Poems and Letters

The Hero In Our Eyes

by Kaye Des'Ormeaux

My husband & I wanted our children
to be two years apart.
But when I tried to have another child,
I conceived right from the start.

Our second child was another boy!
Oh much to our surprise!
He'd be a little brother for Peyton.
He'd be the hero in our eyes.

Things didn't go as I wished they would.
Premature labor was to blame.
But within a while I had another son.
Shelton Earl Evans was his name.

Yes, our baby came into this world
to bring us pleasure & joy.
But when the reality set in, we knew
we had such a sick little boy!

He fought a battle before his birth.
And for the time thereafter as well.
Doctors did all they could to help him,
but he was so weak & frail.

The doctors tried to explain to me
with words I didn't understand.
All I knew was that my baby needed me.
And I needed to hold his tiny hand.

We were finally allowed to see our son.
Oh, but I couldn't believe my eyes.
There were wires & tubes hooked to him.
Oh could my baby hear my cries?

I touched his precious forehead.
I rubbed his tiny little feet.
It was a special moment for me.
A time for Shelton & I to meet.

Well, I was told to prepare myself
in case Shelton didn't live.
But I couldn't begin to think that way.
Shelton had so much love to give!

The time came for us to make the choice.
To remove our son from the machine.
Oh that was the hardest decision I ever made.
Only a mother knows what I mean.

Well, I was given time to be with my son.
Oh it was a special time for me.
His life ended while in my arms.
Just Him & me ... as it should be.

This had been more than a nightmare.
For a nightmare will surely end.
When my son left me to go to Heaven,
my heart broke & will never mend!

Yes, our second son lives in Heaven.
We watch for him in the skies.
He'll always be a brother for Lacey and Peyton.
And forever the HERO IN OUR EYES!

Kaye Des'Ormeaux
Copyright 2000
Dedicated to Shelly Evans
In Memory of Shelton Earl Evans
(Kaye, this poem means the WORLD to me! You are an angel!
Thank You from the bottom of my heart!)

Go Rest High On That Mountain

Sang by Vince Gill

(This is the song that is playing now!)

I know your life on earth was troubled
But only you can know the pain.
You weren't afraid to face the devil,
You were no stranger to the rain.
So, go rest high on that mountain.
Cause, Son, your work on earth is done!
Go to Heaven shouting,
Love for the Father and the Son!
Oh, how we cried the day you left us!
We gathered around your grave to greive.
Wish I could I could see the angel's faces,
When they hear your sweet voice sing!
Go rest high on that mountain!
Cause, Son, your work on earth is done!
Go to Heaven shouting, love for the...
Father and the Son!!!
(I Love you, my beautiful Angel!)

My Mom is a Survivor

By Kaye Des'Ormeaux

My Mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night
when all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others...
a smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see
tears flowing from her eyes.

My mom tries to cope with death
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
it is her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that angels
protect me forevermore.

I know that doesn't help her...
or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
and show her that you care.

For no matter what she says...
no matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.

Copyright 1998
Dedicated to the mothers who have lost a child & have somehow survived.
Special dedication to Clarissa,
Loving Memories

My Dad is a Survivor

By Kaye Des'Ormeaux

My dad is a survivor too...
which is no surprise to me.
He's always been like a lighthouse
that helps you cross a stormy sea.

But, I walk with my dad each day
to lift him when he's down.
I wipe the tears he hides from others.
He cries when noone's around.

I watch him sit up late at night
with my picture in his hand.
He cries as he tries to grieve alone,
and wishes he could understand.

My dad is like a tower of strength.
He's the greatest of them all~!
But there are times when he needs to cry...
Please be there when he falls.

Hold his hand or pat his shoulder...
And tell him it's okay.
Be his strength when he's sad
Help him mourn in his own way.

Now, as I watch over my precious dad
from the Heavens up above...
I'm so proud that he's a survivor...
And, I can still feel his love~!

Copyright 1998
Dedicated to the dads who have lost a child.

The Elephant in the Room

by Terry Kettering

There's an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.
Yet, we squeeze by with, "How are you?" and, "I'm fine"
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything else,
 Except for the elephant in the room.
There's an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk.
It is constantly on our minds.
For you see, it is a very big elephant.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
Oh, please, say his name!
Oh, please, say "Shelton" again.
Oh, please, let's talk about the elephant in the room.
For if we talk about his death,
Perhaps we can talk about his life.
Can I say "Shelton" and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, you are leaving me
Alone...In a room...
With an Elephant
(This was given to me by an 'angel' at The Ronald McDonald House,
 in the beginning when Shane and I couldn't communicate about Shelton!)

Shelton's Letter

by Shelly Evans (Shelton's Mommy!)

Mommy and Daddy worry no more!
For I'm inside Heaven's doors.
I am not gone away, you see,
I am only waiting for you to join me!
Here I can see the world below,
so these things, you should know.
I am only above, not gone afar,
So, feel me in your heart and see me in a star.
In your heart I'll always stay,
So, remember, I'm not far away!
Do not think of the pain and strife.
But, know that now I have everlasting life!
Even though I'm not physically there,
Know that I am here and that I care!
I'm your loving Son forever more.
So, until YOU walk through Heaven's doors,
know that I'm with you day and night.
Keep my memory and hold on to it tight!
Because I am not gone - only above,
And we're forever bonded by our love!
So, Mommy and Daddy, until your time is here,
I'll wait for you to hold me near!
(I wrote this October 20, 1996!)

