So what to talk about?
hmmm. . . *twiddling thumbs*. . .
So I was thinking about something the other day. . .
that thing that countless songs have cruned about. . .
numerous poems have been scratched onto paper feverishously. .
trillions of people humbled. . .
lives changed. . .
yes. .
love
So what is it about love that claims so many victims? Perhaps I should clarify. While I do love people- family, friends, etc. . .I have never been “in love”. What exactly does “in love” mean? I have had many crushes which I have found evidence proclaimed in hidden places of my room years later. . . I’ve lusted after people, but not loved.
why you might ask? I don’t know. . .
I’ve seen it bring my friends joy. . . incredible pain. . .confusion. . .heart aches. . .
So why would I want this when everyday I wake up and smile and laugh without it?
Could I be happier? hmmmm. . . perhaps. . . I suppose I would have to be. . .isn’t that what being “in love” is all about.
I don’t believe that I have ever professed being in love with someone. Although perhaps Bekks can enlighten me on that. I’m sure that there are things I don’t remember in the last nine years that she does. . .
So perhaps I’m a complete chicken in this love business. . .most likely. . .so after the most horrible, tramatizing date ever I’ve decided that dating is not for me. . . have I made this decision hastily? Most definitely. . .I’ll just have to think of something else to call it. The word “date” just brings chills to my spine. . .not good chills. . .
The whole concept of a first date just sounds horrible. I don’t want to learn about someone when I go on the first . . . hmmm. . .get together. . I want to already know the basic stuff. Let’s just have fun. Hang out. I mean really isn’t the whole point to be friends. Doesn’t it work better that way? Then go on from there. . .perhaps that was a complete chick statement. I have a feeling it was. . .
. . .I personally like excitement and new things but I have to be familiar with parts. For example: actually I don’t have an example. .how like me. . .*wink* okay how about this. . .when I first went to college everything was new. Everything. I wasn’t even in the same area of the country. . .nothing was the same. . .people, weather, town(which they claim is a city I heard). That makes me nervous. I love college now, but that first month I hated not knowing where anything was. Everyday i wake up to a new day. Isn’t that exciting? I don’t know I can’t explain it. I’m doing a horrible job I know. . .the whole point is. . .well I don’t remember the point of that whole tangent either. . . I’m being to sound like George(chem prof). . .oh great. . .
so where was I? love. . . oh excuse me. . “in love”. . .
Do I have any other thoughts on this? hmmmm. . . it all seems like a pain in the ass, but I’m sure it’s worth it.
I have seen a friend of mine fall completely in love over and over and over again. I don’t know how she does it. I can’t tell if she’s really “in love” like I think of it or if perhaps her meaning is different. . . I worry about her though. . .I consider being in love the ultimate. . .holding nothing back I suppose. . .and she does it so easily. So completely.
I also hear about people not really being themselves. Changing who they are for someone else. I don’t get that. Why would you be someone you’re not? How can that be any fun at all? It can’t. . . .but this is all too deep
YUCK!
hmmm. . . I must be getting high of off the paint fumes in my room. Perhaps I should hit the sack. I guess I’ll go scout out another bed somewhere in the house. Toss Scott out of his bed . . . actually he’s too heavy for me to do that. Today I’m sitting in a big arm chair minding my own business reading Time Magazine when he comes over and sits on me. Purposely making it impossible to read. I think he weighs a ton. So I’m gasping for air. . .and my mom happens in the room. . .and she says Scott get off your sister. . .you’re crushing her. . look at her. . I can barely see her. . she’s delicate. Now some of you don’t get that. No one in my family is delicate. They’re all giants. . .well I’m the shrimp but even I’m at least normal height. speaking of tons. . today I’m watching this show on white sharks. . .very cool. . . except for the fact that I’m trying to eat a tuna sandwich and they keep showing these images of sharks killing elephants umm. . . seals? Well seals anyway. . .and it was kind of hard to choke down my sandwich after that. . but they had some cool footage of this one big ass shark leaping out and attacking a surf board(no there was no one on it. . . they were just luring in the sharks to get photos). . very neat! So this one shark is 18 ft long! can you imagine that. 18 ft! Yikes. . that’s about three of my mom. More than three of me. Less than threeof Scott. . . about a trillion of Saraa or Carrie. . hee hee. . .sorry just had to add that in. *wink*
So the conclusion of this issue is don’t fall in love with Sharks. . . wait a minute. . .I don’t think that’s what it is. Oh well. . . I don’t think that there is a conclusion or meaning to any of these issues. Thank God! I wouldn’t want anyone to be thinking of my topics. . .they shouldn’t be that deep. Although I’m afraid that this one is. . .Mi dispiace i miei amici. . .
Hope you all are having a pleasant day.
Smile!
ci vediamo
-Mare
p.s. I’ll try not to be so thoughtful next time. . .in fact I don’t even think I want to read over this one. . .I’ll just send it un-cut. The director’s version.