The Sad & the Pathetic: Issue 30

Well I'm back from a brief jaunt to Chicago. I had a nice tour at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. My tour guide was originally from Virginia and went to school in California. Like I couldn't tell. . . Dude. ..there was something else he said. I thought it was pretty funny. . if I wasn't so senile maybe I would remember. I saw Jerry Springer at the Cheesecake Factory. That was definitely the highlight of my trip. The man is just the pinnacle of what is wrong with our society. Well maybe not. .. My mother just said, "Help me out oh pearl of wisdom." ?? Don't ask. I don't. So while looking at the Museum of the Art Institute of Chicago, I was informed by Mark. . ..the ever knowledgeable. .. ."You know, you're really slow sometimes." Hmmmm. . slow, huh? Thanks a bunch. So later we're at a store and he's buying something. . they want his name and address. .. probably so that they can send him useless junk in the mail. . Salesman: "What's your name?" Mark: "Mark Somethingorother" . . . Me: "Wait. . Your name is Mark?" Mark: "I told you it was." The salesman is looking at me very confused. I could only stand it so long before I smiled and winked. Mark: "You. . .are not allowed to ask any more questions. Actually Mark isn't my first name. Do you know what it is?" Me: "Dork?" Mark: "Hmmm. . ." Me: "Dweeb? Oh I know, Brat." Mark: "Nope, it's Marco." Me: "Wrong, it's Brat." Just so you realize that it is possible that I'm making most of this up. Who knows what really happened. After all. .. I am slow. I thought I was only senile. . … but I was wrong. Top 7.5 things to do in Chicago. 1. Kick Mark 2. Look really smart and try three different ways to get on the el before someone takes pity on you and shows you how. 3. Play a didjerido. 4. Watch the Simpsons. 5. See if anybody knows what the big red building is. . 6. Stalk Jerry Springer. 7. Watch the Matrix on Joe's DVD player. Surround sound. . 7.5 E t s u f d p z a. .. M m m m m. . I ' s g o . So the question is, "Did I convince the Art Institute that they have to have me?" I don't know. I think that blank check helped. It probably won't help if I only have $4.34 cents in the account though. Oh well . . . . I got to see the fountain that is in the credits of Married with Children. Yeah! What else did I do? My mom asked me when I came home if I saw the el. I was confused (as usual). Did I see the el? What is that supposed to mean? I was on it. Does that count? Parents. .. I guess I'll see if any of my pictures came out in a couple of hours. A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here is the winner: 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.) So I leave Monday for Costa Rica. So far I am to bring back five guys and four girls. Tomorrow is the last day for orders. So far I have Adia: I guy Carrie: 1 guy Bekks: 1 guy Me: 2 guys Richard: 1 girl Josh: 3 girls And the sad thing? Josh wants one for cleaning, one for cooking, and one to go out and get a job to support him. Sheesh. …Carrie sent me a little e-mail the first sentence is "I called, but your brother said, you were out bar hopping with some guys that you picked up while on a run." Hmmm. . . If anyone is doing the picking up it's the guys in the ambulance that are scraping my sorry hide off the pavement. Now. . . for those of you that like Mark need to be dragged out of bed to go see a museum. . . here is a site that won't even make you leave the house. Make sure to definitely check out the storm damage that happened on the 26th of December. It's absolutely incredible. Well enough blabbering for today. I'm going to pick up my pictures and see if any turned out. Cross your fingers. *big hug* Have a great day. Ci vediamo -Mare

Email: mindless_1@excite.com