This story is not intended to violate any copyrights held by MCA, Universal Studios, Renaissance Pictures or any other entity involved with the making of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys or Xena: Warrior Princess.
"Autolycus. I should have known," Iolaus said as he watched the thief dangling upside down from a tree. His feet were bound in a snare. His arms hung only inches from the ground.
"Believe me. I had nothing to do with it, whatever it was. Now get me down!" Autolycus began struggling, causing him to swing wildly.
"Come on," Hercules said looking down at all the instruments of the thief's trade lying on the ground. "You expect us to believe you had nothing to do with the theft of the royal vault in Hellespont?"
Dangling from the tree for the better part of the day was making the thief woozy. He had the inclination to lie since he knew anything he said would be perceived that way, but he had nothing to loose by telling the truth. "For the love of Zeus, I didn't steal anything from your precious vault. Now, will you get me down?" Autolycus pleaded.
Even Iolaus was feeling sorry for the thief. As Autolycus was pleading to Hercules, Iolaus pulled out his knife and cut him from the snare. He was interested to hear the story that the thief would obviously concoct.
"Finally," Autolycus said as he meticulously brushed the dried leaves and dirt from his pants. He continued to preen himself, ignoring the expectant looks from Iolaus and Hercules.
Gathering his tools from the ground, he mumbled his explanation, "Not that I couldn't steal them, mind you. Even if traveling around with you two goodie four boots has dulled my razor sharp skills, I could have stolen the jewels, but someone beat me to them."
"HA!" Iolaus said incredulously, "You expect us to believe that! The theft had your fingerprints written all over it." He turned to Hercules, "Herc. Can you believe this story?"
"I could barely believe it myself," Autolycus interrupted. "And wouldn't have if I didn't see the culprit with my own eyes." In fact I was following him through the woods..." Autolycus blanched at the sound of his next words, "...so that I could return the treasure to the king."
"Just to get this straight, because you know, I just don't believe you. You're saying that you had nothing to do with this theft?" Hercules affirmed, "You were just coming after the real thief all along?"
Kneeling close to the spot where Autolycus was snared, Iolaus noticed a second set of footprints. They were relatively fresh and were heading deep into the woods.
"Look, Hercules," Iolaus said as he pointed toward the prints, "Autolycus may be telling us the truth. Here's another set of footprints. It looks like they're heading toward the interior of the forest."
Marveling at the stride of the steps, Iolaus determined that the person that left them was travelling very fast. The left footprint was set deeper into the moist ground suggesting that the owner was carrying a heavy burden.
"Now do you believe me?" Autolycus asked as he threw his hands up in the air in frustration.
"Okay. I believe you," Hercules finally conceded. "Now, let's go see if we can find your thief."
Pressing toward the interior of the woods, Iolaus and Autolycus began bickering about which way to proceed. The thief wanted to go one way and Iolaus insisted the trail led the other way.
"Quiet!" Hercules shouted. "I thought I heard something." He heard a faint cry in the distance and put his hand out to silence the two behind him.
"Really?" Autolycus said, "I didn't hear anything. Are you sure this swamp gas isn't getting to you?"
"Swamp Gas?" Iolaus said to the thief, "Swamp gas? There isn't any swamp gas here. I think that extra blood going to your head has softened your brain, Autolycus." Iolaus made a fist and knocked on Auto's temple to make his point.
"There it is again," Hercules stated as both Iolaus and Autolycus stopped their bickering long enough to listen.
"Underground," Iolaus breathed to himself and then aloud said, "I think the shouting is coming from under the ground."
Vague mutterings erupted from Autolycus as Iolaus forced him to search the ground for a hunter's pit, chasm or some underground cave that might be the source of the cries. Autolycus searched in one direction moving away from his companions, as Hercules and Iolaus set off in another direction.
"Woah!" Autolycus shouted as he stumbled almost literally, onto a hunter's pit. Autolycus got down on his hands and knees to peer down into the darkened hole.
"Xanadu, this ain't." He said as he saw the close quarters of the hunters pit. Not more than 3 feet square and 10 feet deep, a figure stood in the pit staring up at Autolycus. To spite the fact that his face was blackened with dirt, Autolycus recognized he was staring back at his mirror image.
