Ok you want two full barrells its not pleasant what I went with. Some people have said I made it up. But really I wish it was made up. Because its not nice at all.
HI all,
Trigger
Picture a boy of only 4 years old. Picture him being raped by a female and being confused. This was me. This was a babysitter. She had the look in her eyes. The look that all perps get. Statistically she should of been a one off. Because if society would have you believe what they want you too, its very rare that females abuse children. They would like you to believe that women just don't have it in them.
Picture being told over and over again that you are useless and mental and that if you were there child they would of had you aborted at birth. That is what happened to me.
Due to Aspergers Syndrome, a mild autistic problem. I was labeled a retard and sent to a psychiatric clinic where people were MEANT to help Children. Instead one woman used to abuse me on a daily basis. But wait I hear you cry, you must be lying, because statistically those are the odds of winning the lottery, that 2 women could of abused the same child. Well its true.
The fact of the matter is I was easy to abuse. Because I hardly spoke to many anyway as I was a shy child. I already had been diagnosed as having behavioral problems etc, so who would of believed me. She used to find excuses to humiliate me and for me to be naughty.
She would practice pin down. That was standard practice then. They dragged a child to an isolated room and would pin them down if they had a tantrum. But she didn't practice it in that way. She would sit on my shoulders hold my head then get on top. I am angry at the moment so all this is going through me now. It all happened. I was not lucky I was 7 at the time and wanted to die.
SOME PEOPLE say why didn't I talk. Well I saw a child thrown up in the air like a rag doll and his head hit the cocreate. Anyway I was halled into the office and called a liar, by guess who, yep my Perp. She called me a liar and a wicked child.
On top of that the last picture was of an older girl using her brother. Well this was when my mom adopted my Sister Katey who at that time she didn't know had been sexually abused by her natural parents and through foster homes.
She started to abuse me from the age of 4 up till when I was 12. She was 5 years older but much older for her age. Whatever her age she used me and was quite old when it stopped.
Part 2 continued
Now Picture a child further on who found himself yet again in mainstream school. Picture that child been humiliated infront of the entire school when the teachers announced in assembley that the child came from a special school. Well that was me. Now picture that same child undergoing not just bullying from the pupils but also the teachers. Time and time again being told he was thick and shouldn't of been in that school.
Picture the same child at 14 having enough of the bullying half killing a bully near the last days of school. I never went back after that.
Since then you know the rest of the story. The AS Adult is thrown into work. Because there are no physical or mental signs of problems the AS Suffer tries hard at work but still comes over as different. The AS Suffer ends up having the sack or just treated like a child. The AS Suffer has no escape ......
Picture later the now adult struggling with office work yet being brilliant at complex computer tasks. Being picked up for attention to detail and also, yes you have guessed it, being bullied by a group of women. One who made sexual remarks. The abuse was starting all over again. So much so that he had a break down. Oh and at the time not that they cared his mother had breast cancer and could of died......
Well now that is me. I am brilliant at computers. I am not amazing. I just have done what I can to survive. I hate the fact I have no job. I hate the fact I am on IB and they could take it away at any moment. I hate the fact Sarah is thinking of starting work and I will feel less of a man ......
,br>I hate the fact that everyone who I know in my family thinks I am just coping out. Thinks that I have all this talent and it is going to waste. Maybe they are right at 31 years of age it is time I tried just one last time.
Since then I have had to overcome a few problems:
I have found pervy psychiatrists wanting me to tell them every detail. These were mostly MEN. So you see any ladies here I have experienced nasty stuff at the hands of men as well.
I was getting help from a local Mental Health Unit but I don't think they feel I am a big risk. SO they haven't done anything since. I am going to have to chase them up. The problem is I have coped so long, that its like I come over as if there are no problems. Well they are. Just because I am a MAN and just because the abusers were WOMEN shouldn't make any difference.
Anyway that is my introduction back again.Please send any comments on this story to:Survivor Haven
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