The Sad & the Pathetic: Issue 22

Hello my dear children of the sun,

How might we be this fine evening? Wow how sad and pathetic a greeting is this?  
Mary refuses to publish anyone’s letter to the editor in the sad and pathetic issues.  
How rude!  --Emma

Well as you can see Emma has gotten onto my computer. Just another love note from 
Emma. How sweet. 

So I have a joke for you. Are you ready? Probably not.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of your Jack-o-Lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pie. 

Pretty bad huh?

	So I’m reading this short little news letter called “Can We Talk?” It’s cute. The 
article today was someone rambling on about how the word “should” is a horrid word 
and needs to be taken out of the English language. She believes that everyone 
should(heehee) replace the word with “llama”. I like that idea. I llama go to bed. I 
llaman’t have this second piece of cake. Definitely an idea that made my issue 
anyway. 
	I saw the Zumbyes tonight and of course the notable Noteables. These would 
be a capella groups. The first a male group from Amherst and the second from Smith. I 
of course just adore a capella music and the fact that they are guys just makes it even 
better. One girl standing next to me said. . “that one is mine” I said, “Oh you think so? 
He’s mine.” Later on I asked her which one we were fighting over to be informed that 
“the one with the glasses” was the one. Which is the one I actually do think is good 
looking although there was another one that wasn’t too bad. .  oh and by the way. .  he 
is mine.  

So here are a few post Halloween treats for you that won’t give you a toothache. 
Why Trick or Treating is better than sex. .  (I actually received two different lists)

a)The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
b)It's OK when the person you are with fantasizes you're someone else, 
because you are.
c)If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
d)YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

Since Emma is having such a difficult time with my not publishing her letter . . so here it 
is ladies and germs

Mar"e"

Six words: "too much time on your hands!" Ahh!  Anyway, I am hurt that you 
did not include our little "ghost" discussion last night outside of you 
room.  I thought is was pretty halrious, espcially when Carrie and Adia 
started to actually freak out.  But, I guess you are the true oz and only 
somethings get through to your massive mailing list. ho hum. Time for 
another enjoyable lunch!

Em

	So first of all. . . she claims that I have too much time on my hands .  . 
well if I had so much time then I would have talked about everything that
 happened, but as it is I apparently don't’ have enough time. Secondly. .  
honey. . your spelling is atrocious. . two words: “spell check!” 
Our ghost discussion. .  that would be the lot of you standing outside my door 
talking about how you were going to scare each other and then focusing on 
scaring me. . to which my response was something like, “Oh hell no. . . think 
again. I’ll whoop your ass if you try that with me.” So . .  have I delved 
into enough detail for you Emma? Apple of my eye? 
	Enough of that. Well apparently Jesse has been slapping the women of 
Boston around. Why do I know this? I asked how he was doing I believe. He’s 
obviously never heard of “law suit” along with my friend who was offended that
 her huge ice slide did not sound “safe”. Maybe the two of you should get 
together and look up a lawyer. 
	Well last weekend was Halloween. I hope you all dressed up and had a 
blast. I certainly had an interesting evening. I’m going to completely skip 
Friday night because that in itself deserves a paragraph on it’s own and I’m 
not ready for that. Saturday night Adia and I go over to UMASS(University of 
Massachusetts for those of you who didn’t know that) to see a volleyball game 
which we trekked all over the campus to find that the gym we were looking for 
was right next to the bus stop. Not only was a guy at the game dressed in a 
huge diaper. . but on the way back the bus was filled. Why you ask? (yes Tony 
I’m supplying you with a question to ask because you’re going to get the 
answer anyway. I thought this time you’d like to know what I was answering) 
The guys are there to go to our beloved Smith. .  for the Immorality party. 
What is the Immorality party? Basically a whole bunch of women dressed in as 
little as possible. I fear that I have witnesses what many guys dream of, 
including Jamie. So these guys are all talking about the stories that they 
have heard about Immorality. .  all of which are true. . and yes if 
Northampton wasn’t a little bubble most of the people would have been 
arrested. So back to my story. . . I end up meeting some guy on the bus who is 
from Texas. .  hmmmm. .  but that’s not of consequence since he lives as far 
from me in Texas as I am from college to my aunt in Maine. Anyhoo. .  Adia and 
I get back to Smith and get dressed up in our garb. And by this time the party
 had been closed because guys(who are stupid) decided to get in by breaking 
windows and duh. .  campus security made everyone leave. So the whole gang of 
us decided to walk into town for ice cream. . . that was most likely my idea. 
. now picture this. . . say 6 women. . dressed “up” I personally am wearing a 
mask that I painted on myself and red lipstick. . .Saraa is in a Pebbles 
costume the rest of us are in black. It was priceless. I don’t think any other 
group of women in the whole of Smith College got stared at more. At least not 
a group that I was in. Some guy in his car. . while we’re crossing the street 
barks at us. Not just one bark either. So we go in to the ice cream parlor. . 
nice family store eh? hahahaha. . .oops. . not anymore. . . on the way out the 
same guy in his car who barked at us is now following us. I have to say my ice 
cream was delicious. I don’t believe that I will go into the rest of the 
evening except to say. . . . I don’t think I have ever seen that one girl so 
drunk. .  and I hope that she has no clue what she was doing when she woke up 
the next day. I wouldn’t want to remember. 
	I am now going to rest my weary head and I shall return to read this 
manana. 
	Well I’m back. It’s been two days. . . and I’m too lazy to reread this although 
I did skim it. I have to go to a house meeting. . woohoo?? Not quite.  

Have a lovely day y’all
ci vediamo
-Mare