Trees: The Power to Resist Titling This “To Hug or Not to Hug” - Page Two
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Oh, you are cool with tree huggers? (If you’re not, go away. Don’t read anymore.) But I’m sure that most likely you’d still look askew at people that hug trees for no particular reason? Ok, fine. I’m going to be kind to you for a couple minutes and then if you still think that then I’m going to call you an idiot and then flush you down some big toilet like the old sock that you have mental capacities in common with.
Friends are wonderful things, you’ll agree of course. Unless you don’t have any friends, in which case you wouldn’t know anything about it. But the reason they are so wonderful is because you can go sit next to them and tell them whatever and hug them and kiss them and they’ll still like you. That’s what’s so great about real friends. But often you have to work for friendship. If you’re thinking, “But I didn’t work for my friends, I’m just so awesome that they came over and became my friend without my having to lift my fat ugly little finger”, you’re an idiot. Those aren’t REAL friends. You lose that pretty little car and those credit cards, or gain a couple pounds and can’t be cheerleader anymore, those “friends” of yours will be long gone. But don’t despair; they weren’t “real” ones anyway. And besides which, just go outside into your front or back yard and there will be an abundance of lovely little things that’ll accept you no matter how little money you have or how many pounds you’ve put on. Even if you live inside a housing complex that’s a part of urban sprawl and the only trees you’ve got are weenie ones, that’s ok. They’ll grow. And you can go sit next to them and tell them whatever (unless for whatever reason you’re against talking to inanimate things. You can talk to the dryad that lives in even the weenie trees that live in the suburbs. Even weenie trees have dryads. That’s how cool trees are. And if you listen in the right frame of mind, you’ll hear the dryad talking back. I’m just kidding, but that’d be cool.) And you can hug them and kiss them and they’ll still like you. Just like my real friends. And…you were nodding your head and smiling! And…I said “hug”…and you nodded! You just nodded to hugging trees for what would seem to be no particular reason, at least no particular reason for idiots!
So, if hugging the little weenie trees in your backyard is ok, it must be REALLY ok to hug big beautiful forest-y ones. But if the people keep cutting them down, there won’t be any more of those left. And if you don’t have any friends, that can’t be good for you because you won’t even have trees to accept you. So get yourself out there and hug those trees. Or at least don’t make fun of people that do. Except for that Julia Hill person who lived in that tree. She’s an idiot. She only did it for the attention. And that’s not cool, that’s just sad.
