 Buy Guardian Angel
My Guardian Angel Works Overtime
I was very promiscious as a teenager, and all I can say is that I must have had an army of guardian angels constantly watching over me, because I did not get
pregnant,and did not develop Aids or any other STD. I responded to my ex-husband's abuse with
Anorexia, I was paranoid to be near any men in a small space (such as an elevator), because I saw a potential rapist in everyone, and I hurt myself by peeling
skin off (specifically my lips, when they get chapped, I peel until it hurts and I develop blisters and my fingers, I constantly peel skin off my fingers around the base of the nail, and I seem to enjoy the pain from it...
I suffered from what I consider an identity crisis for several years, during which time I tried to commit suicide three times. One was a more or less accidental overdose of Lithium, one was a cut to my wrist
"just to see if I can feel the pain and if I care" (I did, I ended up calling a friend
to rescue me) and the last attempt was a carefully planned overdose of sleeping pills.
I had a NDE after that one and it changed my life. I did go into another abusive relationship one more time after that, but I began to realize that pain made
me feel comfortable and that I needed to do something about that.
I still do not stand up for myself easily, but do not accept any kind of abuse towards
me or my children. Currently I feel emotionally abused by my minister, and it has been festering in my mind. I have been going over my rebuttal in my mind for weeks, but I have not had the strength to say it to his face. I feel like a champagne bottle about to explode...
When my current husband, whose language is not always the cleanest, ticks me off, I "let him have it", I do not accept his anger if it is towards me, but I clearly
tell him how I feel, often in an aggressive way (but no hitting!). The wonderful part about it is: I am NOT afraid to tell him (we've been together for six years
and he's never hit me, so I guess I have learned to trust).
I am unclear about my early childhood sexual abuse, even though there are definite indicators that it happened. My brain has completely blocked out the memories and even under Hypnosis I was unable to access that storage part. I just know that from
as long as I can remember I sought out abusive relationships.
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