It's All My Fault

It's All My Fault Margaret Helmstetter July 31, 2003 It's all my fault. It really is. I started the day with a headache. It was my fault, if I hadn't fought daddy last night he wouldn't have hit my head so hard and I wouldn't have had a headache when I woke up. I made Daddy's lunch, I even remembered to put in the thermos of Ice tea. It was all my fault. I should have checked the sugar before I put it in the thermos. After Daddy left for work, I went to school. I had to answer some silly questions from the teachers about my black eye. I told them a lie, but I knew if I told them the truth Daddy would have gotten in trouble and it was my fault he hit me. If I would just be a good girl, I wouldn't get hit. My big sister don't get hit no more. She does what Daddy and daddy's friends tell her. I want to be a big girl. I don't want Daddy to get mad at me no more. It is all my fault I don't do what he tells me. I told the teachers I was going down to the basement and the light bulb went out, and when I fell, I hit my face on the wall. It don't matter we don't got a basement. Only one teacher seen our house, and he ain't gonna say nuttin'. After school I went home. Daddy was home. He told me I had better behave 'cause he had some friends coming over and I had better be nice or I was gonna get more than a black eye. He told me to put on those funny clothes with the holes. I don't like them. Then he hit me, 'cause his ice tea didn't taste right at lunch and he had some awful belly cramps afterwards. It was all my fault I should have checked before I put his tea in his lunch box. Sister was in the bathroom getting' pretty. She don't like it cause daddy's friends don't play with her much no more. I would rather they play with her. It's all my fault for not being as pretty and smart as her. I should listen to Daddy when he tells me to be nice to his friends. I made a jug of ice tea, I used daddy's special recipe. It's all my fault I should have checked before I made it. I put extra sugar in it, 'cause daddy said it didn't taste sweet enough. At least he didn't hit me when I didn't get it right the first time. Daddy's friends came over. They all gave him some money when they came in the door. One of his friends didn't have enough, and daddy wouldn't let him in the door. Said the price was set and no one was getting in with out the right amount. That was ok...Daddy had five of his friends in. He told me to pour everyone glasses of ice tea. It was all my fault. I should have checked the ice tea. Pretty soon, everyone was layin' on the floor and throwing up, even Daddy. I was fine cause I didn't drink none of that ice tea. I didn't know what to do. Daddy said to call the hospital. He kept yelling about how I had poisoned him. He was mad, but couldn't hit me cause he was too busy rolling around on the floor. I called the hospital. An ambulance came and took them away. A nice man in a police car gave me a ride. I keep telling the nice people that it was all my fault and they keep telling me that I shouldn't blame my self. Any one could have made a similar mistake if they couldn't read. The newspapers had a big ol' thing about it. One of the nice people read it to me. She even explained the words I didn't understand. "Six-Year-Old Poisons Pedophiles" It was all my fault, now I is gonna go to jail, cause that is what they do to people who kill other people. I should have checked it was sugar and not the rat poison. It's all my fault. I should've listened to Daddy. Return To: Fall 2003 Issue