Survivor Haven's
January 2002 Issue

How many times have we survivors felt like the “cinder” girl in the art print above? Discouraged and afraid, feeling we are unloved and unattractive, guilty for all the wrongs in our lives. As such we often are either fearful of living life to the fullest by attempting new challenges or we set ourselves such unreachable goals, we are the cause of our own supposed failures.

Being January, a new month and year, I was going to write an intro to this month’s issue of Survivor Haven dealing with how New Year’s resolutions are often made that are unrealistic goals with little if any chance of completing. Instead, I want to share with you a motivational letter from a member of one of my online writing groups that was established to help the members stay focused on their writing goals. The author of the following is Lisa Beamer and you can find out more about her and her online writing classes at Lisabeamer.com.

“I know we haven't even "officially" started yet, but I wanted to share some thoughts with you now while many of you are still writing your goals and getting them to me.

I've had a few people write that they are having trouble being specific about their goals because they are afraid they won't be able to meet them. Some people are worried that they are being too zealous with their goals, or not zealous enough. My first word of advice in this....relax! :) Next, please put down the hammer and chisel and toss those big ole stone tablets out the window, ok? (Oops! Watch the cat! Ouch! :})

The point of us writing down our 2002 goals right now is NOT to have them carved in stone. I believe that this is a common mistake people make with goals. No matter how wonderful the goal, if it is written down and then not achieved, it connotes failure. This is WRONG.

When you're driving along and suddenly come to a "Road Closed" sign, what do you do? Do you turn the car off and just sit there for the rest of your life, telling yourself that you are a failure because you couldn't finish your journey the way you had originally planned? No! Of course not! You might grumble a little, but eventually you'll turn the car around and search for a better way to get where you want to go. The same holds true for our goals in life -- writing and otherwise.

None of us know where our lives will be twelve months from now, nor what path we will have taken in the interim. Yes, part of the reason we make goals is to help us FORGE the path between here and there, but remember...you might encounter a " ROAD CLOSED " sign occasionally. There might be a flood that will force you to go a different route. Or, you might come to a clearing that will make your path easier! You might even discover a new destination that you hadn't thought of before!

The goals you are sending me right now are NOT carved in stone. None of the monthly goals you send me will be carved in stone. As a matter of fact, part of what we are going to do throughout the year is to revisit our 2002 goals periodically...we're going to fine tune them and adjust them as we see fit, according to the path we travel over the months. We want to SUCCEED. One of the keys to success is knowing when to be flexible. I know, I know...some of us are not, by nature, flexible people. I'm one of them. But we do need to learn to be kind to ourselves in this way. So please trust me when I ask you to just write your goals down now as you see them...and be assured that they are not the be all and end all to your goals for the coming year! Please don't let them stress you out! :)”

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