By Tabby
TaichiDejimon@collegeclub.com
I stared at the little box with the bow on it. I was gonna give it to Matt, but I wasn't sure exactly how to give it to him. It was a belated birthday present (he had turned 18 over the break) and also something sentimental. I knew he wouldn't say so, but I feared he would think it was too girly or something. It was early January. I hadn't seen Matt since, well, since the day winter break started. He'd gone to his grandmother's who lived in the mountains. I was only allowed to call him on his birthday (my parents had a fit when the phone bill came this month) and that was a week ago. I walked up the salted street slowly and saw Matt standing at our corner. He smiled when he saw me. I started to run and pounced him somewhat as I reached him.
"Hey Tai!" he said, hugging me back, "I missed you so much! God! Did you have a good break?" he asked, linking his arm in mine. I shook my head.
"I missed you too. I got you a birthday present," I said, handing him the box. He smiled at me. His sapphire blue eyes sparkled. I felt my heart melting. Ahh.
"Thank you. I actually got something for you too, even though it was my birthday..." he said. He handed me a box similar to the one I gave him, only it was blue velvet and didn't have a bow.
"Aww, Matt," I said. He grinned.
"Open it!" he said. I pushed back the lid and stared at a ring. It was a silver colored band with a sapphire (my birthstone) set in it, and around the stone "Matt Hearts (you know, loves?) Tai" was stamped. I opened my mouth slightly.
"Oh wow Matt...thank you," I whispered. He kissed me on the nose.
"It's just a little something I wanted to get for you." I studied it closer. The band had a faint gold tint to it.
"Is this white gold?" I asked skeptically. He nodded. "Oh my god." He took the ring from me and took it out of the box. He slid it on my ring finger of my right hand. Perfect fit. It wasn't really a masculine ring, but then again, I guess I'm not really a masculine guy. It was a beautiful ring anyway. I loved it. "Thank you so much," I said, not taking my eyes off the ring.
"You're welcome. I think I know what this is," said Matt. He opened his box. It was a ring he'd seen a while back, plain silver, just a band. It had room for wording, so I had very thoughtfully gotten Tai Hearts (loves again) Matt. Hee hee. Very similar to what he got me, no? He grinned at me.
"Thank you! Wow, you remembered!" he said. He pulled out his necklace (just a silver chain he wore all the time) and undid the clasp. He put the ring on the end of it and fastened it again. "Looks perfect," he said. I smiled at him.
"Glad you like it," I said. He nodded. He linked his arm back through mine and we walked to school. "If I lived a little further, I'd be driving the Explorer," he said. I raised an eyebrow.
"Since when do you have an Explorer?" I asked. We walked up the steps. We went to homeroom instead of first, to find out our schedules this semester. I collasped (I notice that guys don't just sit, we collaspe. It's a thing we must do,) in a desk and asked Matt again. "Since when do you have an Explorer?"
"It's what my Mom and Dad and Grandparents gave me for my birthday," he said. My mouth dropped open.
"Oh god! You're so lucky!" I said sighing. Of course, I didn't even have my license, so what was I bitching about? Joe and Izzy came in late. (Our homeroom was for I-K last names.)
"Hey guys, did you have a nice break?" asked Joe panting as he (naturally) collasped at his desk. Matt and I both shook our heads.
"Oh, lemme guess. You missed each other?" asked Izzy. Nod.
"So typical...guess what?" asked Joe, putting an arm around Izzy, "Izzy and I have decided to elope!" Izzy looked at Joe and shoved his arm off.
"What the hell?" he said laughing. Joe winked.
"Oh...oh yeah. We've been having gay animal sex too. You know Joe's got a very nice golden retriever," said Izzy. Joe made a funny face of disgust. I put a hand over my mouth to stifle laughter.
"Okay, that's just gross," said Joe. I heard Matt snort as he tried to contain himself. We shut up as our homeroom teacher came in.
"Okay, you know the routine. Here are your schedules, classes start in 10 minutes, do whatever you want," said the teacher. He handed out our schedules. I looked at mine.
"I've got the same one!" said Matt.
"Me too," said Joe.
"I don't...they've put me in Calculus for 5th period now," said Izzy.
"Me too," I said. They'd switched my Calculus and History class.
"Cool. You've got it with us now!" said Joe.
"Yay," I said, giving Matt a look.
"We've got 3 classes together now," he said softly. I nodded happily. So my day was normal until after lunch. I actually got to go into class with Matt. It was cool! Matt glared at Merzuna-san. I was puzzled. He'd always been nice to me.
