Who Is To Blame?
By: Krista Monson
When a child is molested who are we suppose to blame? I was molested several years ago today and I still blame myself. I know that it is not my fault but I still feel that if I had told my parents sooner it would have ended sooner. I don't blame my self for what that slime did to me, I blame myself for not telling my parents, I also blame myself for my mothers grief. She continues to blame her self. She feels that she did not do her job as a parent and protect me.
I am writing today to tell anyone who has ever been molested that it is not their fault. I am also here to tell any mother or father who blames themselves that it is not their fault either. You can not protect us from everything. If we speak up and you are able to help us thru the emotional battle we are about to face then you have done your job, if you help to put that slime behind bars then you did your job.
Mom this is especially for you. You were there for me when I needed you most. Okay so you could not stop him from doing what he did, but you helped me come to terms with it and deal with the pain and embarrassment. I thank you for that.
God not again.
How can he do this?
I am only eight
I don't have any female curves
I still have scraped knees
And bruises from climbing trees
If only I could tell my parents
They put a stop to this
But no, I can't put them at risk
I have to take care of my family
Oh it is so hard to deal with this
Mom, he hurt me
She cries for my pain
She holds me
It is not my fault she says
I know this
If only I had told them sooner
They can protect us all
From the evil of that man
Long ago, One fateful day my whole world was torn apart and my life destroyed. Not only did I lose a beloved pet but a nightmare began that would end my life as an innocent, carefree child.
At the age of eight I was molested by someone that my family trusted. Being the person I am as well as scared that this person would carry out his threats, I did not tell anyone about his abuse. I suffered silently and I allowed him to to do disgusting things to my body, for four years I allowed my body and my spirit to be beaten and molested.
Finally I could not take it anymore, and so I told my mother. To this day seven years later she still blames herself.
I am not writing this to convince anyone that the only person to blame is the slime ball who did this but to hopefully help anyone who has had to go through the same thing heal and come to terms with it.
For seven years I ignored it, tried to forget. But the birth of my daughter made me see that to heal I had to deal with it and get past it.
I have found many ways to help me thru this healing this process. The first is being able to talk to someone about it. I am lucky enough to have my mother as well as my husband to talk to about it. If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone close to you get a counselor.
Second thing I have found that helps is to write it down. Write down everything that I remember as well as any dreams I have on the subject.
Third I read a book when I start to feel overwhelmed by the memories. If a memory is still to hard to deal with at that time I just get a book that I have read before less concentration seems to help. Or I take a hot bath, or I do some baking, clean something, take a walk.
Anything to get my mind off of the memory for a while and when I feel more at peace I go ahead and allow the memory to come thru and I just let it flow along with my tears or anger.
The last thing I have found that helps is to share my experience with others in the hope that sharing my feelings and memories not only do I help my self but maybe help someone else.
There are several ways to deal with the past pain. Find the things that work for you. Don't repress your feelings and fears or the memories. They will come back to haunt you at the worst times. So be open with them even if all you do is write about it in a diary.
©Krista Monson 2002
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