Sitting on a damp miserable park bench
in Cypresswood--a local neighborhood
that neither I nor Eddie are from-- I
take out a humidified cigarette,screw it
into my lips and begin to ponder as to
what my best friend and I should discuss
while on this one of many smoke breaks?
I take a good look at Eddie through
stern green eyes and I remember how
ethnic Eddie is! I begin to chuckle at
him, while he calls me a fag for
starring.
"I'm not a fag you wet back, I just
sometimes forget that your a taco!"
"Oh fuck you-you Irish meadow bunny!" he replies back to me.
Me and Edwardo are neither from the city
of Houston, we were both born out of
state, him being from some un-spellable
place in Mexico, and I hailing from Los
Angeles. We both arrived in this part of
the world when we were 2 years old.
I've know the little burrito since i was
14 years old when we met in 7th grade
after a round of put downs in gym class.
We later got to know each other and have
been friends since. An accomplished woman hater, are we both, and equal
misanthropes to our own good, we had so
much in common.
I tease this kid allot because on the
phone you'd never know he was a spic. I
always call him the "mayonnaise Mexican", cause the trigging kid acts "whiter" than I do!.Which is something--let me tell you-- that he doesn't like.I don't
know maybe he gets mad cause he wants to be full white, or maybe because he's
proud of his people. The answer to this
we shall never know.
So I'm starring at him and I remark on
how good his people are to come to this
country and make our homes and do our
menial jobs for beans--literally!
Now to the faint of heart, or the
bleeding heart, this may sound rough, or
racist, but fuck them! I'm an "Alpha male"
and as such I am prone to speaking to
other men this way.Trust me if we could
grunt we would!
I start telling Ed about my grandfather
and how he was a contractor in Cali for
so many years, and it's how he made his
fortune. I begin to describe to Ed how
the homes in Cali are so laughable it's
unreal!
"You got to see these fucking homes out
in L.A. there so tiny it's like living
in a cracker jack house. They have the
nerve to charge 200k for these fuckin
things, whereas in Houston 200k will get
you a half of a mansion."
I start taking fast drags off my cig so I
can reserve the time lapsed in between
breathes to keep making my points.
" I'll tell you the reason why--it's
because of the goddamn unions out in
Cali. They want all the fuckin benefits
and such, and that's why the contractors
have to jack up the price on these
little fucking huddles that we wouldn't
live in even if poor!"
"Out here in Houston we hire "Border
jumpers" to make our homes, and they are so fucking thrilled to be in America,
and to have a job making money, not
paying taxes, and not have the fuckin
Fedderalies robbing and raping their
women!"
Ed begins to shake his head,"That's
right. A hovel in America is a fuckin
palace in Mexico."
Boy this kid really is a wannabe white!
I'm just kidding.
"fucking 400k will-- by anyone's imagination of what a mansion looks like-- will buy you a mansion in Houston.Did you know Howard Stern just bought a 4600 sq. home in NY? The fucking thing cost his ass 5.6 million!!!"
Me and Ed both begin to laugh knowing
what I'm about to say next.
" 4600 sq. is 275k here in Houston that
jew got robbed man!"
Ed gets bored with this discussion on
border jumpers, and whether it's right
or wrong to have them here, or whether
its exploitation, or saving their lives,
so we both get up and wipe our asses off
from the dew that begot our pants on the
bench, and we get into his car and
begin to drive
"So Ed when are your 57
relatives coming over to fix my roof?"
Ed looks at me coldly and says,"Is there going to be any free tacos there?"
friendship is not so bad in life!
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