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My name is Sandy, I am thirty-three years old. I guess I am what you would call a survivor. I was sexually assaulted by my older brother from the time I
guess to be 5 years of age to 12 years. I don't know why I let it last that long, I really only remember bits and pieces of what happened.
I barely
remember any of my childhood. I started drinking at age 10 and smoking marijuana at 11, so needles to say I don't remember much of my teenage years
either. When I was partying with my friends I found out at least 3 out of 5 of my friends had had something happened to them also in one way or another.
I would bravely say, "It's over with!" and they would say, "Boy, I wish I could be as strong as you!" I said "It's over and done with you have to go on with your life" While I drank down vodka and smoke a joint!
So brave!! Well, a lOT of years went by and I was 25 when I had my son. I cut down considerably on
drinking because he was my life. A couple years go by and my nephew who was 15 at the time was going through a rough time with some "personal" things,
even suicidal. Then I started thinking, "my God, what if something happened to him, I would die" He is like a son to me.
That's when things started coming, the flash backs, the panic attacks, the depression. My husband was
very supportive. I had to be strong during the day, for my son's sake, but when my husband came home I would go into the bathroom and cry for about 15
minutes. I kept telling myself I had every right to cry, to feel hurt, to feel mad, to feel betrayed, to feel hate for my own brother, JUST TO FEEL!
I just let my self go through this, and I prayed a LOT for patience, courage and
strength, and for the other people who suffered from this.
A little prozac helped too! I was on that for about a month then went for therapy on my own. He was
very helpful to me. After being on the prozac for 3 more months I started weaning myself off because I figured, (this is just the way I thought) "You can
go to the best therapist, counselor, psychologist,etc. in the world, but if your not ready to face it, deal with all the feelings, and learn to let it go, then nothing will help."
It took me about 4months to go through what I had to go through but I'll tell you the feeling I had afterward, the only way to describe it was like being suffocated or being under water then being released. What a breath of fresh air! I guess I can say it's something you never get over just something you have to go through. I mean I can think about it now. Sometimes it'll pop into my head, or when I hear about another child being molested I can let myself feel it, the hurt for myself and someone else.
I just recently found out my sister went through the same thing. I'm not sure how long because she hasn't really gone into detail. I'm afraid the painful journey hasn't begun for her yet, but I will be there for as much support as she will let me. I will be support for anyone who needs it.
Thanks for letting me share.
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