"You're here?" Autolycus questioned to his mirror image in the pit. "How? Why?" He asked suspiciously. He had met his alter self one other time. It was not a pleasant experience. Autolycus saw the treasure chest laying next to his alter self and figured whatever it was, it couldn't have been good.
"Zowie," Iolaus expressed as he moved up to the pit and saw the thief with all his loot. "Hey, he's you." Iolaus said pointing to the two thieves in succession. Peering up at Autolycus, Iolaus and Hercules, the alter Autolycus knew he had no other choice but surrender at the moment. He quickly put his hands up in the air and smiled weakly.
Zigzagging from one Autolycaii to the other, Iolaus could see little difference between the two.
"You can hardly tell them apart," Iolaus pronounced, "Two of them. It's my worse nightmare come true."
"Xerox copy, I ain't, Curly," Autolycus protested. "This just happens to be my younger self. My younger stupider self..." He scrutinized his mirror image for a moment. "...I think?"
"What's going on here, Autolycus? That is if you can explain it." Hercules folded his arms waiting for an explanation.
"Very good question," the Autolycus from the pit answered. "As for my younger, stupider self, I'm looking at him. And I wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't stolen the king's treasure in the first place."
"Unbelievable!" Iolaus said twisting around in disbelief, "And I bet you two were in cahoots all along."
Tired of the constant bickering between the twin Autolycaii and Iolaus, Hercules grabbed the thief's grappling hook that he hid in a holdout attached to his arm. Walking over to a nearby tree and wrapping the hook around the trunk, he dropped the rope into the pit. "Okay? What's that for?" the thief from the pit asked.
"So you can climb up," was Hercules' response, "And then maybe we can get some answers."
"Right, I should have known." Autolycus said in distain.
Quickly, the "King of Thieves" shimmied up the rope and soon was standing on the pit's edge.
"Perhaps now you can tell us how you got here," the son of Zeus requested.
"Of course. Where should I start? I was born in the village of Scyros..." Autolycus began.
"No, no, no." Iolaus whined, "Herc, I'm going to need some serious pain killers if I'm to stand another second with these two," Iolaus stated as he rubbed his forehead in pain. "Are you always so full of yourself?"
"Most of the time...yeah!" Both Autoycaii said in unison.
"Let's just get back to the story. Shall we?" Hercules began, trying to keep the peace. "Why are you here, Autolycus?" Even Hercules was beginning to get a headache.
"Keeping Mr. Past Imperfect over there from starting an all out war." The Autolycus from the pit pointed accusedly to his mirror self.
"Junior over there had every intention of stealing the king's treasure and in my timeline, he did. King Paranoia thought the theft was orchestrated by his enemy, King Neurotica and in retaliation waged a war on his kingdom until the contents of the vault were returned. Needless to say, the rival king never had them to return."
"I caused a war?" The present time Autolycus questioned as he sat down on the rock in stunned disbelief.
"Hardly something I needed on my conscience," The other Autolycus proclaimed.
"Great!" Iolaus said looking from one Autolycus to the other. You could see Iolaus mulling over the story when he latched onto a conundrum, "Wait, I don't get it. You could have just stopped this Autolycus from the theft and prevented the war altogether. So why did you steal the chest?" he asked.
Fumbling around in his green tunic, Autolycus pulled out the Chronos Stone. "Because I needed this."
"End run..." he continued, "I needed the Chronos Stone to get back to my own timeline. I didn't have time to steal it in the King's Chambers, so I had to take the vault. Trust me when I say, when it comes to Autolycaii, you can have too much of a good thing. I had to get back."
Dropping the Chronos Stone back into his tunic and patting it twice for good measure, Autolycus gave his mirror self a self satisfying smirk.
"Can you just hurl now?" Iolaus asked Hercules, disgusted by the whole turn of events. Hercules looked away and smiled. He had already had the experience of the bickering twin thieves.
"Believe it or not, I did this out of the goodness of my heart." Autolycus said as he laid both hands on his chest. "Now if you don't mind, I have to be leaving."
Again, reaching into his tunic, Autolycus pulled out the Chronos Stone. Recklessly rubbing its base, he disappeared in a flash of brilliant light leaving Iolaus, Hercules and his other self to explain to the King just what had happened.
The End
