I shyly wandered into Mr. Simonson's Algebra class and took a seat in the front row. You were one of the last to arrive, as ended up being custom for you. Your fiery red hair caught my eye and I watched you as you swiftly made your way across the crowded room. You settled into a desk on the opposite side of the room, in the front row as well. I couldn't keep my eyes off you, I had gotten that feeling again. That one I get the moment I lay eyes on someone and know they will play a part in my life somehow. These feelings of mine were never wrong, I could never explain them if I tried.
I don't think you noticed my attentions that day, but that didn't matter. You seemed to follow me through the day, from class to class. We must've had at least four together that year. Chance cast us as partners in our basic science class a few days later, and there began a relationship that would forever change me.
No, it wasn't love at first sight, things like that only happen in the movies. We hit if off after the first few awkward minutes though, striking up an instant friendship. That's all it was at first, a close friendship.
Remember all the fun and crazy times we had? How many teachers and classmates we pissed off? It was the happiest time in my life. For once I had someone who could really make me laugh, and someone I could make laugh too. We "got" each other, everyone around us just thought we were crazy.
You knew me so well, knew what I was always thinking and actually cared about me. I still remember that day in science I was having bad cramps and didn't have any pain medicine with me. The nurse and our teacher weren't allowed to give me anything. I had to call my mom at work. You sat there with me, so concerned and wanting so much to make me feel better. You felt so bad that you couldn't help, it was so cute. You made me smile and forget the pain for a moment. I always loved that about you.
It wasn't until the following school year that you actually asked me out for the first time. I refused you because I only thought of you as a good friend. Dating would just be too wierd, plus I was a bit of a late bloomer in that area. I just didn't feel ready to date seriously. But you didn't let a little outright refusal stand in your way. You then proceeded to ask me out everyday for the next few months until I finally broke down and said yes on Valentine's Day, what a hopeless romantic, eh? I must admit your determination impressed me greatly.
Our relationship didn't really change at first, there was simply a fancy title attached to us now. Our friends didn't even notice a difference, most thought we were already dating since well before that moment. We grew closer as time went by and I began to fall in love with you too. But, as you know, our road to lover's bliss was not entirely a smooth one. We had countless arguments of which most were your fault. But you knew that. We broke up for the first time that summer. We rarely saw each other and when we did we only fought. I was so jealous of all the female friends you had. Sometimes it seemed you had more fun with them than me. You assured me I was wrong and that you loved me with all your heart. I never really believed you.
A weak moment and a opportunistic slut (I'm sorry, I just can't seem to come up with a better word for her) then put our extended relationship to the test for the very first time. Yes, we were broken up at the time, but you know what that night took away from us. Despite how much it hurt and how angry I got, I'm eternally grateful you picked up the phone and tearfully told me about your mistake later. At least our relationship wouldn't be based on lies.
Before we knew it we were back together again. You had written me a note that is now eternally etched verbatim in my memory. It was the sweetest and most perfectly timed confession of love anyone could imagine. It came right at the time I was realizing how much I missed you and wanted you back too. It was like you read my mind, scary how you always did that.
Sure, by this time I had noticed a few differences, but they were quickly dismissed. Those feelings just had to be wrong. You loved me, you had said it yourself, and I loved you. It was just perfect. We had made so many plans, we could see ourselves growing old together. We'd talked about how our wedding would be and what we'd name our children. But those feelings became more and more difficult to ignore as our friends approached me and inquired about just what I was suspecting myself. I laughed and denied the rumors, insisting they were wrong and if anyone would know the truth it'd be me. I knew I was avoiding the problem because I just didn't want it to be true. I couldn't understand how it could be true, but I knew it was. I had always thought I didn't deserve you, that you must be meant for someone better. Apparently, I was right."
Rose put down her pen and wiped her tears away. That was all she had the heart to write that night. She decided to finish it up tomorrow and then decide whether or not to actually send it out to Pom. He lived so far away now, but she felt he should know how much grief he had caused her. She hated herself for playing it off when she'd been given the opportunity to tell him the truth way back when. Instead, here she was over two years later, still hopelessly scarred and unable to trust members of the opposite sex at all. She hoped with all her heart this letter would relieve some of that somehow. It just had to.
