Words Hurt!
Words Hurt!
by Candace Priore
We tell our teenagers that having a baby will ruin their lives. While it is true they will completely change the course of their lives, and make it so much more difficult than it should be, it is not true that their lives will be ruined.Let’s take a look at the word ruin. There are nine defentions to this word. I have choosen the ones that apply to this phrase.
RUIN: verb - downfall, decay, or destruction. complete loss, as of means or position. something that causes destruction; blight. the act of causing destruction. to injure (a thing) irretrievably. This is according to the definition in the Random House Webster’s Dictionary.
So now knowing the definitions, does any of them apply to having a child? No. A child is a precious part of life and can not possibly ruin your life. Because now you are in charge of another human being it makes it so much more difficult. This is true no matter what your age though.
I do not condone having a baby when you are still as much of a baby yourself. I had my first child as a teenager and know just how hard it is. But having this child did not ruin my life. The child is innocent. Don’t put the blame where it doesn’t belong. A baby does not ask to be born
As adults we need to change our way of thinking, and our way of speaking. My eleven-year-old son has heard things being said. He knows he was born when I was sixteen and he knows how hard things have been for me since then. After hearing so many times that he ruined my life, he started believing it. He started saying ‘Mom, I’m sorry.’ and he would not tell me why. Finally, I got him to tell me.
When he said that he was sorry for ruining my life. I blew my top. He didn’t and now he knows this. It is irresponsible of us adults to use words without thinking. We know that calling our children names is emotional and mental abuse. Well, so is blaming them for the decisions they had no part of. They did not ask to be born. They had no choice in the matter.
No matter what your age having a child changes it and makes it harder. It is selfish of us to place the blame where it does not lay, on our children. It is nothing more than abuse, and shame on those that say this.
There are other ways to convince a teen not to have a child and they are better than teaching your teenager how to abuse. Talk to them about abstinence and protection. Let them talk to teenage mothers that have been there and done that. Develop a relationship with your child outside of school work and chores. Tell them that no matter what it is they have done they can tell you, and mean it. To me this is the most important, teach them that they do not have to follow the crowd. That it is a good thing to be your own person and make your own decisions. To be their own person. To be a leader not a follower.
It’s not enough to tell your child not to have sex because if they do it will ruin their life. You have to teach your child about safe sex and abstinence. We can no longer tell our children that it ruins their life to have a baby. That is sending them and any offspring they might or might not have the wrong message.
Remember, their children will one day hear this and think they ruined their parent's lives. Or the parents will blame the child for everything that went wrong in their lives through their decisions. Those parents will say ‘If you had never been born then this wouldn’t have happened’ or they will say ‘I could have been somebody if you had never been born’ .
We must agree that this is abuse, and we are the ones teaching our children to do this. By placing the responsibility of the child’s birth on the child instead of where it belongs. On those that should know better but was not taught any different.
These children born of teenagers are just as much our future as children born of someone thirty years old. They deserve our protection just as much as any other child. They do not deserve the abuse heaped on them by ‘well meaning strangers’ or more accurately society as a whole.
I tell my children every single day that they are special, and loved, and that they can tell me anything. I tell my oldest about birth control and abstinence, because he is the only one that is old enough to ask questions. He also knows that his life and the lives of his children will be better if he waits to have them. Wait until you are able to give them the life they so very much deserve.
I resent people saying that my child ruined my life. Because the last time I checked no one made my decisions for me. I made them myself.
I made the decision, I did the act, I got pregnant, I had my child, I (with the help of my parents) raised my child. I did all this, not my child. So, lets stop telling these children that they are to blame. Because they are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Candice Priore is a mother of three, a wife and an aspiring writer. Other areas of her writing can be found at:
Candace Priore
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