I’ve been all over Texas, which as the ad says is ‘like a whole other country’. Margui likes to take me along when she gets together with her Iolausian cronies…er buddies. This time, the group met in Arlington. The main attraction for the weekend was a bunch of circus freaks from ‘Cirque du Soliel’. I hesitated to call them that, considering I was once a sideshow attraction myself, but I digress. Margui and I arrived to the hotel a little after 1:00 p.m. Margui got the key to the room, which was actually a card, and let herself in. I tell you, technology is making it harder and harder for this King of Thieves to pick up a few things while he’s on vacation. Margui walked into the chilly room and then muttered something about not being an Eskimo. She quickly stormed out of the room, returned with a blanket and then turned up the thermostat. I tell you, that thermostat was quite the bone of contention throughout the hotel stay, as half the room complained about being too hot and the other half too cold. Women! You can’t live with them and you can’t satisfy them all. Although, I’m sure I’ve come closer than Curly. Having nothing to do, Margui curled up in her blanket and tried to take a nap. She didn’t get much of a chance, because the group returned from some movie about a hairy ceramicist. They said they were dying to see it. But, then again, these are Texas Iolausians after all, so go figure! What? Oh, Harry Potter! I was wondering about that. After four sets of hugs, there were presents and surprises for my Marguimarz. She received a much-anticipated script from Ceryndip as well as a large cloth bag with something soft and heavy in it. Ceryndip asked her to open it. It wasn’t moving so I deemed it safe. Little did I know it would ruin my vacation. Inside, to Margui’s sweet delight was a stuffed doll. Just looking at its dark hair, brown shifty eyes, mustache and goatee and I knew I was in trouble. Margui’s affection for me had finally been usurped. I don’t know whether it’s bad or worse that the usurper was a version, or should I say vision of myself. Okay? So what does he have that I don’t? Yeah sure, he’s at least a hundred times bigger, and some may say not nearly as stiff, but can he fit into a pocket? I think not. Sure, he has a thick head of black yarn hair and can sit down comfortably in a lap, but can he fit into a pocket? Need I say more? No, I didn’t think so. Margui spent the rest of the day running her fingers through the doll’s yarn hair. To add insult to injury, the rest of the group ogled him and I was completely ignored as they watched a few foreign films, a comedy debate about sex and a series that they said was out of this world. Okay, so it took place in outer space, same thing. I was less than interested in the debate about sex. Being a plastic action figure with only a few moving parts, that ain’t one of them, so their points were moot. Oh, the travesty of it all. I wonder if that stuffed Autolycus doll is…. naw, it couldn’t be. These gals either have a thing about shows set in weightless environments or they watch them just for the eye candy. These half-bit actors in body hugging space suits can’t even begin to compare to the King of Thieves. Last time the group met, I had to suffer through that Herculean favorite ‘Andromeda’. This time it was a show called ‘Enterprise’. After watching ‘Love Mussel’ and several episodes of ‘Enterprise’, it was time for everyone to get some sleep. I woke up Saturday morning to a shocking sight. Margui was trying to get into Young Iolaus’ pants, literally! Ceryndip had brought along some of the costumes she had picked up through various auctions and private collectors. She showed off some jewelry, pieces from the set and the dress that Iolaus’ grandmother, Leandra wore in an episode of Hercules. I heard the price she paid for it was a steal. That Ceryndip, a gal after my own heart but don’t tell Margui. She has a jealous streak. Ceryndip’s pride and joy however, was the complete Young Iolaus outfit: vest, pants, belt and coat. Margui held the pants up to her waist and they looked like they were a perfect fit. It didn’t take much encouragement from Jane for Margui to try them on. To round out Young Shortie’s pants, Ceryndip tossed her a skimpy top, part of an outfit worn in the series Xena: Warrior Princess. It was a green printed top made of gauzy material with a Wonder bra sown into it. Ooolala! It’s no wonder how it got its name. Margui hopes that the photos taken of her in YI’s pants and that practically obscene top won’t find its way to the Internet. Of course, it wouldn’t have been a real Iolausian vacation if they didn’t do some work on the Iolausian Library. So the morning was spent working on story challenges for the bards as well as other pressing matters. That afternoon, the group was set to drive into Dallas to see “Cirque du Soliel”. Like all respectable circuses, this one was held in a big top. I was hesitant to go in. Flashbacks of a mad, colossal chicken dressed like Discord came to mind. But I digress. Margui and I noticed some interesting observations at Cirque. Most of the men in the audience had some type of facial hair; mustache, beard, goatee, whatever and almost all carried ale into the big top with them. I wanted to blend in with the crowd, so I asked Margui for an ale to tide me over until dinner. She reminded me that even with an ale I would hardly blend in, considering I was only six inches tall, made of plastic and didn’t have a working digestive track. Yeah! Sure! Rub it in. The matinee lasted two and a half hours and a variety of acts were seen. We saw contortionists, balance acrobatics and jugglers. Of course, one of the biggest attractions were the clowns. But then again, we are talking about Texas “Iolausians” here, aren’t we? Margui admitted to me that her favorite act was the hoop divers. Secretly, I think she just likes seeing men going through hoops just for her. I’ve never seen Margui’s mouth open so much in awe, unless of course, she was looking at me. Our resident “Expert du Cirque” told us that there were several different traveling troupes. Each one having it’s own theme. The one visiting Dallas was called Dralion, a show with eastern influences, which combined the four elements that maintain life: air, earth, fire and water. Of course, where I come from those elements would be rubies, emeralds, diamonds and sapphires. Oh yeah! After Cirque du Soliel, we celebrated with all you can eat Chinese food. Then back at the hotel, the gals finished their evening with more foreign films. Margui fell asleep earlier followed by the others. Sunday, it was time for everyone to say goodbye until the next time they would meet. A few hugs later, I was put back into my special pocket in her luggage and then unceremoniously dumped into the trunk of her car. I tell you, the honeymoon is over. And just where do you think that stuffed Autolycus doll was? Why, he got the front seat for the drive home. Sometimes, I really hate being six inches tall!