"Hello Tai," he said as I walked in following Matt. "You don't mind the schedule change, do you? I couldn't teach 4th anymore." I shrugged.
"It's okay. No big deal." Merzuna-san smiled at me. Matt touched my hand gently and shook his head. "What?" I asked, sitting down next to him. He put a finger over his mouth and made a hushy sound.
"I'll tell you later," he said. I shrugged. I wasn't a genius like Izzy was, but when it comes to numbers and manipulating them, I catch on pretty fast. I only had to take notes for about 10 minutes when I understood how to do the homework, so I started a note to Matt instead. It was pretty personal, and very kinky. I grinned as I wrote. I was being such a bad boy! I laughed softly and passed it to Matt. He was frowning and writing at the same time. He took the note without reading it...just as Merzuna-san walked between our desks.
"I'll take that note, thank you Matt," he said. His voice had the hint of a growl in it. Oh no... Merzuna walked back up to his desk. I looked at Matt and made the "cut your throat" sign. He opened his mouth.
"Oh shit," I murmured. Merzuna-san had opened the note! NOOO! His eyes scanned the page rapidly. He turned red and looked right at me. Then he crumpled up the note and tossed it in the trash.
"What was in it?" Matt whispered.
"Tai, please come see me after school today," he said. I opened my mouth to say something but then thought better of it. "Yes sir," I mumbled. shit shit shit! "Something a teacher should NOT read," I whispered back to Matt. I hid my face in my hands. How humiliating.
"I'll wait for you after school then," Matt whispered, "I'll come get ya in my birthday present." He looked at me and tried to get me to smile.
"Okay," I said and sighed. Aww MAN! Joe and Izzy turned around and gave me a sympathetic look. Oh well...fuck me. After school I showed up in Merzuna's room.
I expected to hear a lecture about the school code and how awful I was to break it, but all Merzuna said was, "Tai, come with me." I followed him to the boys bathroom. I didn't get it. I went in first, and he followed. I heard a click. Oh no! The doors only locked from the outside...you had to have a key to unlock them from the inside.
"Uhh...you locked the door?" I asked. I was feeling a little worried. What the hell was going on? Merzuna-san gave me a creepy smile. I was feeling very worried now. "What...on earth?" I asked in a quavering voice.
"Tai...this was meant to be. That note revealed it to me," he said softly. I widened my eyes. "That note was for Matt! What's meant to be? What are you talking about?" I asked, backing up towards the wall. Suddenly, one word popped into my head. Rape. I felt my body freeze up. Was Merzuna-san going to rape me? I didn't feel like I was really in this bathroom.
"What are you going to do?" I heard myself say. He stepped forward and unzipped his pants.
"Something I've wanted to do for a long time," he said. He also pulled out a switchblade. My eyes widened with fear.
"Oh no..." I tried to scream but it came out a whisper. Was he going to kill me too? He took another step forward and kicked me hard in the crotch. I fell over and doubled up.
"If you cooperate, I won't need the blade," I heard him say. He kicked me in the mouth this time. I tasted the blood as it filled my mouth. My lip pulsed faintly from the pain. He knelt down next to me and wiped some of the blood off. "Will I need this?" he asked, waving the blade in front of me. I groaned. He stood up again and kicked me in the chest as I tried to get up. I felt the cool metal of the blade touching the back of my neck. I was so afraid he would kill me...I tried to get the wind back in me.
"No," I whispered. My eyes filled with tears as the aching of my groin, lip and chest started to intensify.
"Good. Be a good boy Tai. Don't make this harder than it has to be," he said. I heard him get behind me. "Okay...let's see how to do this..." I heard him say. I closed my eyes tight as he reached around me and unsnapped my jeans button. Then he pulled them down roughly.
"OWWWWW!" I cried out as I felt him enter me. I heard him laugh. "Hurt a little bit? So sorry. I'll try to make it hurt worse this time," he said, ramming into me. The sobs started jerking out of my throat as he raped me. It was extremely painful. Even when Matt and I did it the first time, it didn't feel anything like this. And I could hear him laughing at me over my sobs. He was laughing at me! It made me angry. Tears of pain and anger mixed with the blood pouring down my chin and hit the bathroom floor. It wasn't over soon enough, but I knew he came because I could feel it, and I could hear Merzuna-san groaning loudly. He finally pulled out of me, and I heard him zip up his pants. I pulled mine up too, painfully. My groin still hurt from the kick, and so did my ass...I didn't bother getting up. I lay on the floor and stared as Merzuna unlocked the door.
