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My dearest someone, I have this really cool green pen, and you know it's gotta be really cool or else I wouldn't say that because that's not something I'd do, and I was gonna write in that but then it'd be corny 'cause you'd know I have a green pen, and to tell you about my green pen using my green pen is about as lame as the person that invented monkey cheese telling me not to use it while she's using it herself, and what's really strange is that I'm the one that came up with it so it's like me telling myself not to use something I came up with for me to use, and now that I think about it, they're not alike at all, the green pen and the cheese, unless I think about it some more and the green intermixes giving me the moon, oh lovely moon, and then I really do go moony as I think of those two guys that also intermix and twine, intertwine in my brain because I like the word twine and use it as often as I can just so I can say I do to you, and the two guys are no longer distinguishable although one rules over all cheese, even Swiss cheese, which is difficult to rule, and the other obeys to the letter, or hole or whatever cheese uses to communicate, one superior hunk of stanky cheese he calls "el queso" although those two words comprise all the words in the language he knows and ever will know unless he marries a mysterious Spaniard or a not so mysterious Mexican, and it's not meant to be racist at all because just look at how many Mexican people you know and how few Spaniards, and you know the more rare something is, the cooler it seems, and that's why British accents are so cool, we're not used to hearing them all the time, and that's why the fishies aren't as amazed at stuff like electric eels yet that's all the little kids want to see when they go to Sea World except perhaps Shamu although I for one don't see what's so great about that whale because all it is is a big black and white fish, and even though I know the attractiveness of black and white, and you do too because that's the only reason you're actually enjoying this unless there's some other reason and if you're a kind sweet person you'll tell me about your enjoyment because that's almost like my salary and I got joy out of making you happy, but how would I ever know you like it unless you told me that my insulting you is funny because I have all these stupid so called comebacks even if I'm not coming anywhere because I didn't go anywhere and even though my comebacks are funny, you won't laugh at them, you'll just roll your eyes and pretend like you're better than me even though you're not 'cause Walt Whitman told me so, and he's always right because he's old, dead, famous, and most importantly, white, because as we all know and have been taught, white people are always right, and my saying that is only further proof to the fact because I myself am not white nor am I inclined in any way to look at white people in a better light than anyone else on the planet, and really they're going down in my opinion simply because of the fact that the topic of white people is wrapping my sentence up into a nice little package and even if I said that as sarcastically as possible, I wouldn't be comforted because first of all, sarcasm isn't my forte, and I certainly am not gonna pretend that it is, and secondly, no one would laugh because no one would get it, except for maybe some idiot that laughs annoyingly and pretends to care, and what the worst thing about this sort of person is that there's no way for me to fight them because most likely they'll be white, simply because most everyone is, and how am I supposed to tell them they're wrong when I just showed how they're always right, and when they have the power to do really bad things to me like taking away my green pen? |