The Sad & the Pathetic: Issue 49

Howdy youngsters,

	I can’t believe the semester is half over. You know what this means right? In a little over a
 year I’ll be graduating and getting a real job. Noooo! In my house we don’t use ugly language like
 that. Some households have a bar on certain four letter words. My father is not allowed to use
 certain three letter words as well. You know how it goes. . .  ‘work’, ‘job’, ‘tax’, ‘SOS’. . . I cover my
 ears and say “I don’t come ruining your day by cussing, do I?” Okay, okay. . . so I’m getting a little
 ahead of myself. We’ll talk of more pressing matters. Such as Bekks going to Japan and not taking
 me! What is this about? I thought we were friends? I fit in large duffel bags as well as the next
 girl. Yes, granted I weigh more than the weight limit of luggage which is about 50 lbs. But then the
 only people who wouldn’t are Kate Moss and the straw man from Wizard of Oz. She did kind of make
 it up to me by calling me and promising to send me a postcard. Or perhaps that’s because I
 threatened to break her legs. . .. hmmm. ..  I’ll have to rethink that one. But back to the phone call. .
 . she asked me what I was doing. . . to which I replied watching a show on tanks on the history
 channel and that Damien was on my computer. To which he asked who I was on the phone with. . . . and
 as a mature adult would respond, “Your mom, want to say hi?” *hanging head* Yes, I picked this up
 from Shawn. This is what happens when you hang out with guys. . . . . At least I haven’t sunk to their
 level of ‘What are you doing Mary? Looking up porn?” 
	Speaking of mature adults. . . and more pressing matters. . . I am about to add another candle
 on the cake, another ring to the tree. How did I get to be so old? My mother asked what I want for
 my birthday. The only thing I could come up with on the spot was a transparency scanner. Yes. I am
 serious. And to show how cool I am. . . I would like to show you a little correspondence with
 Kendritta. . . 

 
My mom asked what I wanted for my birthday and I asked for a transparency 
scanner. . . yeah, I'm not a dork. . . . 

no you're not a dork....you're a MEGA dork (that means dork raised to the sixth).. 
If you keep up this way, you'll be on your way to GIGAdork before you know it (that's raised to the
 9th, I think!) 
Don't ask....I'm working on my two ENGS projects and reports....almost done....yeah...woo-hoo..just a
 few more days and it's all over! 

Golly gee. . . . . aww shucks. . . you shoo du kno how ta make uh gurl feel speshual. 

is this you talking in your gigadorky way... 
you sound cool! 
yeah right :P 

*sigh* 

She loves me. 

yeah...don't you ever forget it...even though I am trying to "kill" you with a fork nonetheless.... and
 I'm delusional....hmph! 
kidding ;) 

In the 20 years, 11 months, and  8 days that I have lived my life. . . .How could a girl ask for better
 friends? 

	For a beautiful anecdote that some of you will appreciate pertaining to crack and the spread
 nationwide of its use. Wrik, my prof for advanced lithography was giving a demo on printing with a
 pronto plate. While printing you use a specific mixture of water an acid. The liquid has to have a pH
 level of between 4.5 and 5.5, but there is not a specific ratio that has been figured out so you have
 to just slowly add the acid and measure the pH level with strips of paper. As he’s adding acid, he
 measures the water. . it starts out green and gets a little more yellow which is where he wants it as
 he adds more. But then he tests it again and it turns more green again, which seems like an
 impossibility without adding more water. . . the t.a. suggests that perhaps it is because he has been
 stirring the mixture with his finger and that is what is throwing off the testing. He responds,
 “This isn’t that exact or meticulous. . . it’s not like we’re making crack.” Wow. . . . what is so
 amazing about this is that this isn’t from my influence. While people I hang out with do start
 picking up “You’re a freak”, “You’re a dork”, “You’re on crack.” Which drives my roommate, Lesley,
 crazy. . . he came up with this all on his own. “getting teary-eyed” 
	I recently saw a movie called “Mating habits of earth bound humans.” Which stars some random
 guy and a girl from baywatch. I can’t remember her name, but she’s a horrible actress and she looks
 strange. . . . the best part of the movie was the personified sperm. Yes, you read correctly. They had
 about ten guys dressed up in white tank tops, white shorts, white knee socks, sneakers, and white
 plastic swimming caps. They would fire a gun and the ‘sperm’ would start running down a track. . .
 Now for the use of a condom. . they would all go running straight into a large blue wall. . . .for the
 use of spermicide. . they had a man with a machine gun . .. who started gunning them down, etc, etc. . .
 now it’s possible that I just need help. .. and maybe this doesn’t sound funny. . . but I couldn’t get
 over it. Maybe you need to see the movie. I just loved to see them run into the wall. Cracks me up. 
	Maybe I’m sick. Maybe I’m a megadork. But dog-on-it. . . people like me. And yes I will keep
 telling that to myself. 

Hope you’re all just peachy-keen.

*huge hugs*

ci vediamo
-mare