The Sad & the Pathetic: Issue 29

Sheesh. . Another one? 28th? 29th?

My choices are to go finish my book and fall asleep. . . 
Or 
To write a S&P and then go to lunch with my parents. 

Here I am. 

So I spent the night at a friend's house last night. She asked me. . "You 
tossed and turned a lot last night. . did you have a bad dream?" Is my name 
Mary? Those are my gifts. What a silly question. Speaking of questions. .. I 
was playing around on the internet with a friend filling out personality 
tests and the like. . .We get to one and it asks random questions and then 
associates it to something. .. they are silly. .At this point I didn't know 
what the test was for. . I click "results" and it says. ."You will be a 
great mother. . blah blah blah." Hey now! What did I do to the test? Hmmm. . 
.so I fill out the next one. "You will have six children." Ahhhhhh! That was 
enough test taking for me. 

I have this route I take around the neighborhood when I go crawling. There 
are three dogs that I usually pass by in the course of my panting and I've 
named two of them. The first one I pass by twice because I go in a loop. 
It's an old dog and it barks when it feels like it. I named this one Chuck. 
He has one of those invisible fences that is electronic. So they leave their 
gate open all the time. The second one is a young pup. He's very excitable 
and is just waiting for me as I round the block. He follows me along the 
fence barking violently. As long as he can see me. . he's causing a ruckus. 
I asked Tony to help me come up with a name. Toby. ..Gilbert. . . Gilbert? 
What kind of name is that? Sheesh. . You think you know people. . . So his 
best suggestion was Banana Pancakes. I can call him BP for short. We'll see. 
The third dog is vicious. He's the same kind of dog as Spud McKenzie. (Am I 
spelling that right? Probably not) Mean thing. I'm very glad they have a 
tall fence. That thing would go for my jugular if he could. His name is Max. 
"Come stai, Maximo? Sto bene? Bravo. Ciao." He loves me. Yeah. ..sure. . his 
teeth sinking into my flesh maybe. 

Hold on. .. .I don't know. Try your thigh or something. Phone. Well it's 
official. My aunt is nuts. Yes, I love you too Betsy. This is a usual call. 
. . 
"Hello." 
"Is this the world famous Mary Hardenbergh?" 
"Who? I think you have the wrong number." 
Blah blah blah. . 
"Is it hard being perfect?" 

Now that question right there. ..  just shows that she and my mom are 
related. Perfect. .  sheesh. Doesn't anyone say no to crack anymore? No one 
in my family obviously. 

Why is it with guys that if they ask you a question and you tell them the 
answer that they won't believe you if that's not what they want to hear? My 
brother. . 'Mary, Do you have any note cards?' No. 'Yes, you do. I saw them 
in here.' What were you doing in my room? 'Nothing. Can I have some note 
cards?' If I had any I'd give them to you, but since I don't; I can't. 
(I don't even use note cards. . so why would I have any? Because he wants me to) 

How many conversations can I reproduce? Tons. My usual brain that can 
remember what someone said three months ago, but I can't remember a formula 
in math that I learned two weeks ago. It's all about what we want to 
remember, I guess. Brains are weird. "This is your brain. This is your brain 
on drugs." 

I'm supposed to cook dinner tonight. Well not supposed to, but I offered 
because occasionally I like to make a mess in a new place. Stir up a little 
trouble. I'm making fajitas. One of my dishes. In sixth grade, Bekks and I 
wanted to go out to dinner; but my mom said that we were going to eat at 
home. So we decided to cook dinner. Chicken Alfredo. . . mmm. . . good 
stuff. My mom tells us the cooking directions over the phone. And we cook up 
a storm. Brown the floor, cook the noodles. . mix in the can of mushroom 
soup. . and whatever else. I haven't attempted to make it since then so some 
of that could be wrong. Well let me just tell you. . .very scary. I don't 
know what we did, but it was very very very wrong. Hahahaha. . .. . We ended 
up with this nasty gray matter. Let's just say that we ended up going out to 
dinner. And with all the people who have faith in my cooking. . Jean says 
today. . "You're cooking dinner?" I said, "Are you scared?" She says, "No, 
I'm not eating it."
 "Hey now!" 
Hmmmm. .. 

Alright. … I'm must be off otherwise I have three huge mouths gaping open . 
. "Where is dinner, Mary?" "Mary, I'm hungry." "When's dinner?" ahhhh!  Hmm. 
.  .poison. .. . *steepling fingers together like Mr. Burns* Excellent. . 
just excellent. 

Have a great day. 
*big hug* 
ci vediamo 
-Mare