The Sad & the Pathetic: Issue 35

Hello my lil children of the corn,

	My hands are freezing. I’d wear gloves, but it’s too difficult to type with them on. The fingers
 are too long and they just make a mess on the keyboard. And I already have enough trouble as it is.
 (Yes, I have tried it before) 
	Carrie and I went to see Cowboy Junkies tonight. It was fun, but every time I go to a concert
 I always end up with some tall guy right in front of me, which just ticks me off. I mean. . .here I am.
 . . . unable to find a guy in the entire New England area that has any height at all. .. and he shows up
 with his girlfriend to stand in front of me. hmmm. . . nice. .see this time, tall wasn’t the problem. I
 had a short guy in front of me with a cowboy hat on. Now maybe it’s just me, but I thought that
 there was an unwritten rule that says, “take off your hat when you’re indoors.” I’m obviously not
 aware of cowboy hat rules in the NE area. What would I know? I’m only from THE COWBOY HAT
 wearing state. Us country girls don’t know anything about big city folk. Yeah right. 30,000 people is
 really a city. sheesh. . ..and then there was Mr.Charming right behind me. He’s the bastard son of
 Prince Charming. This guy would do a bird call in the middle of a song and then this weird cat
 screeching noise. Don’t ask. He also either had a breathing problem or my neck and left ear were in
 his way. hmmm. ..Adia asked me if I told him off. No. That’s why I keep Adia and Bekks around.
 They’re the ones who take care of me when someone needs to be put in their place. Adia suggested
 “That’s why you do the ‘grab and pull.’” Ummm. . yuck. Other than Mr. Dreamboat it was good.
 Unfortunately I missed the a Capella concert they had at JMG. That stinks. I told Adia to give any
 hot guys my number. Did she? No. I swear. . . . and she calls me a friend. I’d pick up a guy for her. I
 could always use one of my great lines like, “So you’re reading a book. You must be smart or
 something, huh?” or “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?” How about?
 “Hey baby, I may not be a Flintstone, but I know how to rock your bed.” *wiping tear away* Soooo
 beautiful. 
	I was checking my phone messages the other day. Yes. Shock. I know. (but what’s the point? I
 mean really. . all I get are forwards from Hilary, the house president and Emily, the RC of the
 house. Resident coordinator? RC Cola?) I actually got a real message! *gasp* I’m still surprised.
 This is the second real message I have gotten this year. One was from Emma earlier in February,
 and that wasn’t even off campus. Yes, I get wistful just thinking about it. . . . .someone I’m not
 related to actually wants to talk to me and they don’t even need to borrow a CD or money or find
 some obscure item, like the cap of their blue pen. *choking back tears* So I guess this means that
 I’ll have to wait until next year to get another real phone message. Of course, with Adia doing my
 message. . . “Hi, this is Mare Hardenbergher. I’m at the rodeo right now, if you’re a real cowboy leave
 me a message and I’ll get back to you. Yeehaw!” what kind of message can I expect. *shaking head* I
 swear. You’d think that when you let someone do your outgoing message for you they would at least
 remember to pick up a hot guy for you! It’s not like she doesn’t know my number. 	
	Friday. I come down for lunch and I’ve decided to go to the track and watch people jog around
 it and wistfully imagine myself jogging as well without having to stop every thirty seconds to catch
 my breath. And Batinah tells me that she’s going with her Spanish class to the Dalí exhibit in
 Hartford. Well I ended up going. I actually was all ready to go to the track. . . headphones, sports bra,
 .  . . .I wasn’t even wearing real pants. Just spandex like pants only cloth. Got me? Not shiny. It
 ends up her professor is pretty cute. Very weird. The man can not drive. Although he’s not as scary
 as Adia. (Don’t huff at me Adia. Yes, I can hear you.You’re so cute.) He liked to sit with the van in
 reverse so that it would beep. Just to drive his students crazy. I thoroughly enjoyed it. If you
 think about it. There is no point in doing things like that if you don’t get a good reaction. That’s why
 I have to come up with new things for Adia all the time. Tonight, I convinced Lisa that I had been
 watching just the last ten minutes of about twenty movies instead of just watching one. Now that
 was funny. So back to Dalí. *drooling* I could have stayed there all day everyday until I wanted to heave 
I was so tired of Dalí. The man was crazy, but so talented. I wanted to get a calendar(I’m still
 working on last years. It’s bad news. Right now I’m on December because the days and numbers match
 up with March. . very sad. ), but they didn’t have any. (booo. . hissss. . .) I did get a poster though.
 It’s cool. Oh man. . I was in heaven. I really want to go back. It ends the 26th of March. hmmm. . . .
 So theoretically I could go back the Sunday I get back from Spring Break. . .or the Friday after I
 get back from Spring Break. The question is. How am I going to get there? Ah ha! If Adia had picked
 up a hot guy for me maybe he would have a had a sweet car and we could have gone. But no. Forget
 poor little lonely Mary. All she needed was a hot guy with a lot of money and a really cool car. I’m not
 asking for much. I don’t need a guy with personality. The less the personality the less likely that
 he would bother me at the museum. I’m not asking for a long term commitment here. Just a ride to
 the museum. Maybe a couple of hugs later. What’s a girl to do? Blame it on Adia. That’s what I’m
 doing. Good job. Thank you.
	Now for just a few random quotes that made me laugh. 
	