"You just gonna lay there?" he asked me harshly. I nodded. "Tai, don't be an idiot. Get up. You're not hurt."
"Fuck off," I whispered and didn't move. I think I was going into shock, because I really was freezing up now. I couldn't move my legs or arms while HE was there.
"Fine. I'll make sure to mention to Matt where you are. He's probably here now." He glared at me. Then he actually smiled. "Don't forget to do your homework tonight!" I closed my eyes and let the waves of pain wash over me. I heard the door close behind me. I waited for about 5 minutes, and then I got up slowly. My legs were locking constantly, but I had to leave...I didn't bother getting my stuff from Merzuna's room. I just made my way to the door painfully. I didn't want to make Matt wait too long. I saw his green Explorer out in front of the steps. As soon as he saw me, he sprang out of the SUV and ran up to me. I fell to my knees as he reached me.
"Tai! What happened? You're bleeding! What's wrong? Did you get into a fight?" he asked, helping me up. I could barely stand now.
"He...raped...me..." was all I could whisper before the world turned black.
"I don't know," I said in a dull voice.
"I really miss you Tai. I'll come visit you again if you want," said Matt.
"Sure."
"Or not if you don't...you don't want to break up with me, do you?" asked Matt. He was serious!
"No! Please Matt...don't break up with me...I need you," I said starting to cry.
"Ah! I'm not, I'm not. I was just thinking you wanted to break up with me...I know that it must've changed you a lot, you know?" he said. He sounded a little shaky too.
"No...never...you and me, together forever, remember?" I said softly. The tears ended as abruptly as they started.
"Okay...do you want me to visit you tomorrow during lunch break?"
"Please."
"Okay. I'll bring something good, okay?"
"I don't feel like eating. Ever again," I said. It was true. I'd lost 8 pounds in the last two weeks. My mom fretted that I wasn't eating enough. I was really starting to look thin.
"Tai, have you been eating at all?"
"No."
"Fine. I'm bringing something good. You will eat it, because I'm going to make you. Look, I know you've been through a lot, but you can't deny yourself nutrition. You'll kill yourself."
"You don't know what I've been through!" I screamed at him and hung up the phone. I started crying again and lay down on my bed. I sobbed into my pillow, hoping to muffle the sounds. I couldn't bare to face my parents or Kari anymore today. It was always the same. Sympathetic looks. Sorries. I heard "I'm sorry" so much I wanted to scream. The phone rang. I ignored it. I heard Kari pick it up.
"Hello?---Hi Matt---Umm, lemme ask." I heard Kari walking down the hall past my room. My mom's voice and Kari's voices were muffled as I heard them talking. Then Kari walked back down the hall and I heard her say, "Yeah, they said okay---See you in a bit." I sighed and turned over on my other side and faced away from my door. About ten minutes later, I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't hear any words exchanged with Kari and Matt (I knew it was Matt). My door creaked open, and then closed.
"Go away Matt," I muttered, swallowing down a sob. Matt didn't go away. Instead, he sat down on the edge of my bed and started to rub my back. He did this in silence for a few minutes. Then he spoke softly I had to turn partially to hear him.
"I wish I could make the pain go away Tai...I wish I was the one who had to bear everything you're feeling right now. I know I don't know how you feel, but I do know you're in a lot of emotional pain, and I wish I could make it better. Or you'd let me try to help you. I don't want to be shut out. I don't want you to bear it all alone. You can't do this on your own Tai. I know that. I want to help you."
I turned over completely, so I was on my back. I stared up at Matt through my tears. "Why? After I yelled at you? I was being a jerk Matt...I don't deserve help."
"Yes you do. I still love you Tai. I always will. No matter what. Even if you stopped loving me, I'd still love you. Remember that, okay? That's why I want to help you..." He had tears in his eyes too!
"Oh god...I love you still Yami," I said, using his nickname, "I'm just...so confused and hurt and I don't understand what's going on in my head right now...I can't eat, I get so nervous that I throw up every time I do," I sat up, and nuzzled his chest, "I can't stop crying, I can't do anything anymore..."
Matt put his arms around me. "I'm here for you," he said, brushing a hand through my hair. I sniffled and looked up at him gratefully.
"You'll really be with me the whole way?" I asked. He nodded at me with a serene glaze over his eyes.
"Absolutely." I had missed the way I felt in Matt's arms. I felt safe, and warm. I snuggled a little closer and allowed myself to smile for the first time in 2 weeks.
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