The Sad & the Pathetic: Issue 55

You make me come. You make me complete. You make me completely miserable. Stuck to a chair,
 Watchin' this story about me. Everything goes by so fast making my head spin. Used up all of my
 friends, who needs them when you mean everything. I love the things that we should fear. I'm not
 afraid of being here, So much the same. It makes me helpless alone. Nothing to share. Why should I
 care if you’re near me. Give up all of my plans, but who needs them when you mean everything. I love
 the things that we should fear. I'm not afraid of being here, so much the same.

Hello Potentialers,

	Every time I hear this song I think to myself, ‘It’s so true!’  Of course this isn’t the way
 relationships should work, but for some reason . . . . I must confess that I have suffered from this
 elaborate web that we entrap ourselves in. I can remember one specific moment where I am looking
 down at myself thinking, ‘What are you doing? Dump him.’ Did I? No. Or even before that, walking
 down the street holding hands, suddenly it comes to me. ‘This isn’t going to last.’ Sure enough week
 and a half later, ‘Umm, I’m an irresponsible child. I know you thought I was special, but I’m really
 not. I’m a jerk. I know I said I loved you, but I didn’t realize that I would have to back up my words
 with actions. Instead of sharing my life with you, I’d rather not have to think about you. So this
 was what I was thinking, I will no longer call you or spend any time with you, but I’d like it you
 could keep calling me and adoring me. By the way, I will be offended if you don’t keep loving me and
 showing it. But let’s just keep it one-sided because that would be much easier for me.’  Alright, so
 that’s not what he said, but that’s what he should have said. It’s certainly what he meant. 
	I tell you this tidbit not for pity, because I have other things much more tragic than this, but
 as a base. Most of us have the intellect to keep idiots at bay, but there’s something in the y
 chromosome that sucks us in. My great-grandfather told my grandmother three pieces of advice that
 I would like to share with you. 

1. ‘Never date someone more than three times unless you would consider marrying them.’ 

2. ‘Always judge the height of a man when he’s standing on his billfold.’ 

3. ‘The most important thing to look for in a man is foresight.’

In other words, it’s all about potential.  Just like those motivational speakers say. Only date the
 guys who wear buttons saying, ‘I have great potential.’ 

So I’ve asked a couple of friends to answer my question, ‘Why do guys suck?’

Dawn-  ‘I know this one, given it much thought. Men don’t know shit, they guess until they get it
 right and stick with it.’

Adia-  ‘Because we make them.’ And for the non-gutter version, ‘They don’t get it.’

Joey- ‘How you doin’?’ (He wasn’t very helpful)

Mom- ‘They can only think of one thing at a time and usually it’s themselves.’

	
	Every once in a while I come across a situation where not only was a guy not thinking, but I
 think it fell out of his head and he stepped on it before he realized it was loose on the street.
 (names have been changed to protect identities of the victims of male stupidity)

Example 1: Melissa’s guy is cute, lovable and sensitive. He reads her poetry that he’s written about
 her. Blah, blah, sappy. . . *feeling queasy* . . . He starts reading her poetry that he wrote about past
 girlfriends. Awkward silence? Now who would feel uncomfortable about that? Nothing like hear
 about ‘her beautiful brown eyes and sexy coffee skin’ when you’re a blue eyed pasty perfection. 

Example 2: For a romantic date on the weekend, your man takes you to one of his rental houses to
 clean it after his last tenant threw a party before moving out.

Example 3: Juanita’s beau tells her he can’t make a commitment. Two weeks later he’s complaining
 that she never calls him or e-mails him anymore. 

What’s male stupidity victim story? What’s your female stupidity story?

You make me helpless alone. Yeah, yeah..You make me come. Yeah, yeah..You make me complete. Yeah,
 yeah..You make me completely miserable.