“Adia, will you rub my butt?” -Carrie
	(apparently Carrie has never had her butt rubbed and most likely never will by Adia, especially
	 given her response, Carrie thinks it would feel good. .(which reminds me of Married with
	 Children)

“Hmmm. . I can’t remember it too well. .and it’s not funny the way I’m remembering it.”-Mark
(I like this one because it’s so true of life. Especially mine. You laugh. . and when you try to tell
 someone else the joke they don’t think it’s funny because you didn’t tell it right. He obviously has
 more insight than I do.)

(The quote he was trying to remember was from the Onion about the war in Chechnya)
“I feel close to this issue on a personal level, as I have a next-door neighbor who is from a country
 I’ve never heard of and don’t care about.”

	Last but not least I must mention a little episode on Thursday night. There was senior pub
 over at Davis(the student center) and some a capella groups were singing there. Most notably, one
 from UMASS of the male species. I had almost forgotten what they were, but I do look them up on
 the internet and at the library in an encyclopedia to remind myself what one looked like. Rachel,
 today, came back from a conference and said, “there were guys there.” “Guys?” “yeah, you remember.”
 “hmmm” “They are hairy and have shorter hair cuts usually.” ahhhhh. . . Back to the story. . So we
 went and got squashed into a booth. They sang. .  not too bad. I, of course made comments
 throughout, “Oh my gosh, I just love N’SYNC; that’s who they are right?.” As well as others. Emma
 kept threatening me. After we had decided who was the hottest. ..and that the guy with the
 undershirt on was from 98 degrees. . . A Smith group decided to thrill us with their voices. I begged
 Adia to let me out. Have mercy! But, again, no. I really need to redefine the word “friend”. They
 were better than last year, I have to say. I liked someone’s hat that looked like a frog.  After they
 were finished Emma dragged me outside my my arm. .and then started throwing dirty snow at me.
 Alright. . I don’t think so. So I got two chunks of ice. This isn’t soft powdery stuff. It’s nasty hard
 ice. She sees this and runs back into Davis. The whole place is still full of people. I chunk one at
 her and miss. Alas. . .but I didn’t want to hit anyone else. I’m being careful! Adia starts helping
 Emma. .”Quick Emma. . I have her.” As she holds me back. What is that about? After about fifteen
 minutes of running in circles, dodging chairs and people. I land one on her foot. Emma runs into some
 girl leaving and she gets ticked at her. hahaha. . .Emma(to me)-”That girl got mad at you.” Adia-”No,
 she got mad at you, Emma.”  Me-”hahahaha”
:-)
It’s a beautiful life. 

Now I know this was extremely long. . . but I did leave a lot out. Have a great day everyone.

*big hug*
ci vediamo
-Mare