The following are a few letters that I have written to Shelton. Thank you for letting me share them with you!

September 22, 1995

My Dearest Shelton,
I know that you can never read these words, but you can hear them through my heart! You would've been 1 week old today! This has been the hardest week of my life. The very best and the very worst thing happened. The best was you being born and the worst was you being taken away. There are so many questions I have that no one can answer. The most fullfilling time was when I held you in my arms. It didn't matter that you had already gone. I will never forget the sweet way you smelled or how soft your skin was. For those few minutes, it was as if it were only you and me in the world! Always know that whatever I'm doing or wherever I am - You are with me! I love you, Son, and even though you were taken from my arms - you will never be taken from my heart! 
Until we meet again,
Mommy

October 4, 1995

Dear Shelton,
It has been two and a half weeks now. I still think of you every second of the day! I looked at the clock the other day and then I reached down to put Peyton's shoes on. When I stood up, I looked at the clock again. I realized that 2 minutes had gone by and I hadn't thought of you. Everywhere I look, I see your tiny face. If it wasn't for your big brother I would really go crazy. It's just really hard sometimes to get up and go on with everyday life. It makes me feel better to write to you because in some sense it seems as though you are here and I'm telling you these things. The other night everyone was asleep and I missed you so much that I went and got your clothes that you wore and your blanket. I held them to my face. When I closed my eyes and held them to me, it was if it were you! Who knows? Maybe you were here and I really was holding you. I'd like to believe that.It gives me comfort to think that your here with me because I can't be there with you. Sometimes I wonder how I will get on with my life and live day to day when all I can think about is you. I wonder if it'll be easier as time passes. My only wish is that you know how much we love and wanted you, and that just as much as you are a part of us-we are a part of you. We are always there for you. That may not matter where you are now, but it helps me to think that you love us as much as we love you. I only wish that I could see you alive and healthy and not in the pain that you were in while you were here. That way I could carry those memories with me instead. Today and Forever-
I Love You-
Mommy

December 6, 1995

Dear Shelton,
Somehow daily life has gotten easier to live, but when I get down- I get way down. the only way I do go on is to try to avoid memories and thoughts of you. Sometimes I feel guilty about that. I just keep it in the back of my head that your coming back. The day my heart hears that your not - I don't know what will happen to me. The pain and hurt i feel is too painful too describe. I see all of your things here and wait for you to use them. I hung a Christmas stocking up for you. I know it's going to hurt when yours is left hanging with nothing taken out of it. But, to me, you are here and are a part of our family. How I wish you could see our tree and lights. I know that you'd be amazed with it like your brother was. I wish I could see you and hold you again. Not a day goes by without the thought of lifting you out of the ground, just to do that one last time. If only I would've realized that the last time I held you would really be the last time. I would give anything for those few minutes back today. I love you, my precious Son, and I can't wait until I can see and hold you again in Heaven. Dying no longer scares me. For I know that you are waiting for me on the other side!
I Love You!
Mommy

May 5, 1996

My Dearest Shelton,
It has been 7 and a half months now since you left us. The hurt is still there. I keep wondering if it will ever go away. I know that it won't though. Somedays things will be fine and in 1 second, I can be taken back in time and remember the pain and devastation all over again. I worry so much about your little sister inside me. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, too. Because I know that I wouldn't be having her if you were here with us. I wish I could see you sitting up, trying to crawl, and laughing, but I know that will never be. I guess I just wanted to tell you that I love and miss you so much. There are so many things left unsaid and undone. I guess that is what hurts the most. You are my angel and my guiding light. I thank the Lord for every minute that I had with you. You taught me more than you will ever know!
I Love You, Son!
Mommy

September 16, 1999

My Dearest Shelton,
I am writing to you tonight on your 4th Birthday. If you were here with us, we'd be planning a party, have cake with candles for you to blow out, lots of presents and party favors. There would be loud kids and a mess to clean up. But, instead there will be only 4 balloon (one for each year)that Me, Daddy, Peyton and Lacey will give to you.No presents to open, candles to blow out, no loud kids and no mess to clean up. If I were to buy you presents, I think I would get you a bike, lots of hot wheels and probably a race track to go with them. You and your brother would fight over them. Ya'll would be so close. I know that Daddy remembers what day today is. But I'm sure that no one else, besides Grannie, will remember. I remember every minute of today and tomorrow just as it was 4 years ago. In about 4 hours, my water broke and at 2:19 you were born. What I would give to go back to that time. Just to see and touch you once more. The past 4 years have been a long, bittersweet lonely journey. But, I wouldn't change a thing! Because you opened my heart and my soul to the true meaning of life. That is a gift that no one else could have given. I always complain about the hassle of having Birthday parties for Peyton and Lacey and cleaning up afterwards. I don't think I'll complain anymore! I'll be happy that they have loud kids there, can eat their cake, open their presents and most of all, the chance to blow out their candles. Because now I realize what it's like to have a child that will never get that chance! You would be a big boy at 4 years old! I can't believe that it has been that long. I Love You, Birthday Boy! I hope your soul smiles when we set 4 balloons free for you. I know mine will!
All My Love,
Mommy