By: Margaret Helmstetter
They look like sleeping angels when you see them the first time, Innocence personified. You can see the sweet child lurking in the smile upon their faces. It isn't just gas; it is a real live smile. Then they start to walk and talk.
They call your name, they learn. They walk and talk; they see you express your love with clean clothes, nutritious meals, hugs and generous actions. It has been said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I don't want my child to imitate me and 'cook' the dog food in my spaghetti sauce.
You smile and hope they learn to express their love in a less hazardous manner. As they grow older their attempts become more creative. You learn to react to "Mom, I love you." With "what do you want?" If you are lucky it is money for the latest 'gotta have'. If your not so lucky it is time to figure out how to make the budget stretch to cover the neighbors window, all 28 panes.
The breakfast in bed with burned toast, cold coffee, and runny eggs is an attempt to express their affection. I would prefer a cup of hot strong coffee and a glass of juice, but will choke down the offering (and if I am lucky the dog will be next to the bed). We don't give our children breakfast in bed, simply because we know it isn't practical. The juice is going to fall, the food is going to be cold, and what do you do with that piece of bacon that is not even remotely edible?
When the attempts finally send you over the edge we have to worry about not only our own survival, but also the survival of our children. Walking away with a pained smile upon our faces is a better choice than saying something that could wound the child who was trying to help by loading the dishwasher with diapers.
Try to see the event from their point of view. You wash clothes, the dishwasher washes dishes, so...the logical thing is the dishwasher will wash diapers. The attempt to heat a can of soup is not designed to make your hair all fall out, they wanted to save you some time, and fix lunch. The can opener was out of reach, so the closed can in the microwave will work, besides you are always saying how much you hate washing dishes.
It is not always possible to understand their logic, all you can do is try to calmly and rationally explain why putting the crayons in the dryer will not make them round again.
We don't have to understand why, most of the time our children can't tell us why. It seemed like a good idea at the time. We do have to refrain from saying things that will hurt them; we do have to avoid hitting them, or making threatening motions that they might walk into. A little discussion about physics and the laws of nature should insure that they don't try to fly from the roof of the storage shed again, and we can hope it won't be the roof of the house next time.
Surviving children can be a matter of learning when to hold your breath and admiring them when they are asleep. The halo's return and the innocent smile, along with your chocolate clutched tightly will bring a smile to your face. Rest, relax and recover your equilibrium...tomorrow they will try to demonstrate how much they love you again.
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The Winter 2003 Issue
Survivor Haven's HomepageMargaret Helmstetter is the Assistant Editor of The Child Care Sentinal