The Sad & the Pathetic: Issue 44

Hello my Dand-e-lions, 

            How might my buds be doing? Fourth of July hopping, perhaps? Luckily I got to see two
 fireworks shows. Very cool. I have been having what almost resembles an actual life. Shocking I
 know. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. I saw the Patriot with Tara a week ago.
 Extremely bloody and gory. There were times when I had to turn away, but the story worked for me.
 There was a point in the movie where ole Mel is tricking someone and I figured out exactly what was
 going on, so I started laughing and since I rarely laugh quietly. . . I'm sitting in a packed theatre
 laughing my head off for about 5 minutes before everyone else got it and started laughing too. I'm
 sure the couple next to me thought I was crazy as a loon. There was another point in the movie
 where both Tara and I laughed, we can't figure out what happened. I just remember that it was an
 extremely nasty scene. Let me just say that the scene where a cannon ball is making it's way
 through the battle field is very gross. Popcorn is not a good idea for this flick. I had never realized
 that the cannon ball kept going after it hit the ground. I just figured it buried itself in the ground.
 Wrong. I had agreed to go see this movie with Tara only if she let me whistle and call out cheesy
 pick-up lines to the screen. Unfortunately it was not that type of movie. Alas. . . . there wasn't
 even so much as the hint of nudity. I was shocked. Oh well, I will have to wait until I finally get to
 see Deuce Bigalo, Male Gigolo. 
               I actually went on a "date" Sunday night. It was so pathetic that I think I took two
 steps back in the dating process. This guy was unbelievable. Unfortunately, he wasn't unbelievably
 awesome. I barely knew him, but he asked for my phone number so I said, sure. .. . I agreed to meet
 him at a movie theatre. And you're asking, "Mary, who is this guy?" I met him while I was putting air
 in my tires the day before. So we met at the theatres. I couldn't get the guy to carry on a
 conversation, but when he did talk it was about: 
1)trucks 
  a)his trucks 
  b)other people's trucks 
  c)how he could fix up my "truck" 
2)He never went to the movies. 
   a)didn't have time. 
     1)too busy working on his trucks. 
   b)probably fall asleep during this one.(at this point I'm thinking I could have come alone and had more fun) 
3)Didn't like living in Dallas 
   a)he doesn't actually live in Dallas, he lives in Lewisville, but he's not from Dallas so how would he know? 
   b)wants to go back to the boonies where he's from(whatever) 

