Say That Again?

Ziva: "I'm intrigued by how intrigued you are by this, Tony."
DiNozzo: "And I am curious that you are curious that I am intrigued."

(Paula's son, Bobby is zesting a lime)
Paula: "Don't get that pith in it, now."
Bobby: "This is MY recipe! I think the recipe calls for pith!"
Paula: "No, it does not."
Bobby: "It does! It calls for a small amount of pith...and you're pithing me off!"

Jack: "Let's start with a simple box step. It is called that...because we lead with our box.
Karen: "Well...if I can fake happiness with it, I can certainly dance with it."

"Fact: Before language, people communicated through intricate choreography, costume changes and lighting. Language was only invented when unattractive people were born and needed to be commented on."

Fiona: "You couldn't start with 'I'm alive'?"
Michael: "I thought the fact that I was calling covered that."

"As my grandpa used to say, 'If everybody liked the same thing, they'd all be after your grandma'."

Alan: "You're going to eat your dinner, watch some videos, play some games, then you're going to go to bed. And we'll pick you up first thing tomorrow, I promise."
Jake: "Your word means nothing to me."
Charlie: "Hey, give your dad a break. So he lied. You don't get the virgin to the volcano by telling her you're going to push her in."

"I tried to eat that guy! Do you realize that? Do you know what it's like for me to want to drink blood? Do you know how disgusting that is? I'm a vegetarian!"

Mary: "You sent the drive to I.T.!"
Marshall: "I didn't have anything better to do."
Mary: "I love you like an eight dollar whore."
Marshall: "I'm sure you mean that in a good way."

"Dude! He's running!...International sign of guilt!

Alan: "Berta, aren't you going to introduce us?"
Berta: "I'm sorry. Where are my manners? Charlie, Alan...I'd like you to meet my youngest daughter, Naomi. The light of my life. A little angel who swooped down from Heaven and landed on a married man's penis."

Alan: "I am telling you, it was 9 months of the hottest sex we have ever had...even with the morning sickness and the hemorrhoids."
Charlie: "Well, maybe that explains Jake's grades."
Alan: "Morning sickness and hemorrhoids?"
Charlie: "No. The repeated blows to his unformed head."
Alan: "You are such an idiot. All the experts agree that sex during pregnancy is not harmful to the baby."
Charlie: "Experts, shmexperts. Tonight, when you're sleeping, I'm gonna come in there and start poking you in the ear with a hotdog, and see how YOU like it."

Rafael: "What happened was an accident."
Brandi: "Oh really? Cause accidents are usually more like 'you trip and you sprain an ankle', not 'you trip and you stick your penis in someone'!"

"I would just make a bad cop, 'cause my answer's always gonna be '...so that's when I shot him'."

Kyra: "A real estate agent told Dad a former owner died in the house."
Brock: "He didn't die in the house...He just...happened to be home at the time he passed away."

Alan: "Where are you going?"
Berta: "Leaving!"
Alan: "Why?"
Berta: "Did you see that bitch? You gotta put a whole lotta gone between you and a girl like that."

Alan: "C'mon. Just ignore her."
Charlie: "Ignore her? It would be easier to ignore blood in my urine."

Alan: "You mom will be here any minute...I thought I told you to get ready!"
Jake: "I'm ready."
Alan: "Did you do your homework?"
Jake: "No."
Alan: "Jake! I promised your mother you'd have it done!"
Jake: "Well, next time you'll know better."

Berta: "Don't get your panties in a bunch."
Charlie: "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"
Berta: "It means 'don't get so agitated that your undergarments become entangled within your crack'."

Evelyn: "I think God gives us children so death doesn't come as such a disappointment."

Johns: "Battlefield doctors decide who lives and who dies. It's called triage."
Riddick: "They kept calling it murder when I did it."

Lulu: "You hit me on my head and knocked me out?!"
Spinelli: "Blonde One, I am profoundly sorry, but I had to stop you from rushing impetuously into danger!"
Lulu: "Why didn't you try 'Lulu, stop'?"

Reba: "Jake, why aren't you eating your cereal?"
Jake: "I don't have any milk."
*pours milk*
Reba: "Jake! Why aren't you eating?"
Jake: "I don't have a spoon."
Reba: "Is this your first breakfast?"

Marie: "We haven't had a conversation in 35 years."
Frank: "I didn't want to interrupt."

Natalie: "Mr. Monk, I don't think we should do this."
Monk: "You got a better idea?"
Natalie: "Yeah. NOT doing it."

Mickey: "You saved my life, Sarge."
Sarge: "Yeah, well...nobody's perfect."

Dr. Scott: "Does this hurt?"
Monk: "Yes! OW! Ow! Ow!"
Dr. Scott: "I haven't done anything yet."
Monk: "It was going to hurt."

Randy: "Where were you last night between the hours of one and three AM?"
Johanson: "Where do you think I was?...What is this? Your first day with a new brain?"

David: "Did you see Dorian's face? She was in shock!"
Vickie: "In shock? She was positively apoplectic!"
David: "You know what would make her apoplectic-er?"
Vickie: "That's not a word...but tell me."

Josh: "Oh there's a tugboat."
Tom: "That's not a tugboat. It's a riverboat."
Josh: "But I heard it go 'toot toot'. Doesn't a tugboat go 'toot toot'?"
Tom: "It depends on what it's been eating."

Judge: "Punaise."
Joseph: "Punaise?"
Judge: "Punaise. It's another word for bedbug."
Joseph: "Okay...I like bedbug better."

Whoopi: "Now, Paris Hilton goin' to jail this week, I guess...or next week...People are complaining because they're concerned she's not in the general population with everybody else. Should she be in the general population?"
Joy: "She should be alone with her THOUGHT."

Angela: "You're not going to get any reception out here."
Bones: "Why?"
Angela: "Because we're about a hundred miles past where Jesus lost his sandals."

Tom: "Healthy soup can serve as an appetite depressant."
Josh: "Is that right?"
Tom: "Yes, like if you're starving and you're getting ready to chow down on more than you really want to eat, have a nice bowl of..."
Josh: "Just funnel a bunch of broth down your pie-hole?"

DiNozzo: "Hey Boss, I was just about to call you."
Gibbs: "What a coincidence. I was just about to put my foot up your..."

"My mother used to say, 'When it's your time to die, you'll die.' "And I said, 'But what if I'm on a plane and it's the pilot's time to die?'".

Barbara Jean: "About this thing that happened with Jake...I'm of two minds."
Reba: "Where in heck did you borrow one and a half minds?"

"There is no lose. There's either win or don't win."

Lawyer: "My client has a date in arraignment court."
Eames: "There are a few things we need to clear up with him first."
Lawyer: "He's invoking his right to be silent."
Eames: "Well, he doesn't have the right to be deaf so he'll have to listen to what we say."

"I think as far as when it comes to telling your wife or your girlfriend that she's a 10, I think...you should always say that they're a 10 as long as they say you have the biggest hands they ever saw."

Dawn: "A perfect 6 out of 6, just like my "Power Ball" ticket. I guess lightning really can strike twice."
Christian: "Especially when it has such a large target."
Dawn: "That target didn't seem to bother you when you were pinning me to your apartment floor, Sweetcheeks."

Agent Seely Boothe: "The Gravedigger is not God, Bones because God does not make mistakes."
Angela: "I dunno...Putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a good idea..."

Dexter: "Matsuko was looking for you, something about drinks at the Bel-Canto?"
Sis: "I told him I had a yeast infection."
Dex: "That's a bit of an overshare."