The Sad & the Pathetic: Issue 24

Well I have nothing clever to say. . . 

	Not that I ever do or that it stops me, but I try. .sometimes.  We had Winter 
Weekend. Woohoo *rolling eyes and twirling finger*  I see the first-years running 
around trying to figure out what they are going to wear. Searching for a date. 
Someone. Anyone. Thinking. . everyone else will have a date. Wrong. There are no 
guys around here. The only ones I’ve seen are either gay. . or afraid of those who are 
gay. And the ones who aren’t gay think that everyone at Smith is gay, or are just trying 
to get laid whether everyone here is gay or not. So obviously I have not found anyone 
even half way worth the trouble. While the idea of Winter weekend is a good one, and 
if I had a boyfriend or rather as I like to say a “special” friend to go with I might consider 
paying the overly priced ten dollars to listen to a bad DJ play bad music. The idea of 
dressing up to pay for something to dance with my friends does not really excite me 
because I can dance with my friends anytime.  This is a fact. There are too many 
women at Smith sometimes. While I have seen some women with a much greater 
testosterone level than some of the guys I know. . I do appreciate this attempt to get a 
masculine feel. . I have been tricked sometimes. . but in the end it’s just not the same. 
	I watched Breakfast at Tiffanys this weekend. Cute movie. At one point the main 
characters go into Tiffanys and ask if they sell anything for under ten dollars which 
apparently they do, a dialer, for the person who has everything. Well I don't have 
everything, but as fate has it I was thrown into a jewelry store that very evening and I 
could not help but ask if they sold anything under ten dollars. Apparently they do but 
they have no phone dialers. That’s a travesty.
	Thanksgiving was fun. My mom planned every second of everyday. Hmmm. . . 
so I changed most of it around.  Although the very first morning, my brother deems me 
worthy of one of his special get ups. So here is my awakening. Scott comes into my 
room and climbs on top of me. That’s right. All 6’8’’ of him. Now I’m not a completely 
weak person so as long as he doesn’t move much I can pretty much go back to sleep. 
This is something I have picked up from being able to always sleep through any class 
at any point even while walking to class. Then he realizes this isn't working and starts 
squirming.  . . .I did try this to him once and he didn’t even notice I was there, but I 
cannot ignore him. I mean you can’t miss the boy.  So he then starts trying to peel my 
lids open. This is a very painful experience.  I’m fighting with him to get him off of 
me. I, of course, feel that it is my duty to yell out "Mom!" Unfortunately our house is too 
freaking big for her to hear me in the kitchen with the rest of the masses in there trying 
to tell her something. So I finally manage to win. Of course I always win. And Emma 
wonders why she never has a chance when she starts something with me. Oh give me 
a break. 
	Thanksgiving was me filming my family and trying to capture some stupid 
moments. I thought I would put the transcript up on some of the shots. 
Scott is filming. . me.
Scott:”And look here. . every person’s. . .man’s dream”
Me:”Do you want me to come over there and kick your ass?”

I am filming my family and then a close up of Scott
me:”Alright everyone. . Do something stupid so Mary can get an A on her project. Scott 
dance for me.”(he proceeds to dance)
(family lining up for a “couples” shot)
Scott:”They are all old, and they all smell. This is camera z28, lens 12w. Reporting. . 
Ahhh!”

	On Tuesday in one of my classes we watched part of Bambi.  There is a scene 
where this owl is being bothered by all these birds who are in love I guess. Mating 
season. So he proceeds to tell Bambi, Thumper, and Flower that the birds are 
“twitterpated.” This is my new word. Add it to your dictionary between “twit” and “two.”
	We had our last soccer game on Wednesday. Against the ESS grad students 
again, no less. This means that they are all going to be coaches probably,  all 
they do all day is play sports. This means that we don’t have a chance. Our last game 
against them ended with a (0-5). I’ll let you guess which team won. Well this game we 
were on fire. I, by some miracle, scored the first goal. It was awesome. Carrie then 
scored the second.  By the way we had only five players which is the minimum. We are 
all playing a straight game and they are switching left and right. Well after the first 
minute where we were stars they started scoring. I lost count after four goals. I 
personally liked our time outs. Sorry, but we have to stop the game for a second. I 
have to give rescue breathing to one of my team mates. We all come away from these 
games with large bruises. They are refreshed. So I’m a wimp. You want to take me 
on? Yeah, that’s what I thought, punk. Ow. . I stubbed my toe.
	I like my particularly deep comments today. Yes I do amuse myself. What can I 
say. .  I’m almost never bored.  So my comment. “Ow. . Adia. . my chair is hard.” This is 
after proceeding to bang my leg into it while coming to see what Adia was talking about.  

Here’s a quote that Tony shared with me.
“If one is really a superior person, the fact is likely to leak out without too much assistance.”
				-John Andrew Holmes

Allora. . Basta!
I am done with this. I don’t feel that I have captured the truly random funniness that is S&P. 
Oh well. .  hopefully you will deal and give me something to write about.
Have a nice day
ci vediamo
-mare

Have you gotten ten hugs today?