	How many of you have cried about a romantic relationship? You just dumped him; you wanted to
 dump him, but he beat you to it. He forgot the anniversary. . . . of your first snow cone together.
 You know I don’t think I have ever heard a cry story from Adia about this kind of thing. Hmmm. . . .
 and she has one for almost every occasion. I have to say I have a ‘potential’ cry story. I had one of
 those ‘thank god it’s over’ type relationships. Now I can get back to normal. A week afterwards I
 was walking home over the bridge from Columbus to Michigan in Chicago, it was such a beautiful
 night and I just started laughing for no reason. Which is just a usual for me. But I hadn’t done it in
 so long, I had forgotten how good it felt, and if I were a crying person I would have cried I was so
 relieved that I could be me again.  
	Now, now. . . don’t go thinking I’m emotionless. I cry. In fact, I cried last night. Bekks and I
 were playing cards at Le Madeline, after showing this kid how to play Gin. It was interesting since
 it was half in Spanish and half in English, but a challenge is always fun. He says, Quiero aprendar
 como jugar las cartas. (I think that’s right) I’m thinking, what’s the word for teach in Spanish? I
 know it in Italian. Then I realize I’m my mother 10 years ago when I would ask her, ‘Mom, what’s
 ___ in Spanish?’ ‘I know what ___ is in Portuguese.’ As helpful as that is. . . . Allora. . . we were
 playing this horrible game called ‘Cinco’. Horrible because I kept losing, but you slap the pile when
 fives or pairs come up. At one point I win and she is stuck with a huge pile of cards which she
 accidentally spills all over herself and onto the floor with a yelp and uttering a French phrase that
 basically translates to ‘stupid cow’ towards my direction. I think the whole restaurant thought we
 were wrestling with all our banging and yelping. I’m surprised a group of men didn’t gather around.
 They like that kind of thing don’t they? :-) Oh wait, that’s only if you toss mud or jello into the
 arena. 
	Speaking of jello, last week I was at Chili’s with Bekks getting a late lunch/early dinner. Our
 waiter was kind of cute and Bekks dared me to use one of my pick-up lines. Actually, it was a double-
quadruple dare. How could I say no? Well Adia said I would have done it without the dare, but it
 sounds better if I don’t victimize unsuspecting people without a reason. He came by a couple of
 times and I has yet to use my ammo. Bekks questioned my technique, to which I responded that I
 felt pressured now. She said I didn’t have to do it then. :-) She’s much nicer than I am. As it turns
 out my brother, Scott, was there with his girlfriend. Of course we didn’t know this until he walked
 by to go to the bathroom. As a joke I asked the waiter to give me his bill to pay as well as my own,
 but that he wasn’t to tell him who paid them. He looked at me really strangely until I told him that
 it was my brother and not just some random couple. He said, ‘Wow I wish my sister was that nice.’ 
;-) Hey. . . what can I say? I’m unappreciated in the realm of sisterhood. When he brought the bills I
 asked him if he could do me a favor and tell me who delivered the best line between my friend and me.
 He leaned down onto our table smiling, shaking his head. Bekks, completely surprised (she didn’t know
 she’d be performing tonight), says ‘Oh god.’ He said, ‘Don’t worry, I’ve probably delivered worse.’ 
 {Right now you’re thinking, ‘uh oh.’} So being the super smooth chick I am. . . I looked him straight in
 the eye and said, ‘What winks and screws like a tiger?’ *questioning look from him* I wink and smile.
 He laughs and lowers his head into his arms. Shakes his head, then looks at Bekks for her line. ‘What
 winks. . . ‘ She can’t even make it through half of it before she’s laughing. I’ve been trying to teach
 her (ensenar in español or insegnare in italiano), but I can see that it will be a lot of hard work. I
 lean back as he stands up *raised eyebrow* ‘So?’. He says, ‘Oh, definitely you. Hands down.’ He
 leaves and Bekks hits me. That’s what happens when you mess with the master. 
	Scott comes over to the table and asks if I paid his bill. I’m confused of course. Why on earth
 would I do something nice like that? Bekks tells him that there’s a guy over ‘there’ *gesturing to a
 random location* that has been checking Scott out all night. Scott gets all grossed out and a little
 worked out. I wouldn’t allow Bekks to get Scott all riled up like that. I tell Scott that she’s just
 kidding, but that actually the waiter did say something about Brittany (his girlfriend) being pretty
 cute. Bekks nods. This really gets Scott worked up. I would have left him like that, but I thought he
 might try to pay for it again. I told him the truth then asked how he knew. He said he had asked for
 the bill twice and the waiter said that it was ‘taken care of’. Scott asked if I had paid for it. The
 waiter said no, but that I had tried to pick him up. At this point, Scott makes a grossed out face. *
shrug* 

 I love the things that we should fear. I'm not afraid of being here, so much the same. It makes me
 helpless alone. You make me come. You make me complete. You make me completely miserable. Yeah,
 yeah..You make me come. Yeah, yeah..You make me   complete. Yeah, yeah..You make me completely
 miserable.

	If you’re miserable with your __friend. You know my advise. It’s been the same for the last 8
 years. Dump him/her. If you’re not sure how take Homer’s way, "Step aside everyone! Sensitive love
 letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population:  you.'" And as I always try
 to look on the bright side, I write great poetry when in loves plight. Nothing like turmoil to move
 your pen. 

Remember. Potential.

*huge hugs*
ci vediamo
-Mare

p.s. Emma turned 21 on the 23rd. I guess you’re too old for cow tipping now. 

p.s.s If you’d like to see some of the photographs I took in Greece, I’ve downloaded some on my site.
 Go to www.angelfire.com/tx2/hardenbergh/myart   and click on the link to the Greece photographs.