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Relationship Rape:The Sadist
By:Ruth Reynolds
Relationship rape, like child molestation is usually an act
of an insecure male. By violating his partner he is showing
his disregard for her as a person. It is in his control over his violation of her that feeds his need for power. If, at the same time, he simply views his partner as an object to fulfill his demands and desires it strengthens his power and control over her
even more.
This is the man who, under any circumstances, will not hear either a 'No' or a 'Not Now'. It is literally how and when he decides to drop his pants. It is because of this behavior of his that he needs to be in relationship with someone in order to get away with his behavior in the bedroom. This insecure rapist is constantly sarcastic about women, except around his next victim. Then he's the perfect sweetheart until
he has her in his net. Then the cycle of abuse, for him, starts all over again.
If his partner dares to stand up to him she best hope that all she'll get is a tongue-lashing. By the time he finally gets to the physical abuse stage both her self-esteem and self-confidence will be stripped away and she will feel so insecure about herself that she will believe the lie that she both caused and 'deserved' the abuse. In actual fact, it's
really another step in his arsenal of weapons to create her dependence on him at the same time strengthening his total control over her.
Every woman in this situation eventually hits bottom. Then she has to choose between staying in a bad relationship or figuring out a way to move away from this man and move on with her life. Most of the women who went into these kinds of relationships were somewhat strong-willed and had gained an independence and friends. By the time they hit bottom their natural tendencies of independence and self-reliance have been broken and they let themselves be isolated from their friends. Therefore, when she decides to leave she has very few people to turn to for help.
When I was in this situation my bottom was worrying about 'falling' down a flight of stairs after I found myself pregnant with his child. I had a tendency to miscarry to
begin with and I decided to leave the relationship to give the child within a chance. It was not an easy decision and we did get back together. . .once. Then I left him for good.
While our lives have been filled with challenges over the past twelve years, I do not regret leaving my son's father. It was one of the best things I ever did
for us.