            So you're thinking, well at least you got a free movie. Wrong. He didn't even offer to pay
 for my ticket. Now don't get me wrong here. I certainly don't mind paying my way, but I prefer a
 guy to at least try to buy it for me. Even better if he won't let me pay. Basically I forgot he was
 even there with me, which worked during the movie. At the end, we walked out. Did he walk me to my
 car? No. Where is this boy's momma? Didn't she teach him anything? He said, "I'll call you." I'm
 thinking, "Yeah. . . . you do that. I won't be picking up." *sigh*  And people wonder why I'm the
 Dateless Wonder. I prefer to hang with friends as opposed to that kind of thing. "But Mary that's
 just one bad apple. There are plenty more fish in the sea." Whatever. Hand me my hiking boots, I'm
 going across land. 
              A group of us tried to find a hot tub we could use Monday night. The problem was that it
 was at least 11 by the time some of us had borrowed bathing suits and gathered back at someone's
 apartment. I got to be fashionable in a black bathing suit with white polka dots. *hanging head* That
 is soooo not my style. Everyone is like, "Oh you look so cute!" Uh. . . yeah. . . sure. . . We went to at
 least two apartment complexes looking for one available. The first had people already swimming in
 it. The second, security guards were out and about. I stood with my towel under my shirt pretending
 to be pregnant. I was even working on my stance. I figure I might as well pretend since Adia is
 having all the kids I'll ever need to be an aunt to.  I have always been envious of Homer's large
 stomach and the way he can rest his beer can on this stomach when he's watching t.v. I may be
 marshmellowy goodness, but I can only aspire to have a stomach that big. I was testing the
 possibilities with my towel as my stomach. I stole Heather's water and it worked perfectly on my
 false stomach. Kristen even tested it out for softness. She said it was very comfortable to lay on.
 Very cool, huh? *wink* Someday I will be as cool as Scott, but that is far in the future. Yes,
 someday I will be Aunt Mary. As my lil hoodlums hurdle their bodies towards me as the door swings
 open. Oh, Scott will pay. "But Dad! Aunt Mary let's me! *huff* I want to go live with Aunt Mary.
 She loves me more than you." hahahahahaha. . . . . What do you think? I could be a cool aunt.  Adia, I
 want you to teach Scott's kids to huff like you. It's really cute. 
            My mom says I haven't been my usual cheerful, bubbly self since I've been home. She thinks
 it's sinuses and thought maybe I could go see this woman who does acupuncture. I'm cool with that.
 Then she says, oh and you'll have to strip down to your underwear. What? There are reasons why I
 choose the hideous polka dot ensemble (no offense Tara- it's just not me) as opposed to the bikini
 which was my other option. The polka dot suit had two strips across the stomach with mesh so you
 could see my stomach. I said, that the dwellers of the apartments where we were to hot tub would
 start calling the super intendant because they were awakened from a bright light coming from the
 direction of the pool. (That of course would be my pasty white perfection) Oh well. . . . the really
 scary thought is that this woman has got to have seen some scary stuff in her days. "Hey, you have a
 birthmark that looks like my mom" Ahhhh. . . . . but what's a little skin right? Just last night I told
 this guy Chris that what Tara and I had really been discussing while he was answering nature's call
 was whether I could convince him to strip down and run around neked. I bet ten bucks I could. he
 looked at me and replied, "Can I get half of that?" You bet, stud. 
               I think the best new thing I heard recently was the word trauma from Kristen. She uses
 it constantly and it just cracked me up. Let's not forget, "I had trauma in my ferna." You're
 thinking, 'ferna'? It's a word she made up. It can mean whatever you want it to mean. She's from
 California and the entire night I could see Adia using the word trauma. It was great. Craziness.
 Actually that whole night was craziness. At about 3:30 we split up and I went back to peel off my
 stunning fashion and replace it with my own boring outfit. It was suggested that I just stay over
 instead of driving back  home, but I quickly decided I'd rather sleep in my own bed. Heather says,
 "Really it's not problem." Tara says, no she just doesn't want to wake up at 9:30 in the morning. No
 kidding. As I'm replaying my awakening Saturday morning by Tara, which started off with her
 standing in the doorway calling my name, then comes the huge leap onto me followed by her
 declaration , "You're so cute." At 9 on a Saturday morning, you have to be warped to think I'm cute.
 And she is warped so it works out. Seeing as how there is no way I am going to arise with that
 greeting, she stands up and starts singing and jumping up and down on my bed. Was I in her way?
 Blocking her way to the bathroom or closet? No, no, no. And I call her friend, why? I eventually got
 up, drove home and like any intelligent person went back to sleep for most of the rest of the day,
 until I had to go over to someone else's house for the Fourth. I am  vampire. It explains a lot
 doesn't it? Except I'm not that keen on blood. I like my steak medium-well and not mooing on my
 plate. Speaking of mooing. . . . 
                 Emma's birthday is July 23. Oh my gosh. . .. My Dairy Queen is getting so old. And of
 course her twin sister, Lluvia's birthday is somewhere around there, but I'm not sure of the exact
 date. *wink* Don't forget that Cow Appreciation Day is July 15th. There is not way that it is a
 coincidence that Emma's birthday and cow appreciation day fall in the same month. You're wondering
 perhaps, why not the same day? Honey. . . tsk, tsk, tsk. . .. that would be incredibly overwhelming for
 the state of Vermont. Plus, nothing exciting happens in Vermont. Well. .. . I mean other than Emma's
 just being. That's enough for any state, but Emma informs me that no one at the Senator's office is
 sleeping with anyone else. No exciting office gossip. Well, sheesh, woman. What's the point of 
 working in the government if there is no trouble? I told her I was going to come up and spread some
 rumors around. That would be fun, wouldn't it? *rubbing hands together* Maybe I'm evil, maybe I'm
 not. 
          Have a wonderful day. 

 *huge hugs* 

ci vediamo 
-Mare 

p.s. I'm going through some serious hug withdrawals here. I get the shakes. . .. . I feel cold and then
 I have a fever. . .. remember, ten hugs a day won't keep my away. So get your hugs. Viva la run-by-
huggings!